4 Far More Effective Things To Do Instead Of Rolling Your Eyes At Your Husband, According To Psychology
The eye-roll clearly communicates contempt.
Wavebreakmedia | Canva You may not think facial expressions matter much when evaluating who is happy in their marriage. However, there is one expression that is paramount in predicting problems in a relationship, and you don’t have to be a scientist to spot it.
The eye roll is a critical indication that your relationship needs work. It is crucial to stop eye-rolling as a reaction to stressful communication if you want to save your relationship.
Here are four more effective things to do instead of rolling your eyes at your husband:
1. Talk about the behavior that bothered you
Do this at a time when a disconnect is not apparent, and you are feeling close to your partner.
Listen to them about how this behavior makes them feel. Encourage them to stick to "I" statements. An example is, "I know you love me, but when you roll your eyes after I say something, I feel like you are slapping me."
A study published in Cognition in Close Relationships Journal supports talking through the behavior and the situations when it arises is a big step in breaking the eye-rolling habit while fostering better communication.
2. Give positive encouragement
Sometimes, taking a deep breath and looking away can do the trick. Make a note when you are successful and ask for feedback from your partner. It will help if your partner notices it and compliments you on this effort.
Awareness of the behavior and receiving positive encouragement are great ways to stop eye-rolling and replace it with positive communication and support, as suggested by research in the Journal of Research in Personality.
3. Be more open about how you feel
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If you are angry or feel taken advantage of, use your words instead of your eyes. Eye rolling develops because people are afraid to say what they think due to the possibility they will be rejected.
A study in the Epidemiology and Health Journal helps explain how vulnerability is challenging but helps you and your partner develop the openness and communication vital to a healthy relationship.
4. Ask your partner how they're feeling
The emotion behind eye rolling is usually anger, disdain, or contempt. When you see it, make a note of it and talk to your partner about what each of you is feeling right now. Better to get it on the table than shut down and ignore it, especially if contempt is accumulating.
The eye roll is a non-verbal mixture of contempt, dismissiveness, sarcasm, and spite, as shown by a study in Research on Language and Social Interaction. This style of non-verbal communication is powerful because it is mostly subconscious in its use and impact.
The eye roll never communicates a good feeling, so deprogramming this behavior will take effort, but it is necessary to build better communication and interactions with your spouse. Replacing eye-rolling with a more loving response may begin to heal your marriage in a way that years of couples therapy could not.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a psychotherapist, author, speaker, and intimacy counselor.