People With These 4 Codependent Personality Types Have The Most Difficulty Making Relationships Work
If these traits start sounding familiar, it might be time to do some self-reflection.
VGstockstudio | Shutterstock Most of us dream of finding the person we want to spend life with. Sadly, it's not that easy. Healthy relationships are rooted in the idea that the partnership is "mutually beneficial," as Psychology Today puts it. Sometimes, however, things aren't quite as balanced, and couples can develop a dependency on each other that prevents the connection from flourishing.
Codependency refers to an extreme and unhealthy attachment to another person, but it's not quite as cut and dry as that, either. There isn't just one type of personality that codependents share, making them easy to spot.
Here are the 4 codependent personality types that have the most difficulty making relationships work:
According to codependency mentor Jenna Dayle, there are four main codependent personality types that usually have difficulty when it comes to relationships.
If you're worried that your nurturing has morphed into codependency, there are some signs you can keep an eye on to better gauge if your personality fits one of Dayle's examples.
1. The people manager
People managers need to be in control of the lives of the people around them. Whether intentional or unintentional, they often think they know best.
When someone they care about seems to be making decisions that aren't "right," they step in and may even engage in manipulative behaviors to exert control over the lives of those around them.
"They're less worried about being liked as being needed," Dayle said.
The fact that the people in their lives may not want the guidance they're offering is irrelevant to them, as they are more focused on ensuring goodness in the lives of those they care about. They often have a fear of the future and are uncomfortable with certainty, and try to manage these feelings by exerting control.
2. The people caretaker
Dayle said that the caretaker sometimes overlaps with the people manager as they share certain traits. However, the people caretaker focuses on maintaining a good view of her "external world."
Caretakers have high standards because they're so good at taking care of everything on their own.
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When something that becomes a part of their world isn't taken care of, they feel the need to fix, to avoid the discomfort anything out of their control creates. Think of it like loading a dishwasher. You load the dishwasher and move on, but the second you turn your back, your partner is there reloading it because you didn't do it right. It's that kind of control but on a larger scale.
People caretakers strive for perfectionism, often to the point that it becomes overwhelming and leads them to burnout.
3. The people matcher
The people matcher mirrors the traits of the people they're around so they're desired even when they truly don't share any interests with the person or don't naturally connect with them. They force a connection because they so deeply want to be wanted.
Most often, it just means you act differently around different people or different groups of people. You might be loud and talkative with one person and more quiet and reserved with another — you choose how to act based on how they act.
We all do this to some degree, and it naturally occurs in most romantic relationships, especially in the early stages of love. It becomes problematic, however, when it's done as a manipulative tactic.
Body language expert Tonya Reiman explained to Brides, “If the other person’s mirroring isn’t leading you to a comfort zone, but instead leading you somewhere you don’t want to be, that’s a red flag. They’re making you feel like you need to like them, instead of like you want to. Mirroring should help to get you out of your shell early on, but once you’ve shared any sort of intimacy with one another if your non-verbal actions aren’t matching and instead the mirroring is being forced, that’s a sign that you’re probably not meant to be together.”
4. The people pleaser
Much like the people manager and people caretaker have an area of overlap, so do the people matcher and people pleaser. Both have this desire to be liked, but people pleasers have a stronger sense of identity.
They don't mirror people's behaviors to get others to like them. Instead, they sacrifice their goals and finances to avoid conflict and make those around them happy.
Since they seek to please, this codependent personality type hates to communicate openly to address situations that bother them as they're always trying to keep the peace, even at the expense of themselves.
Sahlah Syeda is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.