Woman Asks If It’s ‘Shallow’ To Break Up With Her Boyfriend For Not Paying Rent On Time
At what point does financial compatibility threaten a long-term relationship?
Dragana991 | CanvaPro Being on the same page with your partner is everything — how else can you navigate life without that foundation of trust? From loyalty to parenting styles and, of course, financial compatibility, trust is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship.
Unlike other relationship problems, the lack of financial compatibility has a uniquely strong power to disrupt a couple’s chance for success.
It’s exactly what a woman on Reddit was worried about. In a recent post to the “Am I Wrong?” subreddit, she explained, "I am in the position where I want to eventually get married and buy a house. I can’t trust my bf to cover his portion of our apartment rent. Or to tell me the truth that he has paid it."
A woman wondered if she was ‘shallow’ for breaking up with her boyfriend after he missed several rent payments and lied about it.
According to Fidelity’s 2024 Couples & Money Study, a quarter of couples admit “money problems” sit at the center of their biggest relationship qualms. With that in mind, it’s not unreasonable for this Reddit woman to consider breaking up with her partner after he lied about and missed several of their rent payments.
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“My boyfriend is 39, I’m 31. We’ve been together for 4 years and lived together for the last year,” she wrote in her post. “For the majority of 2024, my boyfriend has paid rent late. Like extremely late. Making me cover his portion for months at a time.”
After losing online banking privileges over her boyfriend’s late rent payments, the woman was worried about their financial compatibility.
“There was even an occasion where he lied saying he paid a past due balance, but I found out from our property manager he had not,” she added, explaining that because they shared the responsibility of paying rent, his mishaps often affected her financial stability and credit score.
“At this point our property manager has restricted our account because we had too many late payments … I just don’t feel like I need to deal with this, [struggling] so much, when he doesn’t tell me the truth.”
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If they can’t get on the same page now, how can she expect things to get better as the stress of life only grows more complex?
Lying about money isn’t the same as lying about cheating. A partner can heal from the heartbreak of infidelity but can’t always recover from a money mishap.
This is her livelihood and means of survival; it’s deeper than just a relationship disagreement.
While financial compatibility surely isn’t the only factor in a healthy relationship, experts suggest it’s nearly impossible to thrive without it.
Financial compatibility will never save a relationship without love, communication, or commitment, but it is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship, especially a long-term one.
If you’re planning on getting married but can’t stop bickering about savings or money, consider this a warning.
There are ways to compromise and get on the same page if you and your partner are struggling to feel financially compatible — whether that has to do with spending habits, saving, or even prioritizing bills and rent, like this couple.
“Take private time to talk about finances,” Leslie H. Tayne, a financial attorney on TikTok, suggested. “Be a good listener about your partner’s financial abilities and concerns … You have to be on the same page to achieve your goals together.”
Commenters argued that financial compatibility isn’t the only struggle this couple would need to overcome to establish a healthy foundation for their future; there are also clear trust issues.
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“You can deal with someone who is irresponsible with money,” one wrote, “but someone who lies about it is not someone you can trust or build a life with … I’ve been there and it’s derailed my life completely.”
Experts characterize this kind of irresponsibility and lying in a relationship as “financial infidelity,” where a partner withholds important information about their stability and engages in an entirely different relationship (in this case, with money) by lying to their partner.
If you believe your partner is lying about money or misleading you about their finances, but you’re not ready to end the relationship completely, consider therapy or counseling as a means to work through the issue.
It’s unlikely to heal from, cope with, and truly address issues of this magnitude without unbiased support — and don’t forget, it’s more common than you think.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories