9 Signs You Were Often Overlooked As A Child And It's Affecting You Now
Childhood wounds can make adulthood tough.
Wirestock Creators | Shutterstock Now that you're an adult, you may notice the signs you were overlooked as a child, as it's affecting you currently. Your childhood may have left invisible scars, and it may not have hit you until now.
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, childhood trauma leads to health and emotional response problems. Because of this, it's important to know how being overlooked as a child impacts you as an adult.
If you can understand your trauma, you'll likely have a much better time healing it, preventing your trauma responses from interfering in your relationships. But you won't really know until you face your past head-on.
Here are 9 signs you were often overlooked as a child and it's affecting you now
1. You have trouble expressing your emotions
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As an overlooked child, you never learned to fully express yourself due to the criticism you faced at the hands of your parents or guardians. You were told your feelings weren't important and your worries insignificant. You developed into an adult who never learned how to open up to others.
According to multiple research studies, as neglected children turn into adults, they have an increased risk of being low-income, and developing psychiatric disorders, substance abuse problems, and mental health issues. Neglected children also have problems relating to peers, changing the way they express emotions.
2. You suffer from low self-esteem
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One of the signs you were often overlooked as a child and it's affecting you now was the way in which you developed self-esteem issues. You were made to feel invisible, were ignored, and your emotional needs were never met. Your parents didn't uplift you or make you feel good about yourself.
As a result, now that you're an adult you have insecurity problems, constantly criticizing yourself and being unhappy with the person you are today. And, according to BMC Psychiatry, psychological maltreatment during childhood can create low self-esteem in adolescence.
3. You're afraid of being abandoned
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When you grow up as a child who is constantly overlooked, you turn into an adult who has an uncontrollable fear of abandonment. Perhaps you grow overly attached to people, have catastrophic thinking, or are hyper-critical of individuals you come across. It's extremely damaging to your relationships.
It's well-known that human beings need connection and socialization to thrive, which is why you might naturally gravitate towards certain groups, because you want to feel like you belong. But like anything in life, there needs to be balance.
When you find yourself abandoning your own needs in favor of others', it's a sign your childhood is affecting you in adulthood and it might be time to seek help.
4. You're a perfectionist
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Perfectionism can quickly consume your life, especially if you were often overlooked as a child. Back then, you were denied reassurance from your parents and constantly criticized; as a result, you have a fear of making mistakes, so you're incredibly adamant about everything being perfect to avoid a blow-up. As an adult, you have a burning desire to be acknowledged and praised.
According to Jessica Koehler Ph.D., an associate faculty member in the University of Arizona Global Campus Psychology Department, kids who grew up with perfectionist parents have an increased risk of developing anxiety and stress.
They are constantly racing to meet their parent's unrealistic expectations, becoming stressed when they fail. For you, because you recognize this as one of the signs you were often overlooked as a child, you just can't help yourself from creating unrealistic expectations and demanding to be in control.
5. You're bad at setting healthy boundaries
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Growing up, you desperately tried to set healthy boundaries with your parents, only to be met with firm scoldings and dismissive hand gestures. Because of this, you stopped expressing yourself and the boundaries you needed to thrive mentally.
As an adult, you struggle with voicing your comfortability levels, and often feel unsafe in your personal relationships. People may trample all over your boundaries, but you let them, because you don't know any different.
According to psychologist Helene Brenner, Ph.D. and couples therapist Larry Letich, LCSW-C, feeling unsafe leads to overwhelm and feeling frightened by yourself and others. It can cause you to pull away, leading to a diminished mental health and relationship satisfaction.
6. You have difficulty trusting others
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If you were an overlooked child, you likely turned into an adult who can't trust anyone. You may have grown up emotionally abandoned and left to fend for yourself, while the adults around you went on with their daily lives.
As a result, you don't know how to depend on others, let alone trust them. A 2021 study found that people who experienced childhood maltreatment have lower levels of trust. This means that, as an adult, you struggle to develop meaningful connections with others, as you simply won't let yourself be vulnerable.
As hard as it may be, do your best to be aware of your trauma responses. Understanding where they stem from can make it much easier to work through and heal.
7. You have unhealthy coping skills
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Another of the glaring signs you were often overlooked as a child and it's affecting you now is the lack of guidance you received from your parents in dealing with your emotions. You were left to figure life out all on your own, leaving you unable to cope with emotional extremes.
Research from Harvard Review of Psychiatry determined that childhood trauma is associated with a reduced ability to understand and regulate emotions. For you, it means you've created unhealthy coping mechanisms and might engage in risky behaviors to calm your nerves. You might also bury yourself in work, believing it's saving your anxiety.
But in the end, unhealthy coping mechanisms lead to the destruction of your mental and physical health. Though it might feel overwhelming at first, seeking professional help is the best way to break this bad habit.
8. You struggle with intimacy
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Growing up, your parents likely denied you any physical affection, as you were often overlooked as a child. Now that you're an adult, it's increasingly difficult to receive love and intimate connections, especially in romantic relationships.
You may fear getting touchy-feely with your partner, or are uncomfortable expressing physical affection. In turn, your partner may begin to feel unloved, creating a rift in your relationship.
Remember that communication is key to getting through intimacy problems. It may be time to have a one-on-one talk with your partner, or reach out to a professional.
9. You self-sabotage
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Another of the big signs you were often overlooked as a child and it's affecting you now is the way you tend to sabotage yourself. Self-sabotaging behaviors might cause you to cut off a healthy relationship or ruin a perfectly good job opportunity, all because of the way you were raised.
According to well-being expert Tchiki Davis, Ph.D., self-sabotaging behaviors start off as a protection mechanism. Your brain doesn't like the unfamiliar and believes it's unsafe, so to protect you, your brain unconsciously looks for ways to let go of those triggers. To quell the self-sabotage, Davis suggests knowing yourself, identifying your triggers, being self-compassionate, and getting more comfortable with failure.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.