Woman Insists We Should Normalize Saying 'No' To Being In Someone's Wedding Party — 'This Is Hard Work'
She claimed that there shouldn't be any hard feelings if someone chooses not to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor.
LightField Studios | Shutterstock Being involved in someone's wedding, especially when it's a close friend or loved one, can be such a fulfilling and emotional time. Receiving the request to be a bridesmaid, maid-of-honor, groomsman, or best man can be an exciting role, but it can also be taxing and require a lot of hard work beyond just showing up on the day of the wedding.
Especially as weddings become more expensive, brides and grooms tend to expect a bit more from people involved in their big day. From charging guests' entry fees to expecting extravagant presents, it's no longer a walk in the park.
That's why a woman named Steph Greenstreet said there should be nothing wrong with people who just want to be wedding guests instead of actually being involved in the wedding and all of its accompanying craziness.
She insists we should normalize saying 'no' to being in wedding parties.
In Greenstreet's TikTok video, she explained that she was her sister's maid-of-honor at her wedding, and was getting ready to head to the bridal shower that she had spent some time planning for her. Despite being happy for her sister and feeling excited about the wedding, Greenstreet admitted that during the whole process of being a maid-of-honor, she realized it might not be for everyone.
"There are some people, if they ask me to be a bridesmaid or maid-of-honor, I'd actually say 'no.' For this process, I never understood what it actually entailed, being a bridesmaid especially," Greenstreet said.
Depending on your role and the cultural and religious expectations of some couples, being a member of the bridal party can require a lot of time and money.
Greenstreet pointed out that the responsibility of being in a wedding can vary based on culture, but an African wedding, like her sister's, was considerably more work than an American wedding.
She clarified that being a maid of honor for her sister has been the biggest honor of her life, and she couldn't imagine doing anything else, but for other people, it is definitely hard work. Because of this, Greenstreet pushed the narrative that it should be okay to turn down the role if someone asks you, especially if you think that you can't handle the responsibilities that come with it.
It can be hard, for sure. You don't want to offend a bride and/or groom if they present you with the request, but it shouldn't have to come from a place of not wanting to be a part of their special day but rather not wanting to commit yourself to a role that you know you won't be good at.
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A couple should appreciate that, and there shouldn't be any hard feelings.
Luxury event and wedding planner Yifat Ore told Vogue, “[Being in someone’s wedding] is a lot of responsibility to take on, and it takes a lot of time throughout six or 12 months. In the end, not everyone can take that time and some of these expenses on.”
There were moments during the process of being a maid of honor that the woman realized she wasn't good at.
Greenstreet admitted that while she's a pretty good planner, there were aspects of planning her sister's wedding that didn't come easy. Thankfully, there were others her sister relied on to help, but Greenstreet pointed out that if it was just her, she and her sister might have seriously strained their close relationship.
"To the brides out there, if someone says no to being your maid of honor or your bridesmaid, I genuinely think [you need to] evaluate whether that was for the best," Greenstreet continued.
"I know it's a really hurtful thing when you've asked someone, and you've gone out of your way, but if you need what you're gonna need from them and they think they can't give it, you're saving yourself in the long run."
Brides should have in-depth conversations with the people they want in their wedding party to make sure they're all on the same page. Expectations should be laid out in advance so anyone the couple asks can really evaluate whether it's feasible for them to participate.
Gen Zers and millennials are starting to turn down bridal party offers.
Not only are weddings becoming increasingly expensive, with the average cost having gone up by 13% in 2024, hitting $33,000, according to wedding platform Zola, but they are emotionally taxing, as well. Even being a bridesmaid or maid of honor is expensive, leading some people to shell out thousands of dollars just to afford the entire experience.
In an interview with Business Insider, Allison Cullman, VP of brand marketing and strategy at Zola, explained that celebrity and influencer weddings have turned into full-blown social media events, and regular couples are beginning to compare themselves to an "unrealistic" standard that is "way outside" their budgets.
Several Gen Zers and millennials told the publication that being bridesmaids for their friends has really put a dent in their bank accounts.
A wedding doesn't have to be thousands of dollars, and social media shouldn't play a role in how couples choose to get married. At the end of the day, though, people will do what they want, and that's completely fine. They just need to be open to the idea that not everyone can afford to go with them on that journey.
There should be no hard feelings if a person can't fulfill the standard of being a maid of honor or bridesmaid and in this economy, many people just can't afford it or have the mental capacity for it, and that should be more than okay.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.