Mom Wonders What To Do Her When 9-Year-Old Asks For A Birthday Sleepover But Doesn't Have Any Friends To Invite
"She used to have pals, but they have slowly distanced themselves from her."
SpeedKingz | Shutterstock Birthday parties are a memorable part of most kids’ childhoods. There are friends to play with, gifts to open, candles to blow out, and junk food to eat — can you think of anything more exciting for a child?
Sadly, this is not the reality for all kids. What happens if your child doesn't have any friends?
Without friends to invite to a birthday party, it’s not really a party at all.
One mom wondered what to do when her daughter, who has no friends, asked for a birthday sleepover.
“My nine-year-old is insisting on a sleepover, but sadly has no friends,” she wrote in her since-deleted Reddit post. “It’s a classic case of a sweet, intelligent child who is also ADHD and on the autism spectrum.”
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Unfortunately, because of this girl’s differences, her former friends want nothing to do with her.
“Her problems reading social cues have led her to become annoying to her (now former) friends,” her mom said. “She used to have pals, but they have slowly distanced themselves from her. (This is a hard time, but she is in therapy, on medication, and has a great outlet in theater. I know she’ll be OK.)”
She continued, “This is the first birthday party for her where we have had this problem. She is insisting on a sleepover but has no one to invite. So far she’s not accepting our alternate suggestions (family trip, special outing, etc.).”
The mom admitted that she hasn't yet told her daughter why she is suggesting alternative options and asked Redditors what to tell the girl if "she doesn’t accept a different kind of party, or make new friends in time for her birthday."
The mom also offered two points at the end of her post to clear up any questions. First, they “can’t get together with cousins, they live across the country.”
“It’s also not an option to say she’s ‘too young for sleepovers,’” her mom added. “Her big sister [had] many sleepovers by the time she was nine. Also, my nine-year-old used to have sleepovers before losing all her friends.”
Redditors shared heartfelt suggestions as to how this mom can ensure her daughter's birthday is still special.
“Would she be open to [a] movie night/sleepover with you?” one user asked. “My daughter and I often do that where we pick a movie, snacks, play with our hair, and then camp out together in the living room.”
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“Would older sister’s friends be down to be extra nice that night and do a sleepover with her and big sister and do a fun girls' night?” another commenter suggested.
Others had recommendations for this girl’s specific situation.
“Neurodivergent people rarely get hints or being politely told no with lots of gentle flowery words and explanations,” someone added. “They often can’t understand what you see as logical. Sometimes, they just need a clear, firm answer.”
Another asked, “Can you get her involved in a neurodiverse social skills group or program to meet other kids that have similar challenges so she can develop her social awareness?”
It can be difficult for neurodiverse children to make friends.
Sydney Reynders and Nicole Baumer wrote in Harvard Health Publishing, “Making friends and finding social opportunities can sometimes be difficult, particularly for children who are neurodiverse.”
“Everyone can be a friend; everyone deserves to have friends,” they added.
Reynders and Baumer further noted how important it is to teach children to embrace differences from a young age. Additionally, they said that social skills can be practiced at home.
Perhaps, if there are no friends to invite, it would work for this girl to have a sleepover with her mom or her older sister. That could allow her to practice for future sleepovers she will surely have.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.