7 Rare Ways To Attract Literally Anyone To You, According To Psychology
A little extra awareness will change your life.
Lau Baldo | Unsplash I’ve learned that a significant part of the attraction is rooted in standing out from the crowd. There’s something irresistible and even mysterious when we do things differently from most. That doesn’t mean that everything we do that’s different will attract others. People are quick to make snap judgments, and this is something we can take advantage of to strengthen our connections.
Here are 7 rare ways to attract literally anyone to you, according to psychology:
1. Don’t interrupt
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Such a simple thing. But it’s not easy to do. Many don’t even realize it when they do it, but they interrupt, not to be intentionally rude, but often out of insecurity.
When we interrupt, we inadvertently signal our sense of inadequacy. We want to be seen. So, we undermine the attention others are getting to steal back some for ourselves.
This is a low-status activity and will lose your respect. Give people space. This is what leaders do. They are in no rush and are happy for others to be in the limelight.
2. Become adept at a particular skill
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Developing a higher-than-average level of skill for something isn’t common. It demonstrates perseverance and grit that many don’t have.
Whether it’s mastering juggling or reaching higher echelons of achievement as an artist, teacher, dancer, writer, or sailor, this all emphasizes your stand-out quality. Reaching higher skill levels is attractive to many in a similar way as reaching celebrity status can.
Researchers from the American Psychological Association (APA) looked at the habits of top performers in fields like sports, music, mathematics, and chess and noticed an interesting pattern. They engage in focused, intense practice sessions, but usually only for an hour or two at a time.
3. Wear something that surprises.
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Being a little different at the surface level of appearance needn’t mean walking around like a walking billboard. Subtlety wins here, especially in a world where everyone is tripping over themselves to stand out with an over-emphasis on appearance.
Wear something that interrupts the expectation others might have of someone like you. You could wear typical clothes like most others but have a stand-out watch, bracelet, or unusual socks.
If it’s unexpected, it tends to stick in the memory. Memorable things often elevate your perceived value, which is often attractive.
4. Accept criticism without taking it personally
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Most people are quick to take things personally. Someone might criticize them, or they may take things the wrong way. They are visibly flustered or annoyed.
They may go quiet (as was often my style when I took things personally growing up). This demonstration of insecurity based on a thought-created interpretation of events is a waste of energy, eats at you from the inside, is immature, and is ultimately unattractive.
Those who have developed an OKness with being criticized and gently smile when insulted aren’t pushovers. They simply no longer see the connection between what others think and their well-being. They no longer seek validation, nor are they affected by insult. This is deeply attractive.
A 2022 study from the National Library of Medicine found that hurt feelings are common in interpersonal relationships. Findings showed that the source of criticism could influence its impact on the relationship, providing evidence suggesting that different relationship types have varying vulnerabilities in terms of damage to the relationship due to hurtful communication.
5. Open up about something that takes courage to share
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People who garner tons of respect from sharing something vulnerable do so because it takes courage. Why though? It requires bravery to reveal things that make you look less than perfect or socially acceptable. But it doesn’t stop here.
This is where some people get it mixed up. It’s not about sharing things in a vulnerable way for the sake of it. If that worked, we’d all be harping on about the acne or our butts.
Being vulnerable is respected when it serves a positive purpose. When I am willing to look ‘inferior’ to demonstrate a point that ultimately helps others, that’s strength.
For example, you can tell me that you still get anxious before interviews, but you tell me so that I feel encouraged. You are showing me your humanity while lifting me. That takes courage and pitches you as an example-setting leader, not a loser.
Research from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that people bond in so many ways, including through engaging around their similar sense of reality and enjoying positive feelings together. Other ways of connection that may or may not require vulnerability include being affectionate, celebrating one another’s successes, coordinating body and mind in shared activities like singing and dancing, or supporting others who need help.
6. Be playful, but not mean
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In striving for niceness, people inadvertently drain all the soul from them, slipping into the background thanks to their vanilla exterior. Being a little cheeky will set you apart.
You don’t always need to be nice to people if it’s done playfully. This is refreshing to people. Go against the grain, be a little naughty, and you will have people falling in love with you.
A study by the APA on social rejection revealed an interesting pattern. It found that excluded individuals often respond to rejection by seeking inclusion elsewhere. This heightened sensitivity to potential signs of connection leads them to tailor their behavior accordingly.
7. Make people feel heard
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The next time you watch people interact, note how present people are in the conversation. A lot of the time, you will find people anywhere but in the interaction. People are lost in their heads.
They’re either self-conscious and fidgety or somewhere else, thinking about whether they left the iron on at home or they’re thinking of something clever to say next. They aren’t there.
Being there with someone, truly listening, and absorbing what they say will set you apart. People will be amazed at how heard they feel, even if you barely talk.
A 2020 study from the National Library of Medicine suggests that supervisors skilled in active, empathetic listening positively affect their employees’ accomplishments, enthusiasm, involvement at work, and emotional energy.
The results indicate that workplaces and management need to pay more attention to supportive leadership, which considers conscious and active listening-centered communication to be highly significant for employees’ perception of good working conditions and, subsequently, their work engagement. People are well-attuned to sensing the presence of others. Be still. Be there. This will attract people to you, and often they won’t even know why.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.