Working Mom Admits She Doesn’t Want To See Her Young Kids Every Day If She Doesn’t Have To
Her take stirred controversy, but we may be setting the bar too high for moms.
Hrecheniuk Oleksii | Shutterstock If you’re a parent, I’m sure you love your kids to death and can’t imagine life without them. While this is the case for most parents, a sense of independence is still crucial. You can only give so much of your undivided attention to your kids until you ultimately burn yourself out.
It can be easy to neglect your own needs when a whole other life is in your hands. That’s why creating a healthy space between you and your kids can encourage independence in children but also help you stay connected to yourself. Distance does make the heart grow fonder.
One working mom took to TikTok to confess she doesn’t want to look after her young kids full-time.
Many people might wince at this mom’s bold statement, but would they react the same way if a dad shared the same perspective?
Lucy, who goes by @abundantlylucy, posted the video in response to a commenter asking if she had any regrets about separating from her co-parent and no longer being with her kids every day. Contrary to popular belief, Lucy admitted, “I don’t want to see my kids every day. I said it.”
This may seem like a taboo idea, but is it so wrong for moms to crave some time to themselves now and then?
The mom recognized the controversy her admission to enjoying time away from her kids might cause.
While many TikTokers in the comments questioned her reasoning for sharing such a statement, she aimed to raise awareness about the reality of parenthood and how it’s meant to be a shared responsibility.
“If I had to have [my kids] full-time for any reason, of course I would,” Lucy clarified. “I would embrace it, and I would make that our life.”
However, she shared how when she and her co-parent were together and first had kids, she was firm about ensuring their parenting responsibilities would be split fairly.
This is not the case for every parent. According to data released by the U.S. Census Bureau in 2022, there were 10.9 million single-parent households with a child under 18 years old, and 80% were maintained by a mother. This statistic continues to grow every year.
“I think society still sits everything on the mother of the children, which, personally to me, feels really unfair,” Lucy suggested.
Moms deserve time to themselves to rest and recharge.
Lucy shared how she has raised her kids and worked full-time on her own for the last six years. She revealed how trying to manage these responsibilities evenly has impacted her role as a mom.
“I have constantly been on the go dealing with work and children,” she said. “I’ve not felt like I was the best mom because I was splitting my time to work at the same time, and I didn’t feel like I was the best businesswoman because I was having to deal with the kids all the time.”
While it’s obviously important to always be a pillar of safety, love, and security for your kids, Lucy argued that moms admitting they need some space to themselves should be a more normalized and socially acceptable idea. In fact, alone time for self-care and rest can strengthen your role as a parent.
As Dr. Christina Hibbert, a clinical psychologist, suggested, your mental health as a mom matters, not only for your own sake but for the sake of your kids, too. By prioritizing time away from your role as a parent, you’re allowing yourself the space to unwind, relax, and self-regulate. A lack of alone time as a parent may likely lead to poor physical and mental health, less patience and satisfaction with life, and increased parenting distress.
“I carried everything on our shoulders,” Lucy reflected. “And with that came postnatal depression, health issues, other mental issues because I was so incredibly run down from doing everything.”
Far too many parents have confessed to regretting having kids because of other parents sugarcoating the lifestyle. For this reason, other parents should focus on the significance of addressing the topic with transparency.
Parenting is not an easy job, and it’s especially challenging when you have to do it alone, and society criticizes you for acknowledging your own needs.
TikTokers identified how there isn’t nearly as much scrutiny against working dads, identifying a problematic double standard in parenting dynamics.
Lucy shared how she and her co-parent now have a balanced parenting schedule. When her kids stay with their dad, she has the time and space to get her work done and address her own needs. And this routine has allowed her to value quality time with her kids much more.
Several parents in the comments criticized Lucy for seeming ungrateful for the blessing it is to have kids, but this is beside her point. It’s natural and healthy to be grateful for your kids without feeling pressured into burning yourself out because of society’s excessive expectations surrounding the role of a mom.
“Why don’t people ask dads this?” one TikToker asked in the comments. “‘Don’t you miss them, don’t you want them full time?’ — why is it just mums who get made guilty for wanting a partnership?”
Lucy solely aimed to emphasize the significance of treating parenting as a shared responsibility, as one can’t hold it down all on their own without losing themselves in the process. If it takes two individuals to reproduce, then it takes two to raise a child.
Remember to be mindful of your needs as a parent, and don’t feel guilty for needing a day off. A pivotal element of being a good mom is caring for yourself first. If you don’t let yourself take a break, you and your kids will both face consequences in the long term.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.