New Mom Wonders If She Should Leave Her Husband After He ‘Panicked’ And Left Her Alone In The Delivery Room During Their Baby’s Birth
He left her alone when she needed him most.
Monkey Business Images | CanvaPro After being left by her husband in the hospital to deliver her baby alone, a new mom is desperately seeking relationship advice from friends, family, and, of course, Redditors.
Despite being clear about wanting her husband in the labor and delivery room with her, he bailed at the last minute, disappearing, not for just the labor but for hours after their son was born.
“He let me down in the worst possible way,” the mom wrote in her vulnerable Reddit post. “I’ve spent the rest of my hospital stay alone with my baby, trying to grapple with what's happened.”
The new mom's husband abandoned her in the delivery room before giving birth, only to reappear a day after the baby was born.
Having been together for 6 years, the woman had never been concerned about her and her husband’s communication. It was good, and through her “terrible pregnancy,” she'd considered him "her rock."
In the weeks and months leading up to her birth, they’d established a clear birth plan. He’d be there, right alongside her, and they’d welcome their first baby into the world together.
However, in the days leading up to her due date and after arriving at the hospital while in labor, she noticed her husband’s behavior changed dramatically. “He was acting strange. Distant, distracted … I thought he was just anxious about becoming a dad … but when we got there, he pulled the nurse aside.”
After watching him nervously checking his phone and pacing around the room, she hoped the nurse would give him some reassurance, but when she came back into the room, he wasn't with her. “She told me he wouldn’t be in the delivery room because he was ‘uncomfortable with blood and medical procedures.’”
Traumatized and exhausted after giving birth, she couldn’t bear to forgive, let alone be in the same room as her husband when he returned.
Not only was she stunned that her husband never mentioned this phobia before, especially during the vulnerable discussions they had leading up to the delivery.
“I begged him to stay, told him I needed him, but he just kept saying, ‘I can’t do this.’”
After telling her that he’d wait outside the room, she had no choice but to focus on the delivery. However, when she finally gave birth to their son, he was still nowhere to be found.
“The nurse handed me our son and all I felt was a deep sadness that [my husband] wasn’t there,” she wrote. “After I was taken to recovery, I asked the nurse to get him, but she said he’d left hours ago … I called, but he didn’t answer.”
When he finally showed up at the hospital over 24 hours later with flowers like an in-law visiting their grandchild, she was too confused and exhausted to argue. “He said he’d panicked and needed some air. He claimed he’d gone home to shower and fell asleep, but I didn’t buy it for a second.”
This new mom deserved to be supported during her birth, and her husband couldn't even be honest, so she could make alternate plans.
Commenters did not offer the husband much compassion. “My gut reaction says cheating,” one wrote, pointing out suspicions about his phone usage. “But even if he wasn't cheating, leaving you in labor? He cheated you out of feeling safe and supported.”
The new mom must now face the fact that the trust she thought she had in her relationship has been shattered. Not only that, but her birth experience will always be clouded by his actions.
“You need to decide now," one commenter pointed out. "Can he rebuild trust? If you got cancer or another diagnosis would he abandon you again?”
The birth could’ve gone entirely wrong, and this woman would’ve been alone. “Imagine all that grief you would’ve had to bear alone,” they added. “He needs to realize that this may be unforgivable.”
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Of course, the moment you come face-to-face with birth, especially as a new parent, it can be incredibly scary. In fact, a 1999 study found that even the most prepared fathers can face a crisis of conscience when faced with actual labor and delivery. Fears for the safety of both mother and child can become so overwhelming that reason goes out the window.
So, should this husband be forgiven for his misguided decisions during his wife’s birth, considering the heightened emotions and overwhelming fear many new parents experience?
Every relationship is different and chaotically unique, so it’s ultimately going to be this woman’s prerogative to decide what she can live with for the rest of their marriage.
“Every time I look at him, I remember being alone in the delivery room,” she wrote, “wondering why the person who promised me to be by my side wasn’t there … This might be a sign I can’t overlook.”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories