Divorce Lawyer Reveals The 5 Most Ridiculous Things Her Clients Have Spent Money Fighting Over
It's never actually about the remote control, of course…
ArtFamily | Shutterstock Several years ago, the phrase "It's not about the dishes!" became a popular online refrain after a man went viral with an article about how his wife divorced him because he left dishes in the sink.
Because it's truly never about the dishes, right? The underlying issue is always something much deeper. The dishes are just the breaking point—or maybe a convenient scapegoat that helps evade the REAL issue.
According to one divorce attorney, this projection dynamic definitely carries over into divorce proceedings once the arguments about dishes lead to a lawyer's office — with often absurdly hilarious, not to mention expensive, results.
The divorce lawyer shared 5 ridiculous things couples fought over in their divorce:
Deepa Tailor of Canadian family law practice Divorce Lawyers said she was inspired to compile a list of wild divorce battles by an infamous case in the 1990s that pretty much anyone of a certain age will remember: a couple who went to battle over their extensive collection of highly valuable Beanie Babies.
An image of courtroom personnel hand-dividing the couple's collection of Beanie Babies became one of the first-ever internet memes because of its absurdity — which seems all the sillier now, given that Beanie Babies are… well, not worth much.
“Most Beanie Babies nowadays are worth little more than a few dollars, which really speaks to how silly it is to get worked up over invaluable and non-sentimental items of property in a divorce," Tailor said, "especially when all the time spent arguing over who gets what is time you’re paying your attorney."
But that has not stopped couples from sparring over totally mindless and meaningless issues. Here are five of the most ridiculous things Tailor has seen couples battle over in divorces.
1. An ashtray
Imagine spending $5000 arguing over who gets custody of an ashtray you and your wife bought on a trip to Las Vegas. (And imagine how ugly an ashtray bought in Vegas probably is.)
But for one man it was worth every penny — even after his attorney explained he could simply go to Vegas and buy a new one for half that. Turns out, as always, it wasn't about the ashtray. He just wanted to win it so he could smash it on the courthouse steps in front of his wife.
“Sure enough, when he won, he did exactly that," Tailor shared, "and said the look on his wife’s face was worth the money!”
2. Half the shampoo
This is sort of in the "death by a thousand paper cuts" department. A woman demanded she be awarded half of all the shampoo in the house. Okay, fine, whatever, right?
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Except she meant half of each OPENED bottle of shampoo, meaning her husband had to go through and extract exactly half of whatever was left in each bottle BY LAW. Weird? For sure. Diabolical? Absolutely.
Worth the $50 it cost to have her attorney send an email demanding her husband go through each bottle with a measuring spoon (or however you measure shampoo)? Well, that's in the eye of the beholder but presumably yes!
3. The batteries in the remote control
One woman took the 50/50 split to an even further extreme by itemizing everything in the house — right down to the batteries in the remote controls and wall clocks. One battery for him, one battery for her. Fair is fair!
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“Needless to say, no one needs to get that detailed when splitting up property," Tailor said, "and you’ll only end up annoying your attorney and the judge if you do."
4. A regular, old, inexpensive lamp
Would you be willing to pay an attorney $6000 to quibble over a lamp? And not a valuable lamp, not the kind of lamp that fetches thousands of dollars on "Antiques Roadshow." Just a regular HomeGoods lamp?
No? Me neither. But one couple was, despite being in agreement over every other item in their house!
"Sometimes an easily replaceable item of furniture becomes the focus of a fight not because of its monetary or sentimental value, but because the couple wants to fight or feel like they’ve ‘won,’" Tailor said. We stan a petty queen!
5. Tupperware
Yes, Tupperware. And not even nice Tupperware, the kind that had decades-old spaghetti sauce stains cooked into the plastic. Of course, now that the iconic brand has gone out of business, this might actually become a collector's item, so maybe this particular bit of pettiness will pay off!
These are just some of the weird things Tailor says she's seen couples fight over — including a favorite kitchen spatula and a garden gnome. And lest you think she and her fellow attorneys are egging these people on, think again.
“My goal is to help them see the bigger picture — focusing on their future well-being rather than getting caught up in the heat of the moment over minor possessions," she said.
But sometimes, there's just no way around a couple's desire to stick it to one another. Maybe sometimes it really IS about the dishes — or the batteries in the remote control, as it were.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.