6 Small Things Every Wife Hopes Her Husband Will Do For Her, According To Experts
Easy preventative maintenance ideas for your marriage.
Ketut Subiyanto | Unsplash A marriage takes forethought, especially around the daily interactions to demonstrate love. However, showing love and commitment does not have to be a challenge. When we let the little things go forgotten, we can slip into apathetic routines, but you can adjust your routines to include the small actions she hopes you know will keep the marriage happy and healthy.
Here are 6 small things every wife hopes her husband will do for her. according to experts:
1. Truly listen to her words and show it
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One of the best things a husband can do for his wife is to show he’s truly listening, as supported by the International Journal of Listening. For example, when she’s sharing the small frustrations of her day — like the broken fax machine, a difficult boss, or pencils rolling off her desk because she doesn’t have a holder—it’s not just about hearing the words.
The next day, surprising her with a thoughtful gift, like a new pencil holder, shows you’ve not only listened but cared enough to act. It’s the little things that prove you’re paying attention and truly invested in her happiness.
— Erika Jordan, Dating Coach / NLP practitioner
2. Respect her opinion even when you disagree
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The most common complaint I hear from married women is that they wish their husbands would listen to them. Research from the Department of Psychology at the University of California helps show why some wives feel their husbands silence them by dismissing their concerns, acting impatient, or trying to "fix" things instead of hearing them out and, ideally, supporting their right to voice opinions.
Over time, these wives emotionally shut down and stop talking about their concerns. By lending a sympathetic ear, a husband demonstrates that he respects her opinion, even when he doesn't necessarily agree with it.
— Dr Gloria Brame, Ph.D., Therapist
3. Remember her idiosyncratic gift preferences
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If you remember Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages, you will recall how receiving gifts is important to some people as a sign of love. This can be true even for wives who prefer other ways of showing love, as supported by a study from the Public Library of Science.
It's important to give a gift that shows you have been thoughtful, know her well, and include the specifics of what she likes and dislikes. To give a personal example, I love getting flowers but detest getting roses. They just don't last for me.
I'm sure it is some personal failing of mine that I kill them within three days, but I do. So it was disheartening to get the standard red roses on Valentine's Day. They could be picked up at any grocery store or pharmacy. It did not feel like I was cherished and known. Eventually, I retrained my late spouse to get me a bouquet of some of the other blooms I love.
— Aline P. Zoldbrod, Ph.D., Boston-based Psychologist, and Award-winning Author
4. Have regular check-ins
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I remember the summer when my husband and I decided to have a drink together every night after work. It was something we had stopped doing once our kids took over our lives.
The pattern was that he would come home from work, I would be in the middle of dinner and homework, and I would put him right to work. We would do everything we needed to do for the rest of the night, falling into bed, exhausted, barely having acknowledged each other. This only disconnected us.
So, make an effort to check in at least weekly with your partner and even more often if possible, as suggested by the American Psychological Association. Learn about what is going on in each other’s lives and how each other is feeling.
What can you do to support each other? Rebuild your connection so you feel close to each other in a way you haven’t done for a while.
5. Be her equal
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Your wife wants you to put her first. How is that so hard to see? I don't know. But I'm pretty sure I never knew that when I was in a relationship.
I thought, "Hey, we're equals, so I'll just treat her like my equal and that's a solid tip of my hat to our magnificent equality." But I suspect that might've been wrong. Most women don't need us to baby them, fawn all over them, or tamper with their sense of self.
Deep down I feel my wife wants me to bang up against that stuff anyway. She wants me to show I not only acknowledge her as an equal but also show her I am madly in love with her and would gladly show her right this second if it came down to it, as demonstrated in a study from an International Journal of Personal Relations.
When was the last time that was your regular pattern of treating your lady? When was the last time it was mine?
— Serge Bielanko, Writer, Musician, Husband
6. Seek to understand her
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Instead of seeking to understand each other, many times our partners dismiss and invalidate the other person’s thoughts and feelings as if by dismissing and invalidating, their partner's thoughts and feelings will change or go away.
But all this does is damage the relationship and create resentment. The partners still think and feel the same way they did before. And they have the growing feeling that they are unseen, unheard, and don’t matter to you.
Each partner doesn’t want to try to understand the other because they don’t want to put in the effort necessary to change their behaviors. Recurring cycles of these interactions will lead to contempt, which is what The Gottman Insitute considers to be the number one indicator a couple is headed toward divorce.
Both men and women contribute to relationship issues. Both men and women dismiss and invalidate each other’s feelings. Both men and women communicate in emotionally reactive or passive-aggressive ways that damage the relationship and destroy a sense of safety for the other partner.
— Julie Lynn, Author
A little forward thinking from husbands about daily interactions with their wives will lead to better marital relations. Guys don't need to be mind readers, they just need to consider the interconnectivity with their wives and keep practicing these easy ways to keep marriage running smoothly.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.