People Who Avoid These 5 Common Habits Live The Most Satisfying Lives
The unusual perspective being embraced by more and more successful people.
furkanfdemir | Canva Our world is obsessed with productivity. It feels like it isn't enough to be good at your job, you also have to be an excellent tennis player, a perfect parent, and a loving partner. To do all of this, we multitask. The problem? Multitasking doesn't work. That's why successful people avoid the most common downfalls of multitasking.
Former Taoist monk Dr. Pedram Shojai should know. As a best-selling author, Qigong master, husband and father, he insists that the drive to multitask is strong, even for him. Opening up in The Relationship Fitness Summit, Dr. Shojai explains what he does, instead.
The Relationship Fitness Summit, hosted by CEO of YourTango Andrea Miller, is a free, fully virtual event from September 25th through the 28th, where you can learn every aspect of bringing your best self into relationships.
Five common habits that truly happy, successful people avoid
So, what things do those successful people who are happy and fulfilled in all areas of their lives do differently? First, most of them refuse to do these five things.
1. They won't focus on more than one big project at a time
"There's an absolute farce out there around this concept of multitasking. It's complete B.S.," begins Dr. Shojai.
And this B.S. is exactly why successful people never split their attention when it comes to important projects. Unlike most of us, successful people understand that the key to good work is individual focus.
This is why they're so selective on where they put their focus. They're actively measuring what is and isn't worth their time.
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2. They won't try to sneak work into date night or couple time
It can feel anxiety-inducing to not get your work done on time — and in today's always-connected society, it feels like work is never done. Because of this, you might feel the need to sneak in an assignment when you're supposed to be spending time with your partner.
This is a big no-no in the eyes of a successful person, who understands that the key to success in a relationship is being good for the other person, and spending time with those who are good for your mental health. That simply cannot happen if you aren't fully present with your partner.
Dr. Shojai admits that he needed to learn to pull his focus away. He explained, "So, I really became a staunch advocate of pulling my focus and my attention back into my own forehead so that I could put it back on my life priorities."
According to researchers from Southern Methodist University and Michigan State, data shows that when we spend time with our loved ones, our overall well-being increases. Yet another reason to be present and connected with our partners!
3. They will never check social media while actively parenting
The worst thing you can do as a parent is to be on your phone all day. Understand that time with your child isn't unlimited and that you need to make the most of it. Not only will they be grown before you know it, they need our undivided, face-to-face attention in order to develop healthy self-esteem.
Plus, constantly checking your phone is a bad habit that can rub off on your kids. Research out of Korea has shown that parents who frequently check their phones have kids who are more likely to copy that bad habit and may affect their behavior negatively offline, as well.
Not only that, but The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University points out that constantly neglecting your child leads to a range of physical and mental health consequences.
While it may seem to us that scrolling or working on our devices while spenidng time with our kids is harmless, this habit might have more devastating consequences than we want to believe.
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4. They won't let distractions interrupt their focus
Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, you'll never escape distractions in your day-to-day life. It's well known that distractions are a simple part of life. Yet unlike most, successful people don't let distractions consume their lives — they learn to manage them. Meditation can help.
Dr. Shojai admits that he's a busy person who "does more than your average bear." He continues, "And I can tell you that I suck at multitasking. But I'm excellent when I'm focused on one thing at a time."
So, if you struggle with distractions the best way to control distractions is to treat them as a distracting thought while meditating. It can be helpful to ask yourself, "Who is in control of my attention?" Because, as Dr. Shojai explains, "If it's not, you then you're screwed."
Next, you'll want to observe the distraction, name it as such, and simply let it pass — without judgment, of course! There are plenty of guided meditations that can help you practice this. You will get better and better at focusing over time.
It's also important to understand the difference between a distraction and a need. For instance, getting up to go for a walk after an intense brainstorming session at work is not a distraction — it's a mental health need. Eating healthy food when you're hungry is a need, not a distraction. So stay hydrated, move around, and include that in your focused schedule.
5. They won't let hurt or fear keep them from being vulnerable with the people they care about
Holding onto resentment or ruminating isn't a distraction, yet they're rooted in the same thing — a lack of being in the present moment.
Yet, it's hard to place blame when we look at our culture. Most people were made to be hungry ghosts.
"Where the Buddha calls us hungry ghosts," Dr. Shojai explains. "The Buddha said folks who are stuck in aversions and cravings are hungry ghosts."
"[This] means they're looking for solutions outside themselves, instead of knowing that the true transition to mastery comes from within."
And this growth, this mastery, is prevented when we let fear keep us from getting vulnerable with the people we care about — and most importantly, ourselves.
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For more helpful insights from Dr. Shojai and many others, including Marianne Williamson, Dr. Laura Berman, Terry Real, Jenn Lim, Dr. Judy Ho, and Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, tune into the free Relationship Fitness Summit, September 25 - 28, where you will have the opportunity to learn:
- Tools, skills, and strategies to improve your relationship in all key areas of your life. Whether that be in your work life, family life, friendships, love life, or your relationship with yourself.
- Learning to deep listen, take accountability, and develop the curiosity to achieve exceptional relationships.
- Understanding that there's power in relationship fitness and that it's key to happiness, longevity, health, emotional wellness, and even financial well-being.
- ...and so much more!
It's all free and sign-ups are open now!
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.