10 Phrases Most Husbands Regret Saying To Their Wives
When husbands aren't supportive or uplifting, it can have consequences.
F8 studio | Shutterstock While arguments are to be expected in any relationship, there are certain phrases husbands regret saying to their wives in the heat of the moment. While they might do their best to apologize, some words leave a lasting impact.
In order to avoid an awkward predicament like this, husbands should be aware of how they speak to their wives. And to keep a healthy marriage going, it's best they avoid uttering these phrases.
Here are 10 phrases most husbands regret saying to their wives
1. 'You're overreacting'
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When a husband tells his wife she's overreacting, he's showing how little he cares about her feelings.
A spouse won't erupt in anger for no reason; rather, it's more likely they react negatively based on the consistent actions a partner takes or doesn't take. For example, a husband not washing the dishes might not seem like a big deal, but constantly not cleaning up after himself is.
Research from the Journal of Family Psychology shows that coming home to do housework can lead to physical exhaustion and, over time, that leaves a couple with one very exhausted wife. Failure to recover after work leads to high cortisol levels at night as well.
If a husband says, "You're overreacting," to his wife, who is likely exhausted and fed up with catering to his needs, it's potentially something he may regret down the road.
2. 'Stop nagging me so much'
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A wife may nag when she has a high-need structure where she feels anxious when things aren't in order, or she may nag when she feels unsupported or cares so much she just wants to make things better. This creates a stressful situation when husbands don't respond to nagging properly, taking their frustrations out on their wives.
According to licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers Psy.D., nagging can be either a mood problem or a high-need structure problem. Nagging can unfortunately cause a decrease in relationship satisfaction, leading to issues in a relationship that are hard to overcome.
It's best for husbands to avoid telling their wives they hate their nagging, and offer the emotional support a good husband provides.
3. 'You should put more effort into your appearance'
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When a wife is exhausted, it's demeaning for her husband to tell her to "put more effort into her appearance." Not only that, but it diminishes all the other facets of what makes her a person.
Research suggests that women are more likely than men to report burnout from overworking, so a wife hearing that her efforts aren't good enough and that her husband finds her undesirable damage her self-esteem.
Husbands must make sure to never comment on the appearance of their wife, unless it's something she can fix quickly, like smudged lipstick or an outfit that doesn't accentuate her features. It's also essential that husbands lift up their wives emotionally, not tear them down.
If a husband is genuinely concerned about their wife, they can give her time to take care of herself, or offer to take over some of her responsibilities, like cooking dinner or cleaning the house.
4. 'I don't have time for this right now'
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Human beings are social creatures that need a connection to thrive. So, a wife feeling rejected hurts immensely, as husbands are denying them the basic need to feel heard. When a husband says something like, "I don't have time for this right now," they are dismissing their wife's needs.
Rejection like this lowers self-esteem, especially when people perceive themselves as invaluable to someone. This creates feelings of hurt that can have devastating consequences.
To avoid this, husbands should listen and pay attention to what they say to their spouse. Feeling misunderstood leads to more stress and less life satisfaction, after all.
5. 'Why are you still holding it against me?'
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A wife doesn't hold things against her husband just because; rather, she may do so because she's still not over it or they, as a couple, haven't worked through a specific conflict. A betrayal of trust is hard to overcome since it damages a spouse's self-esteem and, eventually, the marriage.
Betrayal leads to shock, loss, grief, anger, and low self-esteem. A wife might lash out or keep bringing up things as a way to express her feelings or cope with the betrayal or conflict.
Reversing this feeling isn't easy and will likely require therapy to get back to a good place.
According to licensed couples counselor Kari Rusnak, MA, LPC,CMHC, couples should address a betrayal as soon as possible to avoid build-up or further damage. Couples who actively ignore the betrayal because it's painful have an even harder time repairing trust in the relationship, leading to a decrease in relationship satisfaction.
6. 'You're being so dramatic'
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Husbands who say, "You're being so dramatic," may unintentionally encourage their wives to distance themselves. It's a phrase most husbands regret saying to their wives, as the consequences of these words hold immense power.
If a wife is willing to share her deepest feelings and is met with rejection instead of acceptance, it could cause her to self-isolate. According to research from the journal "Current Opinion in Psychology," self-isolation leads to a decrease in relationship satisfaction and an increase in intimate partner violence.
More than that, feeling misunderstood in a marriage can lead to high-stress levels, lower life satisfaction and motivation, and unhealthy cortisol levels that can affect anyone's overall health.
Rather than regretting saying something, husbands should avoid saying things that make them come off as uncaring or unsupportive. If their wife is opening up and willing to be vulnerable, husbands should take the time to listen without judgment.
7. 'You need to relax'
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When husbands tell their stressed wives to "relax," it makes things ten times worse. According to licensed clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior Ph.D., the issue with telling someone to "calm down" or "relax" is that it makes them seem like their reactions are the problem, putting them on defense mode.
Uttering this phrase can invalidate a wife's feelings and cause an already tense situation to escalate. Bonior recommends saying alternative phrases such as, "I understand that this is upsetting you," "What can I do to help us move through this?" or, "Let's pause for a moment to slow things down."
Husbands may use this phrase with good intentions, but they unknowingly demean their wife, sending the message that their problems aren't such a huge deal. Instead, husbands should hear their wives out and let them voice any concerns they have.
8. 'You're too sensitive'
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Someone opening up and choosing to confide in others is a difficult thing to do; people often view vulnerability as a sign of weakness. But when husbands dismiss their wives' emotions and chalk it up to them being "too sensitive," they're ignoring the courage and vulnerability it took to express those feelings in the first place.
According to a study from "Anxiety, Stress, & Coping", when someone perceives their emotions as unacceptable or wrong, they experience the world differently. Their daily emotions are less positive and their stress levels are higher when they experience unpleasant emotions.
Out of all the phrases husbands regret saying to their wives, this one can be exceptionally damaging. Husbands should be careful to not dismiss their wives' feelings so easily, and instead be open-minded to understanding their emotions.
9. 'You're acting crazy'
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Husbands who say, "You're acting crazy" clearly don't understand the dismissive and gaslighting nature of their comments. Dismissing someone's emotions and making them question their reality is the very definition of gaslighting.
According to the journal of the International Association for Relationship Research, gaslighting impacts people's sense of self, defensiveness, and trust. When a husband says this phrase to their wife, they unknowingly encourage her to close herself off completely, as she can't trust her partner for fear of being seen as fanatical or insignificant.
There are various reasons men call women, in general, "crazy," but this kind of language should never come from a significant other. Husbands shouldn't boil down their wives' concerns this way, especially since she has valid problems they want to work through together, which strengthens a marriage in the process.
Unfortunately, husbands will likely later regret telling their wives they think they are "crazy."
10. 'That's not my problem to fix'
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A husband saying, "That's not my problem to fix," is cold and uncaring. In a healthy partnership, partners want to work through problems together. But when husbands say a phrase like this, they are dismissing their wives' fears or stressors, cutting off the ability for both spouses to bond and connect.
This is just another example of phrases most husbands regret saying to their wives, as the damage they can cause with just a few words has a lasting impact. It not only shows that they are selfish husbands, but they don't see the importance of teamwork in a marriage.
Husbands should understand that marriage is about teamwork and, whether they like it or not, a wife's problems become their problems. They must remain open and remember that words matter.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.