11 Things People With Good Morals Simply Won't Do
They won't compromise on their morality.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Part of being human is making mistakes and doing things wrong. While most people try to act according to their values so as to not cause harm to others, damage can still be done. The idea of morality implies there are right and wrong ways to behave, especially when it comes to how we treat other people.
Having strong morals means acting with fairness, empathy, and altruism, all of which can be considered "the first tier" of morality. Even though good people are capable of doing bad things, there are things people with good morals simply won’t do.
According to research in the Personality and Social Psychology Review, actions and traits that are judged as morally good or bad are defined in relation to cultural virtues, meaning that different societies may have different moral codes. At the core of morality is the idea that cooperation and empathy help protect individuals and larger groups of people. A person's sense of morality is rooted in their self-awareness, meaning that someone's desire to be seen as morally good often discourages them from treating others poorly.
Here are 11 things people with good morals simply won't do
1. Manipulate other people's emotions
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Emotionally manipulative people prey on other people's emotions and use how they feel against them. They see other people's emotions as a means to an end, something allows them to influence people's behavior to serve them. As dating coach Stefanie Safran revealed, "Emotional manipulators will distract, deflect, and confuse you to keep you off balance."
"Emotional manipulators use misdirection and confusion to throw you off balance and put you on the defensive so you'll begin explaining yourself," she shared, noting that emotionally manipulative people will twist your words and weaponize them against you. In contrast, people with good morals have high emotional intelligence that they utilize to better understand their own feelings, which helps them feel connected to others.
Psychologist Nick Wignall noted, "When people can healthily work with their painful emotions it's usually a sign that they understand how emotions work. Emotional intelligence is the ability to work with your emotions instead of fighting them or running away."
He continued, "People with high emotional intelligence validate their emotions. They identify and acknowledge their feelings. And then remind themselves that it's okay to feel any kind of feeling — that it doesn't make them bad or unsafe."
While someone with bad morals uses emotions as a tool for coercion and manipulation, people with good morals hold space for how they feel and how others feel without any ulterior motives.
2. Deceive people
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As the article in the Personality and Social Psychology Review pointed out, communities expect people in them to abide by moral rules, like not stealing, lying, or cheating, and there are negative consequences for people who break those rules.
While people with bad morals might lie and deceive people for their own gain, people with good morals are honest and truthful. They know that relationships need a basis of trust to survive and flourish.
Dating coach Lisa Lieberman-Wang noted that honesty in relationships relies on open and effective communication, and those two things combined can elevate any partnership. She revealed that honest communication can strengthen the bond between partners. That sense of security can help you "feel confident enough to take the risks necessary to grow and achieve your goals."
Honest communication allows the intensity of your connection to grow deeper, because of the vulnerability you show each other. "It's a beautiful thing to let someone else be vulnerable with you," Lieberman-Wang explained. "Love is a feeling as much as it is a choice. Both people have to make that choice for love to last... Telling the truth isn't just a behavior, it's a complete way of living and being in your relationship."
3. Spread negative rumors
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Gossip is a common form of communication, one that has some positive implications, despite its negative connotations. According to a study from the University of Maryland, gossip can promote social bonding and sustain cooperation in groups of people.
The study noted that gossip "disseminates information about people's reputations and as such enables people to choose to help cooperative others and avoid being exploited by selfish ones — a mechanism that is widely studied as indirect reciprocity that sustains cooperation." In other words, gossip that's based in truth can help protect people from others who want to cause them harm.
Yet gossip can also function as a way to tear people down and ruin their reputations, which is why people with good morals refrain from spreading any form of gossip at all.
4. Break promises
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People with good morals take their commitments seriously and don't make promises they can't keep. They follow through on what they said they would do, whether it's a small thing, like bringing cookies for the school bake sale, or something bigger, like being there for a friend after a bad date.
Breaking promises erodes trust, which is essential in any relationship. It might feel like there's no way back to trusting your partner after they've lied or hurt you, but as marriage and intimacy therapist Todd Creager pointed out, there are small signs that show up after betrayal that indicate it's safe for you to open up and give them your trust.
According to Creager, a partner has to be willing to do the work and search for the underlying reasons for their betrayal, then make actionable changes in their behavior, before they can be trusted again. He shared that losing trust after you've been betrayed is an entirely normal response, yet shutting off completely can make it impossible for your relationship to move forward.
"It makes sense to hold back trust," he explained. "It makes sense to be protective. However, if that continues for a long time, the problem is that now you are deprived of a close emotional and physical relationship."
"You cannot fully allow yourself the joy of being loved if you are protecting yourself from being hurt," Creager concluded. Holding back trust means you also hold back any access to emotional intimacy. Learning to trust again takes time and effort, but it can be done, and your relationship can grow stronger as a result.
5. Take credit they didn't earn
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Over the course of a lifetime, most of us come into contact with people who will do anything to get ahead, including taking credit that isn't theirs to take. Maybe you've had a co-worker who pretended they took the lead on a project, when really, it was a team effort. Maybe you've had a boss who took credit for work they didn't even do.
No matter what the context is, people who take credit they didn't earn are self-centered enough not to care who they throw under the bus on their way to the top. Yet people with good morals share the wealth of acknowledgment. They know that the best work comes from collaboration, and that everyone has their own set of skills and strengths that combine to make something bigger and better than anything they could do alone.
6. Engage in harmful competition
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People with good morals don't get trapped playing the comparison game. They don't compete with other people, because they fully understand how harmful it is to compare what they have to what others have. They focus on working together and growing with others, instead of tearing them down.
Life transformation coach Natalie Maximets explained that "the desire to compare ourselves with someone else is a normal function of the brain. It makes it easier to determine our significance and motivates us to self-development." Yet comparing yourself to others can be detrimental to your sense of self-worth of self-esteem.
Maximets shared that the antidote to harmful competition comes from self-acceptance and self-love. "People with high self-evaluation feelings do what they want and are not afraid of the consequences. They live the way they like and do what they love," she revealed. "Loving yourself is the ability to live the way you want. If we care about ourselves, we don't compare ourselves with others."
"No one is perfect, yet it is common for most to strive for this imaginary ideal," she continued. "When you learn to accept your shortcomings, you will know what it is like to be satisfied with yourself and calmly move forward. You will stop comparing yourself to the success of others, and you will no longer feel doubt about yourself and your achievements."
7. Blame others for their mistakes
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People with good morals take full responsibility for being wrong and focus on repair as the path forward. Having good morals doesn't mean being perfect. Everyone, even the most moral people, will cause harm, whether on purpose or inadvertently. The key is what they do after they've hurt someone that makes a difference.
When people act in ways that negate their moral beliefs, it's common for them to avert responsibility for their actions by shifting blame or diminishing the impact their actions had. Yet people with good morals own up to their wrongdoings, even when it's hard.
They do more than just say they're sorry; they take steps to understand why their actions were hurtful and work to change their behavior. By taking responsibility for their mistakes, they show just how deeply moral they are.
8. Disrespect people's beliefs
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Another thing people with good morals simply won't do is disrespect people's beliefs, even when they disagree. When they don't see eye to eye with someone, they don't argue or try to prove that person wrong. They accept their differences of opinion because they understand that everyone's perspective is rooted in their life experiences.
They stay open-minded, which is also a sign they have high intelligence. They know that not everyone has to think the same way they think to deserve respect. They have a flexible mindset, which keeps them grounded and allows them to find the good in everyone, even those they don't agree with.
9. Ignore personal growth
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People with good morals don't ignore the need for personal growth, even when that growth is painful or difficult. They strive to be the best versions of themselves, because that lets them show up as their most authentic selves in all areas of their lives.
Self-improvement comes from being self-aware. As life coach Debra Smouse revealed, "If you want to create and live a life you love, then you need to dig into who you are and what you really want." Smouse acknowledged that learning who you really are can be scary, since "the process of becoming more self-aware can be awkward and uncomfortable, and it can seem easier on the surface to just pretend life is okay."
"Those uncomfortable feelings are doing an important job," she explained. "They're alerting you to some aspect of your life that needs tending or cultivated before you can move forward. You deserve to live a life you love. In order to create it, you need to know the most important tool you have to do so: knowing yourself."
People with good morals don't ignore those feelings of discomfort. Rather, they lean into them, because they know a truer version of themselves exists on the other side.
10. Hold themselves above others
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These people have a highly developed sense of self-worth, which gives them the inner strength they need to accept themselves as they are. People with good morals don't have a superiority complex. They see themselves as existing on an equal plane as other people, and they have respect for others.
People with good morals don't judge others, even if their values or guiding principles vary greatly. They don't use their inner moral compass as a way to feel superior, but rather, a tool to guide how they interact with others and form relationships. They value equality and view people with compassion, which is why they simply won't hold themselves above others.
11. Exploit others for their own gain
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People with good morals don't punch people when they're down; rather, they reach out their hands and help lift people up. They walk the path of justice, which means they don't take advantage of people, even if the opportunity to do so presents itself. Their morals are a light post, leading them from darkness.
People with good morals don't mind taking the longer, harder road, as long as they're not exploiting anyone else. They take care of their own needs, yet they don't neglect the needs of other people, and they refuse to exploit others just so they can win.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.