2 New Questions To Ask Yourself If You're Depressed, Reveals Clinical Psychologist

If you have ever struggled with depression, you know that it is hard to think positively about yourself. The “depressive cognitive triad” means that when people are depressed, they tend to have negative thoughts about themselves, the world, and the future. 

While happiness may elude you when you are depressed, you may still be able to train yourself to see value and worth in your life overall. One question that can help you see through the gray fog of depression is to look closely and objectively at things that you should be proud of yourself for.

If you are depressed, here are two new questions to ask yourself:

1. If you were feeling happier, or were raised to have higher self-esteem, what things could you be proud of yourself for doing today, this past week, this past year?

2. Did you make anyone even a little bit happier, take care of yourself when you had no motivation to do so or act kindly when you felt crying or screaming?

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Be proud of these things. Other people have different brain chemistries than you, and if you can accomplish anything useful (taking care of yourself is useful, making food is useful, caring for any other creature is useful), then you are doing this starting from a lower set point than others. 

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Often, when you are depressed, it feels impossible to get up and do anything. The “music” of life is gone and you feel cynical, apathetic, and exhausted. If you have managed to be a partner, be a friend to anyone in any capacity, parent a child, take care of your home, have a job… or, at the more severe levels, even eat something or shower or dress, then you can be proud of yourself. 

So many depressed people compare themselves to high-energy people, and this type of comparison is not useful or accurate. If you are depressed, you need to compare yourself to people who are sick, with either physical or mental illnesses.

Speaking of severe depression, if you have ever struggled with suicidal thoughts, passive or active, then you should be proud of yourself purely for remaining alive. This is a gift to your family, and particularly to your children and/or parents. (Note that having a parent who has not succumbed to suicidal thoughts is a huge positive for your child, no matter how bad of a parent you tell yourself you are.) 

RELATED: Going To Therapy Is Easier Than You Think

If you go to therapy, then this is something to be super proud of, and if you don’t, I already know something you can be proud of: reading this article, which has a headline that is overtly geared toward helping you reframe your depressed thoughts, and continuing to read it through now.

If you are depressed, your brain will lie to you about many things and one of them is that you are uniquely worthless and have no value. This is not true. You believe this because not only are you depressed, but you were likely raised in a very negative home. 

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If you had been raised in a home with positive thinking, by two non-depressed parents, your brain would have very different automatic defaults. 

Since depression is highly genetic, it is very unlikely that this was the case for you. So your automatic defaults are set to think of yourself as unworthy and not valuable.

I would go so far as to say that someone with depression who carries out life activities may have more to be proud of than someone without depression who runs a marathon. Everything is subjective.

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If it is very hard to see even one small way that you could be proud of yourself, therapy can help you retrain your brain to see more compassionately and objectively about yourself. Depression and being trained to be negative by negative caregivers can take away your ability to see yourself with clarity. 

You think your depressive view is realistic, but it isn’t. It is just as distorted as the view of a narcissistic person who thinks they are the best human being that ever lived. It can be interesting to consider this perspective, that your view is just as inaccurate as the self-concept of a narcissist… but on the exact opposite end of the spectrum.

Depression is a very difficult burden, and powering through a life that feels joyless is a tremendous accomplishment. Use that realization to spur you to find a therapist or commit to trying other things as well. You deserve to live a life full of meaning and value, and you are stronger than you tell yourself.

RELATED: 7 Essential Habits That Will Change The Entire Trajectory Of Your Life, According To Psychology

Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, aka Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her group practice, Best Life Behavioral Health.