9 Things Truly Charming People Avoid Revealing About Themselves
Keeping an air of mystery is what makes them so attractive.
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Charming people light up almost every room they walk into, and it often seems like they're not even trying. They give off a magnetic, positive energy that draws other people to them. Some aspects of being charming can be learned, like holding yourself with confidence and engaging in active listening. Yet, according to Dr. Ryne Sherman, a personality expert, most charming people are just born that way.
"Overwhelmingly the evidence suggests that pretty much every single behavior is genetic... Factors like how naturally charming we are, how good we are at winning people over and getting their attention, and even how much we want that attention," he explained. Part of charm is maintaining an air of mystery, which is why people who have it keep certain things secret.
Here are 9 secrets truly charming people almost never reveal about themselves
1. Judgments they make
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Passing judgment on people we meet is an inherent part of human nature. In fact, judging others is often a subconscious process.
Psychologists from Princeton University found that upon meeting a stranger, people form first impressions within one-tenth of a second. Our first impressions of others aren't always correct, and it takes some amount of grace and self-awareness to shift our initial opinion of someone.
Even though judging is part of being human, it's highly unlikely that a truly charming person will admit to passing judgment on others.
Oftentimes, charming people rely on outside admiration to boost their sense of self. If they acknowledge that they've judged someone's character in a negative way, they might lose people's respect, which is a cornerstone of how charming people thrive in social situations.
2. Negative thoughts
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Much like judging, having negative thoughts about ourselves and others is normal human behavior.
Thinking poorly of someone else isn't exactly a flattering trait, which is why a truly charming person almost never reveals that they do so. Truly charming people won't reveal that they have negative thoughts about themselves, either.
Much of being considered charming has to do with how you're perceived by others. We often put charming people on a pedestal because they give off positive vibes and have magnetic energy. Elevating them makes them seem less human and less approachable, which feeds into a charming person's idea that they can't share the darker side of who they are.
When a person's negative thoughts play on a constant loop to the point where they become disruptive, they're referred to as "unpleasant repetitive thoughts." These thoughts can grow larger, evolving into an obsessive pattern, which can trigger a fight or flight response. Holding negative thoughts in, without any form of release, can be detrimental to someone's mental health and general well-being.
Once we recognize that negative thoughts are part of life, it's easier to release them. By not being open about their negative thought processes, charming people might do themselves harm.
3. Past mistakes
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Acknowledging mistakes we've made is never an easy process. It requires us to look inward and analyze our less-than-perfect behavior, which is uncomfortable, to say the least. Truly charming people almost never reveal their mistakes to other people, as they want to maintain their appeal.
In a 2019 study, psychologists had participants answer questions, offering success feedback when the answers were correct and failure feedback when they were wrong. The study found that people learned less from their failures than from their successes.
"Failure is ego threatening, which causes people to tune out," the psychologists explained, which is why truly charming people avoid looking deeply at what they've done wrong.
4. Family gossip
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Truly charming people aren't ones to air out dirty laundry, especially when it has to do with their families. They keep family issues quiet, because being loose-lipped only creates more chaos.
Even if they have major sibling rivalry or a parent they've gone no-contact with, they won't spill any information about what goes on behind closed doors. They're probably perfectly willing to offer a listening ear when you vent about your mom, but they won't spill any gossip of their own.
Every family faces conflict, but a truly charming person will make you think their family has no problems.
5. Personal struggles
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Another thing truly charming people almost never reveal about themselves is their own private struggles. They keep their battles close to their chest, because they don't want to appear as though they're having a hard time.
Part of the veneer of being charming is making your success and popularity seem effortless. Truly charming people have trouble sharing their hardships with others, even though doing so can strengthen the sense of connection and intimacy between people.
Truly charming people work hard to achieve their popularity, and they don't want to reveal anything that might ruin their status.
6. Details of their relationship
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Charming people don't reveal their inner challenges, and they also don't share secrets about their partners.
They keep their private lives private, which means they almost never reveal any salient details about their romantic relationships. They don't talk about the fights they have with their partner, and they definitely don't reveal what goes on in the bedroom.
Some people let everything slip, but truly charming people know that there's a powerful allure to retaining an element of mystery.
7. What they talk about in therapy
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Genuinely charming people who put in the work and go to therapy probably won't share the topics they discuss there. They'll let you know that they're committed to self-improvement, but they almost never reveal the nitty-gritty things they're working on.
While some people believe in radical transparency and sharing everything about their inner world, charming people keep strict boundaries around what happens in their sessions. They're not ashamed of going to therapy, they'd just rather keep their healing to themselves.
8. Their insecurities
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A 2018 study titled "Insecurity and Psychological Well-being" defined insecurity as "a feeling of uncertainty, a lack of confidence or anxiety about oneself... Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and inadequate in some way." The study defined psychological well-being as "the subjective feeling of contentment, happiness, satisfaction with life experiences and of one's role in the world."
In their assessment of the connection between insecurity and psychological well-being, the researchers found that disturbances to participants' overall stability influenced their well-being. They determined that happiness, physical health, job security, and marital satisfaction were all essential in determining how secure someone feels.
A truly charming person almost never reveals when their life feels off-balance. Even though being insecure is an undeniably common experience, they won't share their insecurities with others, because they don't want to damage their reputation as someone who's cool, calm, and collected.
9. When they're lying
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Truly charming people often use their innate charisma to boost other people's self-worth. They'll tell you they love your haircut, even when your hair looks like you took a bath with a toaster oven. They'll say they love their mother-in-law's cooking, even when it's inedible.
These little white lies do more than keep the peace; they also make other people feel good about themselves. A charming person never reveals when they're lying, because they channel their charm to lift people up, not drag them down.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.