9 Signs You Were A Lone Wolf Growing Up And It's Affecting You Now
Being a lone wolf makes it difficult to break out of our own preconceived notions of who you are.
Bricolage | Shutterstock There are differences between being lonely and being alone. Some people are loners by choice, so they don't feel like something is missing from their lives just because they’re alone. In contrast, lonely people want to feel connected to others, yet they don't know how to do so.
Oftentimes, our understanding of our place in the world is rooted in our childhood. Extroverted children grow into sociable adults. Introverted children become grown-ups who spend more time on their own.
While these roles aren't written in stone, it can be difficult to break out of our own preconceived notions of who we are.
Here are 9 signs you were a lone wolf growing up and it's affecting you now
1. You take comfort in solitude
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For someone who was a lone wolf growing up, spending time alone in adulthood feels satisfying. You don't feel any pressing need to go to a raucous party or a crowded bar. You're completely happy to stay home and commit yourself to your cozy hobbies.
It's not that lone wolves dislike other people, it's more that you find solace in your own company. You know that cultivating relationships with other people is important, yet you're easily drained by too much social interaction, so you've learned to balance your time in a way that nourishes you most.
2. You center your own needs
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Another sign that you were a lone wolf growing up is that you put your own needs first. You set clear boundaries and rarely stray from them, because you firmly believe that a person can't pour from an empty cup.
Meeting your own needs before meeting the needs of others is admirable, yet sometimes you can veer into hyper-independence mode and seclude yourself from the rest of the world.
Part of being human is our need to rely on others, and even lone wolves need support from time to time. Remind yourself that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; rather, it's a show of inner strength.
3. You're not influenced by others
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As a lone wolf, you don't abide by passing fads or base your sense of style around what's trendy. You have a strong sense of who you are and what you like, and you don't stray far from the things that define you.
You're not easily swayed by other people's opinions and you live your life guided by a strong moral compass. You carefully consider all sides of an issue before making a decision. You hold strong to your beliefs and you keep your word.
4. You listen to your instincts
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Because you spend so much time alone, you've learned to pay attention to your intuition. You're a master of quiet contemplation and you're committed to practicing mindfulness.
Clairvoyant teacher Aimee Leigh described mindfulness as "Being fully present and aware of the present moment, without judgment or attachment to thoughts, emotions, or external circumstances."
She explained that mindfulness quiets your mind, so that you develop a strong understanding of your inner world. "Embracing solitude allows you to deepen your self-awareness, connect with your intuition, and gain valuable insights," Leigh noted.
As a lone wolf, your time alone is never wasted, because it allows you to reconnect to yourself.
5. You struggle with mental health
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Being a lone wolf in childhood can have major impacts on your mental health later in life.
A 2023 psychology study assessed the long-term effects of childhood loneliness, linking it to depression and anxiety in adulthood. The researchers described loneliness as "A distressing emotional state that arises from the discrepancy between one's perceived and desired levels of social connection."
Not all lone wolves experience acute loneliness, yet prolonged social isolation can certainly increase that feeling. The study concluded that childhood loneliness can have lifelong effects on social and emotional functioning and increase the risk of developing psychiatric disorders. Children with "persistently moderate and high levels of loneliness trajectories showed more symptoms of anxiety and depression" as adults.
No one has to struggle with their mental health on their own, even if you are a lone wolf. Seeking therapeutic support shows that you care deeply about yourself and that you're committed to your own well-being.
6. You feel isolated from your peers
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Kids who grew up as lone wolves can have trouble connecting with other people throughout their lives. If you were someone who played by themselves at recess, social interaction can feel overwhelming once you reach adulthood.
While you don't have to force yourself to talk to someone if you don't want to, engaging in low-pressure, low-risk conversations with co-workers or neighbors can ease your sense of isolation.
7. You're creative
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Psychologist Julie Bowker theorized that there are three distinct types of social withdrawal.
The first type is shyness, in which someone's solitude is based on fear and anxiety. The second is avoidance, where a person chooses solitude due to a dislike of social interaction. The third type of social withdrawal is unsociability, which is a non-fearful preference for solitude.
In a 2017 study, Bowker and her associates examined ways unsociability can have "positive adjustment outcomes," including creativity. "Anxiety-free time spent in solitude may allow for and foster creative thinking and work," they wrote. The study looked at past evidence that linked solitude during adolescence and young adulthood with indications of psychosocial well-being, like being more creative.
If you were a childhood lone wolf who chose that role, it's likely that you're also highly creative, or at least devoted to developing your own unique interests.
8. You notice things others don't
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Another way growing up as a lone wolf manifests in adulthood is in your intense level of perception.
As a kid, being a lone wolf often meant standing on the outside, looking in. Now that you're an adult, you're able to see aspects of the world that other people gloss over.
You're highly attuned to nuance, and you can be a keen social observer. You understand subtle patterns of behavior, simply by watching how people interact.
9. Your friend group is small but strong
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No lone wolf should be alone all the time, yet you know that when it comes to relationships, quality is more important than quantity.
As a lone wolf, you choose friends with careful intention. Lone wolves are loyal by default. You take friendships seriously. Once you find your pack, you stick together indefinitely.
You're fully aware that your fellow lone wolf friends need time to recharge, so you don't take it personally if you don't hear from them for a few days. You and your friends know that life is all about finding a balance, and that time spent together is that much sweeter because of being on your own.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.