Mom Wonders How To Interact With Her Brother & Sister-In-Law After They Asked Her To Adopt Their Twins
“My husband and I were shocked.”
Lakonac | Shutterstock For those who want children but are unable to have them biologically, adoption can be a wonderful option. One couple found themselves in that position and were actively looking into adoption as a way to grow their family.
Everything changed when some family members came to them with a strange proposal.
The adoptive mom said her brother and his wife offered up their twins when they realized they missed the life they had before kids.
A couple adopted their brother and sister-in-law’s twins because they began to see them as an ‘inconvenience.’
In October 7’s issue of Slate’s parenting column “Care and Feeding,” a concerned mom wrote in with a very interesting story.
“My husband and I went into parenting thinking we’d like to have three or four kids,” she explained. Unfortunately, she had complications with her first two pregnancies and had to have a hysterectomy after the second.
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“Last year, when our kids were three and four, we decided to explore adoptions and/or fostering, as we felt like we still had room and love for more children in our life,” she wrote.
“Around the same time, my sister-in-law got married and pregnant with twins,” she said. “She had never expressed much desire to have children and was definitely stressed to discover it was twins.”
After a weekend visit, the mom said her brother-in-law and sister-in-law used her to get a break from the babies, and they liked it so much that they wanted her to adopt them.
“When the twins were about six weeks old, they all came to stay with us for a weekend to attend sister-in-law’s friend’s wedding, during which we agreed to watch the babies,” she continued.
Later that night, the brother-in-law and sister-in-law sent a text saying they had had too much to drink and would be getting a hotel room for the night. The only problem was the in-laws didn’t return as expected the next day. Instead, they slept in and visited some shops.
They “thought it was a nice break from the babies.” It turned out that they really enjoyed that little break they took.
“Two weeks after the wedding, they asked to come visit us again,” she said. “They told us that having the twins was significantly more difficult than either of them had imagined and they were really missing their previous life and the ability to do whatever they wanted whenever they wanted.”
Because they knew they were looking into adoption, the brother and sister-in-law felt like this couple was perfect to take their kids. After much discussion and counseling, they agreed to legally adopt the twins.
While this mom and dad love all of their children, they don’t know what their broader family relationship should look like now.
“We absolutely love the babies and feel like our family is complete now, but I don’t know how to interact with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law anymore,” this mom confessed. “I lost all respect for them when they basically admitted that their kids were an inconvenience they wanted to be rid of.”
“My brother-in-law and sister-in-law have even asked us not to tell the twins we aren’t their biological parents, which goes against the legal agreement we signed,” she shared. “We plan to be open and honest with them about how they came to be a part of our immediate family.”
The advice columnist who responded to the mother reminded her that whatever they did was up to her and her husband as the legal parents.
“Adoption can mean a lot of joy, love and comfort, but it can also mean trauma, confusion and anger,” she explained.
This type of adoption is a kinship adoption.
According to the National Council for Adoption, this kind of adoption between family members is known as a “kinship adoption.”
The Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System found that 35% of adoptions facilitated by foster care were kinship adoptions in 2020.
Although kinship adoptions seem to be rising in popularity, that doesn’t make them easier on the families involved. These children will one day have to reckon with the fact that their biological parents, who have been viewed as their aunt and uncle, willingly gave them up for a simpler life.
That is impossibly difficult.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.