10 Experiences Only People Who Grew Up Poor Will Understand
You might escape poverty, but the scarcity mindset will follow you into adulthood.
Koldunov | Shutterstock.com Children who grow up in poor communities or impoverished homes tend to develop a “scarcity mindset” that informs their emotional well-being and decision-making skills, even into adulthood. The feelings and experiences associated with their lack of money, food, or financial stability are deeply ingrained, even for those who’ve grown out of poverty into more comfortable situations.
It informs and affects their money situation, spending habits as adults, and social interactions and connections with others. Living through poverty is profound and incredibly influential, which is exactly why there are several experiences only people who grew up poor will understand.
Here are the 10 experiences only people who grew up poor will understand:
1. Exclusively wearing ‘hand-me-down’ clothes as a child
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According to a study from the Urban Institute on material hardship, nearly 40% of families struggled to afford necessities in 2017 — a problem that’s only grown exacerbated by inflation and financial insecurity today. Unable to afford the electric bill and groceries in the same month, purchasing new clothes was utterly out of the question for most families.
Replacing older, more worn-out clothing is a luxury, and most families living in poverty either recycled hand-me-down clothing from older siblings to younger ones or utilized thrift stores and clothing drives to dress their children.
The anticipation of inheriting your older sister’s favorite jacket or the twinge of jealousy you fought seeing your friend’s new winter jackets are all shared experiences that only people who grew up poor will understand.
2. Feeling embarrassed walking, while everyone else drives
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Transportation strategies and the cost of simply “getting around” for impoverished families are huge stressors, especially in today’s world, where car-centric infrastructure has taken over most cities. As a demographic that objectively needs access to transportation more than others, impoverished families in rural areas and small towns are forced to resort to walking to work and school.
An investigative study from Safe Routes also reveals that poor communities and low-income neighborhoods are even less likely to have safe sidewalks and pedestrian-friendly infrastructure than wealthier cities.
There are many isolated experiences that only people who grow up poor will understand. Still, when everyone else is driving, the inherent shame and embarrassment of trying to walk somewhere—that likely doesn’t have a sidewalk, paved road, or safe intersections—sticks out sorely for many adults.
3. Never inviting friends to hang out at your home
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Similar to the themes of a study from the British Sociological Association, there’s a complex web of emotions, feelings, and situations people in poverty experience regarding shame. Typically manifested from societal standards and financial expectations, being shamed while growing up in poverty tends to engrain an inherent sense of embarrassment in many children’s psyches.
As children experiencing poverty at home, many prefer to hang out and spend the night at their friends' homes rather than their own, embarrassed by having too much clutter, as an Anthropological Quarterly article on ethical consumption investigates through the connection of hoarding tendencies and the scarcity mindset or having too little to share.
As an adult, this kind of shameful behavior might still flood your life when you have guests over or meet a new friend, even if you’ve achieved financial stability, unlike your childhood. Growing up, your space at home was not a reflection of your connections in public, and that kind of inherent mindset is difficult to unlearn quickly.
4. Overeating or struggling with food intake as an adult
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According to a research report from Appetite investigating the link between health, eating habits, and childhood poverty, growing up in a poor household was associated with an increased risk of obesity in adulthood. The scarcity mindset cultivated as a child, specifically with food in many cases, significantly alters the eating habits of adults once they have access to food.
A first-generation college student who grew up in poverty might be more likely to utilize a free dining hall than her peers, informed by the intensity of their subconscious ideas about food deprivation. This might lead to unhealthy eating habits founded on this scarcity mindset.
While food insecurity is one of the more unfortunate experiences only people who grew up poor will understand, it’s also one that’s deeply ingrained in the behavior of adults today — from avoiding food shortages to hoarding accessible food to overeating.
5. Knowing the price of groceries off the top of your head
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Many of the experiences only people who grew up poor will understand are inherently intertwined with food insecurity and hunger, which are subsequently intertwined with the health, well-being, and longevity of communities across the country.
Many adults who grew up in poverty have noticed they’re far more aware of grocery and food prices than their friends and peers—from the cost of milk to eggs and their average weekly necessities, they always know how much to budget.
A symptom of always being overly aware of their household spending as a kid or even scrambling for the specific change of an item at a grocery store, these memories stay with you for longer than a few months or years.
6. Always opting for homemade solutions instead of actual repairs
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Even as adults with more financial security, most people who grew up poor still fall into their old impoverished households' economic and money-saving habits—it’s simply what they know.
When a window breaks in their house, the dishwasher gets blocked, or a tile comes up in the kitchen, they’re not thinking about who they can call to fix it — they’re figuring out how to fix it themselves. Like the other shared experiences, it returns to a scarcity mindset — you’re stuck in “survival mode,” even when your life is no longer void of stability, food, money, or comfort.
7. Saving condiment packets, cutlery, and free samples
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Suppose you grew up poor or specifically in a grandparent’s home. In that case, you’ve likely come across the “sauce” drawer filled with condiments, salt and pepper packets, take-out cutlery, and a rainbow of colored napkins — it’s one of the experiences only people who grew up poor will understand.
While it’s primarily a lighthearted action that lingers in people’s eating habits into adulthood and through generations, it’s also intertwined into psychological spending justifications for people experiencing poverty.
Micro-tendencies like saving sauce packets or stealing napkins at fast-food restaurants help combat the internal shame sparked by harmful societal ideas about “joyful” spending in poor households. People quickly shame impoverished families who “wastefully spend” money on fast food, treats, a T.V., or a night out—as if they’re any less entitled to joy than someone with a comfortable bank account.
To combat the societal shame and internal turmoil of spending, this small act of defiance bonded families and became a reflexive norm.
8. Feeling guilty when someone pays for your meal or gifts you money
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Experiences from impoverished households, like the ones highlighted in the book “Poverty and Shame: Global Experiences,” are often denoted by phrases riddled with anxiety, shame, and guilt. From “going around in circles” to “struggling to stay afloat” and even living in a “nightmare,” the traumas of growing up poor aren’t easy to leave behind, address, or heal from.
For many children who were taught to constantly worry about money or lived in an atmosphere where “the struggle” was always present, accepting “handouts,” gifts, or financial contributions from others could be complex and confusing well into adulthood.
The hyper-awareness and anxiety about money never truly disappear; they manifest themselves in new environments and interactions.
9. Only purchasing things when they were on sale
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A study from the Journal of Consumer Affairs investigates that many impoverished households aren’t geographically favored regarding infrastructure. From walkable streets to “third spaces” like parks and grocery stores, they’re often forced to travel to get their necessities. With the extra gas or public transportation expense, many families have even less to spare for groceries.
To save money, you’re always buying things on sale — it might’ve been an annoyance as a child, but now it’s become a helpful spending habit.
Of course, this isn’t just true of necessities like groceries or school supplies, like your childhood experiences; it’s also a habit for the more luxurious expenses you make in adulthood. Why buy a Ninja Creami at full price when someone will be selling it on Facebook Marketplace in a month?
10. Staying home alone from a young age without a babysitter
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A problem that’s grown exacerbated in today’s economy, childcare has always been relatively inaccessible to families in poverty, especially those without relatives, grandparents, or inter-generational households to lean on. Staying home alone from a young age and into early adolescence is one of those experiences only people who grew up poor will understand.
You were taught to look after yourself and sometimes your younger siblings, cook your meals and even run errands without the supervision of a parent. Experiences like this often force impoverished kids to “grow up” faster than their peers—worried about money, safety, and dinner on the table at night rather than an upcoming test or friendship dilemma at school.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a news and entertainment writer at YourTango who focuses on health and wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.