Mom Is Upset Her 29-Year-Old Husband Has A 19-Year-Old Female 'Running Buddy' — 'I Can't Help Feeling Jealous'
His lack of transparency gave her a valid reason to be concerned.
pixelshot | Canva Pro With the exception of those who miraculously don’t ever get jealous (props to you for being so confident), it’s not uncommon for individuals in a relationship to experience jealousy over their partner’s new and attractive friends. Jealousy pervades most monogamous relationships which is why it’s so important to communicate your concerns and worries fairly with your partner whenever these feelings come up.
Now, not every female friend a man has is going to pose a risk to his marriage, as there happen to be faithful men out there who value their wives. However, the details of this story seemed to imply otherwise based on one husband’s questionable reactions to his wife’s jealousy.
A wife took to Reddit asking if she was wrong for demanding her husband cut his new ‘running buddy’ off, who just so happened to be a 19-year-old college student.
In the AITA post, the 28-year-old wife explained she and her 29-year-old husband have been “happily married” for four years and have a daughter together. Her husband frequently goes for 90-minute runs at a track, and he recently befriended a 19-year-old fellow runner, a female college athlete. He recruited her as his new running partner, and they run together three times a week.
The wife revealed how her husband waited to update her about his new running friend, adding that they even socialized and got food together afterward. She explained that her husband is a former athlete, so she didn’t pay his connection with the young woman too much mind at first. But after a few weeks and seeing a picture of the “pretty” woman, she began to question if she should be concerned.
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“I started to feel that this wasn’t appropriate and wanted him to spend that time with me and our family instead,” the mom wrote in her post. “I told him this and asked him to cut her off, but he told me to relax. We got into an argument, and he called me insecure.”
For her peace of mind, the mom suggested the compromise of her and her daughter visiting the track and watching him and the woman run from the bleachers, with her getting the chance to meet the woman for herself afterward. He refused, however, claiming this would only be awkward and imply to his friend that his wife doesn’t trust him.
The mom called him immature for “trying to relive his youth” with the young, attractive woman. She reminded him he is responsible for their daughter, who would love to spend more time with him, but the husband remained unwilling to end his new friendship with the college student.
His lack of validation led the wife to feel wrong for her jealousy, but many women claimed they would feel the same way.
While there’s nothing particularly wrong with the husband choosing to have a running partner, even an attractive one who is 10 years younger than him, his reactions to his wife’s concerns are what seem to be the problem.
Reddit users agreed that the wife is valid for feeling uncomfortable with her husband’s friendship. “Something's off here. He's more worried about his new little friend's opinion of him than your opinion of him, and that's... concerning,” someone commented on the post.
“He's more concerned that she'd think that you distrust him than the fact that… you actually distrust him.”
“The moment he puts the other woman's feelings and opinion above the feelings and opinions of his spouse, there is a problem,” someone else identified.
Others argued that the husband shouldn’t have agreed to the running arrangement with the attractive young adult, who is fresh out of high school, to begin with.
They claimed that while someone in a relationship spending time with a friend group is harmless, weekly one-on-one activities, on the other hand, are a “recipe for disaster.”
“If a guy who's hot and right up my alley wanted to start exercising together (which in itself can be a bonding activity), I would simply say no. It's out of respect for my husband,” one woman pointed out.
“I value my relationship and never want to even allow a situation where I catch feelings for someone. It’s just not a difficult choice for me because my partner is so amazing.”
Trust and communication are the backbone of a successful marriage.
Married couples can have friendships with others outside their relationship. Plenty of healthy marriages prioritize friendships with others (yes, even those of the opposite sex) as long as they enforce boundaries and are intentional about these friendships.
It’s critical for them to remain open with their spouse and ensure their feelings are their top priority, no matter what.
As one married man in the comments highlighted, age gaps and differing genders aren’t automatic red flags in a married individual’s friendships. Rather, the way they go about the friendship is what matters.
“I'm (35m) developing a friendship with a 32f coworker. I didn't just happen to forget to mention that the new person was a woman, and I tell my wife any notable conversations and stories involving her,” the man shared. “We have pending plans for the three of us to get together for lunch when schedules align.”
He added that things would likely be different if the friend was a man, but he wants to be fair and respectful of his wife’s feelings, and his friend understands this as well.
The wife may not have anything to worry about, but she may need to address her husband’s lack of openness to help her better trust him.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.