Woman Says This Lost ‘Art’ Has Turned Everything In Our Culture Into An Argument
A two-word phrase could completely change the conversations you have.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock So often in today's world, simple conversations escalate into huge arguments. People struggle to calmly talk about current issues without quickly devolving into heated disputes.
One woman thinks we can remedy this by incorporating a simple phrase into our vocabulary.
She insisted that our conversations can remain more civil if we just say 'yes, and.'
Clarke, @xoxoclarke on TikTok, is a Los Angeles-based artist who isn’t afraid to share her opinion on the app. However, instead of becoming divisive, Clarke wants to unite people.
“I fear that maybe we — and I’m saying ‘we’ very loosely — have lost the art of the ‘yes, and,’” Clarke said.
She explained that we live in "a very nuanced and complex world and society" in which multiple things can be true at the same time. According to her, more people need to be willing to acknowledge that fact.
"When we hear something that triggers a bit of a reaction, but it’s true, and so is the thing that you’re upset about, is when we go, 'yes, and,'" she advised.
This tactic can help you to be less defensive and argumentative, creating an opportunity for a civil discussion instead of an unnecessary fight.
“Let’s get back to that!” Clarke wrote in the caption of the video. “Everything doesn’t have to be an argument.”
Commenters eagerly agreed with the woman.
TikTok users felt Clarke was on the right track, and many shared that they already used similar statements.
“‘Both can be true’ is very commonly used in my life,” one person admitted.
“‘Two things can be true at once’ is a sentence said in my house every day,” another commenter shared.
A third user commented, “Social media has forced a terrible black-and-white perspective without allowing other opinions and POVs to matter,” and a fourth added, “I fear either/or thinking has taken over."
This simple trick can lead to more civilized conversations.
In a world in which everything tends to appear as being one side versus the other — especially following the 2024 presidential election — utilizing “yes, and” can contribute to a more welcoming environment.
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By saying “yes, and,” you acknowledge the truth of someone else's statement, without negating the truth of your own. It stops you from automatically disagreeing with someone and allows for a more open discussion.
When talking to people you disagree with, NBC News said, “You want to start from neutral territory where no one’s poking a stick in the other person’s emotions (or inviting the other person to do so).”
Using a phrase like “yes, and” allows you to stay in that neutral territory. It opens up a conversation, but not a disagreement.
Psychology Today further pointed out that it is important to show understanding even when disagreement exists.
“If we walk into a conversation and don’t take the time to actually listen and understand the nuance of what someone is saying or believing, we are playing the game without understanding the rules,” they wrote. “Everyone wants to be heard, especially in disagreements. Not being heard or having our words twisted creates a lot of resentment. So take the time to listen.”
By saying “yes, and” instead of automatically outright disagreeing, you demonstrate that you are willing to truly listen and discuss — something that is much needed in today's world.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.