Lonely Men Often Display 9 Specific Behaviors Without Even Realizing It
Loneliness and isolation make men entirely different people.
Andrii Nekrasov | Shutterstock Right now, there's a loneliness epidemic among men. A study from the Survey Center on American Life found that 15% of men claim they have no close friends, a five-fold increase since 1990. Additional research from Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice determined that two-thirds of men feel that "no one really knows them well."
With men facing an increased risk of isolation, there are a few very specific behaviors lonely men often display, usually without realizing it. In fact, the people around them may not even notice.
But in order for men to know whether or not they are at risk for depressive symptoms as a result of loneliness, it's essential for them, and everyone they know, to be aware of the signs.
Here are 9 specific behaviors lonely men often display without realizing it
1. They frequently work overtime
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Lonely men find it comforting to work long hours because they don't have to face their emotions. Burying themselves in work distracts them from what they feel deep down inside. These men are content with "working on their career" if it means not addressing their avoidant tendencies.
But this can backfire for a multitude of reasons, including an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, hypertension, depression, anxiety, increased work stress, tiredness, and occupational injury, according to collective research published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health.
Men overworking themselves strips away their ability to make and maintain meaningful connections, among their co-workers, as well as their family, friends, and romantic partner. Over time, it can cause discord in their relationships.
2. They overexercise
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For men who choose to overwork their body, it could be a sign of a mental health disorder, in addition to being lonely. A study from Sport and Exercise Medicine found that, compared to light exercisers, heavy exercisers experience higher mental health issues and stress.
To fill the void of not having meaningful connections, lonely men look at ways to channel their pain, typically through physical exertion. By pumping their bodies full of endorphins, they are able to put all their hurt and repression into something productive.
This can have devastating effects on men's bodies, sometimes with life-threatening consequences. One such condition is rhabdomyolysis, when muscle tissue breaks down and releases both creatine kinase and myoglobin, which can damage kidney function.
3. They're serial daters
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Another specific behavior lonely men often display is being a serial dater. Men who date multiple women at once, or are never single for long, avoid being alone; otherwise, they become anxious.
Dan Bolton, a licensed counselor and men's relationship coach, said that the reason why men struggle with loneliness is because of their inability to form meaningful connections. According to Bolton, men don't share their pain for fear of being rejected, which is exactly why they struggle more with loneliness compared to women.
To compensate for their loneliness, men might serial date to get the love and connection they've always wanted, not realizing that it's pushing their problems down. It's essential for men with this behavior to heal themselves before entering a serious relationship. Otherwise, they may end up in a codependent situation, repeating the same unhealthy patterns.
4. They overeat
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Loneliness has long been linked to depression. As such, men who overeat may be severely depressed as a result of isolation.
A study published in the research journal Appetite determined that people with depressive symptoms have dysfunctional coping strategies, such as overeating. These individuals engage in binge-eating as a way to reduce their negative moods. An additional 2022 study focused on loneliness found an association between loneliness and disordered eating among boys, specifically dieting. In adolescence, the more lonely a boy is the more disordered eating and dieting he engages in.
Men should prioritize their mental health, especially with the endless risks that accompany eating too much. It's important they focus on maintaining a healthy and balanced diet.
5. They're highly self-critical
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It's often assumed that lonely men don't have the same support system as those who are more involved socially. Because of this, one of the specific behaviors lonely men often display without realizing it is their lack of motivation, which can damage their confidence.
According to research from 2022, people with low self-esteem engage in antisocial behavior, and have worse physical and mental health. People with high self-esteem, however, have greater social support, better grades, and greater satisfaction at work.
This same research emphasized that regardless of gender or race, people with high self-esteem succeed across all areas of life. Unfortunately, for men who are lonely, that isolation can deplete their confidence and lead them to be even more critical of themselves.
6. They refuse to share their feelings with others
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Men who are lonely tend to fear rejection and vulnerability, which should come as no surprise since society has told men to toughen up and stop complaining for generations. Society tells men that being vulnerable is weak, or that holding in emotions is what "real men" do.
But when lonely men refuse to express their emotions, they bottle up everything inside. It damages their relationships and makes it more difficult for them to form connections with others. And, as science has found, human beings need relationships and social connections to thrive.
Without opening themselves up to others, men can become lonely, as a lack of social connection creates an increased risk of depression and mortality. Men need to realize that there's nothing wrong with sharing their emotions and that, in fact, doing so is an indicator of strength.
7. They dwell on the past
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Another of the specific behaviors lonely men often display without realizing it is the tendency to keep themselves in a negative state of mind when reminiscing about the past. Lonely men tend to dwell on it in an unhealthy way.
Though there's nothing wrong with reflection, constantly thinking about the past can damage a person's mental health. According to research in the Journal of Happiness Studies, reminiscing is linked to a decreased mood. The study of 637 elderly participants determined that although reminiscing was great for curing boredom and strengthening connections, it was also linked to depression, bitterness, sadness, and regret.
Lonely men need to be mindful of how much they dwell on their past choices, and stop holding it against themselves.
8. They're chronically online
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Lonely men who are chronically online may do so to escape the reality of not having strong connections with other people. Due to their loneliness and isolation, they become susceptible to finding toxic online communities that often appear harmless, but can increase their aggression.
Research from the journal Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy looked at the incel community and found that men who were sucked into the "manosphere" had the potential to act more violently against women. These men also had an increased risk of developing anxiety and depression. An additional study from the Journal of Research in Medical Sciences looking at chronic internet use found that internet dependency leads to depression, anxiety, paranoia, and sensitivity.
For lonely men who display behaviors like this, it's best to avoid message boards or online communities that spread toxic messages. Of course, there's nothing wrong with seeking out connections online, but men should be incredibly cautious.
9. They're often lost in thought
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Being lost in thought is one of the specific behaviors lonely men often display without realizing it. They may daydream because they fear the thought of facing reality and don't want to admit they are feeling isolated. So, they transport themselves to a place that's better than their current situation.
But daydreaming about a better life won't change the circumstances. In fact, 2014 research found a link between daydreaming and depression. People who negatively daydream can experience schizophrenia, anxiety, and dissociation.
Rather than dreaming about a different reality, lonely men can make an effort to get out there into the world, meet new people, and create experiences that will take them from feeling alone, to immersing themselves in true connection.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.