8 Subtle Traits Of People Who Usually Get Broken Up With
Heartbreak is unavoidable for these people.
Motortion Films | Shutterstock Many couples in relationships don't initially realize it, but there are certain subtle traits of people who usually get broken up with. Sometimes, it's due to situations they cannot control, but other times, there are specific qualities that make their partner end the relationship, like being demanding, passive-aggressive, or far too controlling.
Unfortunately, these behaviors create barriers that prevent couples from forming long-lasting connections and keeping their relationship healthy and happy. Luckily, if people can recognize that their behavior is causing trouble with their romantic partner, they can work on eliminating it completely.
Here are 8 subtle traits of people who usually get broken up with
1. They don't know how to communicate
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People who usually get broken up with don't know how to communicate properly. They may sit in front of their partner not knowing what to do or what to say, and as a result they don't offer any positive input. While their partner begs them to be open and vulnerable, they tend to check out completely.
They also minimize their partner when they go through something, responding with something like, "Whatever, it's not a big deal," usually as a way to avoid taking accountability for the problems in their relationship. According to research from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, communication is related to relationship satisfaction. And while poor communication habits won't directly cause a relationship to deteriorate, it certainly plays a factor in it.
2. They're overly dependent
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People who are overly dependent on their partner tend to get broken up with because they don't quite understand the difference between devotion and unhealthy dependence. In their eyes, their partner is supposed to be there for them and help them carry the burden. Unfortunately, their high expectations result in their partner feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
Without time to decompress, this can create tension and even lead to a breakup. Both partners in the relationship should openly discuss their needs and feelings, and outlining when each needs to handle certain situations or emotions on their own. This ensures nobody in the partnership is feeling overwhelmed or engaging in unhealthy behaviors.
3. They're highly insecure
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Another trait of people who usually get broken up with are those who are highly insecure. They may have strict rules their partner must follow, like having no friends of the opposite gender, not being able to go out with friends on certain nights, or only wearing specific outfits.
On the outside, people might see this as creating a boundary, but boundaries are for the person making them, not the other person. Instead, this comes off as controlling. Each partner should honor the other's independence and trust them.
A study published in the research journal Attachment & Human Development discussed the adolescents and their romantic partners. In a videotaped observation with their partner, both partners filled out behavioral measures. Teens who selected partners that were considered highly anxious had relationships where the "highly anxious partner" was verbally and physically aggressive. Researchers claim this is because of an overinvestment in the relationship.
This is why talking through problems or insecurities is so important. Otherwise, someone's fears can get the best of them and cause problems in their relationship.
4. They avoid conflict
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People who usually get broken up with don't want to get into conflict or stir the pot, sometimes even giving in for the sake of ending an argument. But not sitting down and discussing these issues only causes tension and resentment.
According to the Gottman Institute, resentment causes people to get stuck in negative sentiment override. Due to this, behaviors and feelings like anger, sadness, rolling eyes, and crossing arms become the new norm in the relationship. When this happens, partners retreat and contempt starts to form. Expressing contempt leads to the destruction of a relationship, as it involves treating someone with disrespect and disgust. And when someone assumes their partner is disgusted with them, it's nearly impossible to keep a relationship going.
It's best for couples to put everything out on the table, never use "you" statements, and refrain from becoming defensive. It might take a while to get over any bumps in the road, but with consistency and commitment, even couples going through hard times will slowly begin to heal.
5. They're terrified of being vulnerable
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For people who usually get broken up with, they are scared to be vulnerable. When their partner confronts them about their feelings, they shut down emotionally. But it isn't because they don't have anything worthwhile to say; rather, they hate the idea of explaining their thoughts, especially when they don't understand it themselves.
They may become dismissive, saying things like, "I'm not upset, I'm perfectly fine," because it's easier to brush off those emotions than it is to face their fears and get emotional. Unfortunately, someone's inability to be vulnerable has drastic consequences. Not only can it lead to a lack of trust in a relationship, but, according to a study from the Journal of Psychosomatic Research, emotional suppression can increase the risk of earlier death, specifically from cancer.
Even if it's hard, couples should do their best to express their emotions and be vulnerable with their partner. After all, your counterpart is someone who should be supportive, no matter what.
6. They don't respect boundaries
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People who usually get broken up with have trouble respecting the boundaries of their partner. They may cling to them, call them all day long, spam them with texts when they don't answer, or even show up at their workplace. This type of behavior isn't healthy, as both people in a relationship need independence and freedom. Unfortunately, people who can't respect boundaries don't grasp this concept, and often overstep the boundaries their partner has set for them.
Couples can overcome this, however. They must listen to each other's needs and find ways to bring respect back into the relationship. They shouldn't try to argue with their partner's boundaries; instead, it's best to find ways to meet in the middle. This requires being a bit selfless and doing things they deem frustrating or undesirable. After all, compromise is key.
7. They're dismissive
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Unlike most people, individuals who tend to get broken up with don't want to hear about their partner's hardships or how their partner is feeling. In their eyes, their partner's emotions aren't that big of a deal and are a complete over-reaction.
They may even berate their partner, telling them to calm down, that it's not a big deal, and that other people have it worse. While they may see this as helpful, the reality is that rejection hurts a lot, especially from a romantic partner.
A study published in the research journal Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience found that rejection leads to feelings of hurt, embarrassment, guilt, loneliness, anxiety, and shame. It can also increase aggression the closer someone is to that person.
Couples should think twice before dismissing their partner's concerns as a minor deal. They could unintentionally be causing their loved one a lot of pain.
8. They refuse to apologize
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Everyone messes up from time to time, but people who get broken up with because of certain traits often refuse to appologize. When they make mistakes, they can't simply say, "I'm sorry"; rather, because of their ego, that's a risk they can't take. They avoid taking accountability by pretending the problem never happened in the first place.
But when people refuse to apologize, they're actually causing incredible damage. According to professor Jason Whiting, Ph.D., chronic defensiveness leads to someone's inability to grow and is a predictor of divorce. Toxic people tend to avoid accountability by rejecting feedback and placing blame on others. And that is a recipe for disaster, effectively ending a relationship.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.