8 Things Truly Happy People Refuse To Waste Their Lives On
They live for themselves, and no one else.
VN_KK | Shutterstock Happiness takes many different forms. It can come in short bursts of excitement, like when we receive good news, or it can be a prolonged sense of fulfillment over the course of a lifetime.
Some say that happiness is less of a feeling and more of a state of mind. According to positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, happiness can be defined as "the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile."
While happiness might seem elusive at times, there are steps people can take to level up their sense of joy, especially when it comes to letting certain things go.
Here are 8 things truly happy people refuse to waste their lives on
1. Overcommitting to their jobs
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It's well established that overworking leads to acute burnout, yet many people still push themselves to their limit when it comes to their jobs. They respond to emails after hours and work on weekends. They neglect their need for down-time, even when they're off the clock.
In fact, 47% of workers in the U.S. feel guilty for planning vacations, 54% reported working even when they did take vacation, and 59% said they have trouble tuning out of their work mindset while taking time off.
People who are truly happy know that work-life balance is about separating their professional lives from their personal lives. They set clear boundaries around their jobs so they complete the tasks at hand without giving away too much of themselves.
The key to real happiness is taking care of yourself and cultivating a life beyond your job. This might mean setting time aside each day just for yourself, where you get to explore new activities or do something that nourishes you, like reading, or listening to music, or sharing a meal with the people you love.
2. People-pleasing
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Truly happy people don't rely on external validation to feel complete, which means they refuse to overextend themselves for someone else's benefit.
People-pleasing is a hard habit to break. The first step is acknowledging that you have inherent worth, regardless of how you perform for others. According to Terry Gaspard, a clinical therapist, people-pleasers "develop a habit of putting other people's needs before their own."
She described people-pleasers as those who "go out of their way to make sure someone else is happy, to the detriment of their happiness." Gaspard shared actionable steps people can take to honor themselves first, like pursuing things that are important to them and learning to set limits around what they do for others.
People who have found true happiness understand that saying "no" is a reasonable, healthy way to maintain relationships.
3. Ignoring what they need
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Pushing yourself to reach your goals is an admirable trait, but doing so at the expense of your well-being is a recipe for rapid burnout.
Truly happy people work hard to achieve their dreams, but they also know that they need to pay attention to what they need. When they're tired, they rest. When they're upset, they do something that lifts their spirits, like reaching out to a friend for support or reminding themselves what they're grateful for.
They pay attention to the messages their bodies send, and they respect themselves enough to listen and respond to their practical and emotional needs.
4. Toxic friends
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Having close friendships is a crucial part of being happy, but not all friendships are built to stand the test of time. A toxic friend might make you feel good in the moment, but over time, their attitude and actions will likely erode whatever sense of comfort and trust you had in them.
Life coach Kelly Rudolph revealed specific questions you can ask to determine if you're stuck in a toxic friendship, including, "How do I feel about myself when I'm around her?"
"Do you feel like your best self with her, or do you constantly think about what you're going to say, how you'll look, or worry about whether she's going to judge you?" Rudolph asked.
Truly happy people cultivate relationships that nurture their sense of self, and they don't hesitate to cut someone off if that person is dragging them down. They recognize their own worth and won't entertain fake friendships.
5. Avoiding their emotions
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Truly happy people aren't always happy, but they understand that a key part of feeling good is letting themselves feel bad, too.
As psychologist Nick Wignall explained, emotionally secure people face their feelings head-on, even the ones that hurt. "Ignoring your feelings often leads to relief in the moment," he noted. "But in the long run, it's a setup for emotional insecurity and poor resilience."
We have to let ourselves feel pain and sadness in order to feel happy. Refusing to acknowledge our feelings will only leave us numb. Allowing ourselves to experience the full range of our emotions is necessary for long-term happiness.
6. Body shaming
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Accepting ourselves for who we are isn't easy, especially when we're bombarded by society's rigid beauty standards and our own harsh self-criticism.
Truly happy people might not love themselves all the time, but they fully understand that their self-worth isn't tied to what they look like. They know that beauty is so much more than skin-deep. Even on days when their self-esteem is sinking, happy people refrain from negative self-talk and focus on positive affirmations.
We can't shame our way into self-love. The more we appreciate the bodies we have, the more forgiving of ourselves we can be. Embracing our authentic selves is a pathway toward freedom, which is the root of happiness.
7. Too much screen time
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The negative effects of too much screen time for children have been meticulously reported, yet adults are also at risk for the damages of being overly-connected.
It's become almost too easy to live vicariously through our phones, which can have majorly detrimental consequences for our well-being. According to a 2017 medical study, people who spend six or more hours a day on their devices have a higher risk for depression.
Experts recommend that adults limit their screen time when they're not working to under two hours a day. Truly happy people take that advice and run with it. Instead of swiping through other people's social media and feeling bad about themselves, they fill their downtime with things that nurture them, like inspiring conversations, household projects, and breathing fresh air.
Putting down our phones lets us live our fullest lives, solely for ourselves and not according to anyone else's standards.
8. Perfectionism
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Truly happy people have let go of the idea that everything has to be perfect, including themselves. It's not that they have lower standards, it's that they know reaching for perfection is an impossible task, one that brings only misery and dissatisfaction.
They're fully aware of their own flaws. When they make mistakes, they apologize to the people they've hurt and focus on repairing the relationships. There's no one-size-fits-all way of living, and truly happy people aim to do the best they can with the tools they have.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.