Man Gets ‘Final Warning’ At Work After Showing Up Late & Blames His Girlfriend For Not Waking Him Up — ‘It’s Her Responsibility’
"Should he, as an adult, be able to do this himself?"
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock.com In an honest post to Reddit, a woman admits she’s confused about how to navigate her relationship with her boyfriend after he blamed her for “being late to work.”
Her 25-year-old boyfriend, who got a “final warning” at work after sleeping through several alarms, accused her of falling short of her “responsibility” to get him up for work.
Adding that her boyfriend suffers from some ADHD symptoms, including difficulty waking up while sleeping, she felt a little guilty that he’s struggling with waking up to his alarm, but at the end of the day, is it her fault?
After sleeping through his alarm and getting a ‘final warning’ at work, a man blamed his girlfriend for not waking him up.
“During our entire relationship he has struggled with waking up in the morning,” this girlfriend wrote about her partner. “He sleeps through all of his alarms, which usually means he is late for work. Sometimes it's only 10-15 minutes, but it can also stretch to 1 hour.”
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She said her boyfriend’s tardiness has hit his boss's breaking point, calling him immature for not being able to show up on time, even after “several chances.”
After giving him a final warning at work, arguing that another “tardy morning” would result in termination, her boyfriend came home to accuse her of putting his job at risk. “He believes it’s my responsibility,” she wrote, “as his girlfriend, to wake him up. Obviously, I don’t.”
Despite her efforts to help him brainstorm a new morning routine, her boyfriend said it was her responsibility to make sure he got to work on time.
“Despite me waking up from his alarms and being able to shove him out of bed (if need be), I don't think it's my responsibility,” she wrote, reflecting on her own restless mornings worrying about her boyfriend’s schedule. “He is an adult, has known about his ADHD since he was a child, and should [take responsibility] in finding a method that works.”
She argued that she feels like “a caregiver or a mother” rather than a girlfriend or a partner.
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Of course, she loves her boyfriend. She’s willing to do whatever she can to help support him, even if it means waking him up after his alarm goes off. However, assuming she needs to bear the full responsibility of waking him up — when he almost always “falls back asleep” or angrily yells at her — is both irresponsible and malicious.
“When he decides to just go back to sleep, it makes it seem like he doesn’t want to try,” she said. “I don’t want to help if he is just going to get mad…This affects my day too. I can’t go to sleep before him, because when he plays it keeps me awake.”
Commenters urged the girlfriend to take a step back and truly consider the health of her relationship.
Commenters under this woman’s post compared her stress and anxiety to that of a mother and son. “Don't feel guilt for things that are his responsibility,” one wrote. “He is a grown man … If he were single he wouldn't even have the option of someone waking him, but regardless it's not your fault! Time for him to put on his big boy pants.”
A pillar of an insecure attachment, many immature people in relationships place blame on their partners as the perfect way to escape their own accountability, especially if they know their partner is happy to pick up the slack. “This man is selfish,” another wrote. “He’s happy to force his girlfriend into being his personal alarm clock … but clearly doesn’t care about her sleep playing video games all night.”
While it’s perfectly fine to have a conversation about expectations in a morning routine when you’re living together or in a secure partnership, it seems like this girlfriend is facing some unrealistic standards.
Not only are healthy relationships centered around communication and trust, but they’re founded on the idea that both parties will take accountability for their actions and provide grace when needed.
Instead of taking responsibility for sleeping through his alarm, putting his job at risk, or even researching ways to assist in his clearly flawed morning routine — he shamed his girlfriend.
“I don't want this responsibility because I love him. I want him to be independent, and I know we're in a relationship and we´re supposed to depend on each other,” the girlfriend wrote, “but I don't want him to depend on me to get him to work on time … I need to know he can take care of himself.”
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.