10 Decisions That Leave Too Many People With Deep Regrets Later In Life
As we grow older, we tend to reflect on the things we didn't do but wish we had.
Gigi Delgado | Shutterstock According to a social psychology study from 2005, the biggest regrets people have are related to the parts of life where they see the most opportunity. People regret moments where they didn't reach for change or try to grow as individuals.
Having regrets is an unavoidable part of life, but certain kinds of regrets can be avoided if people are paying attention to what they really want.
Here are 10 decisions that leave too many people with deep regrets later in life
1. Falling out of touch with friends
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It isn't always easy to stay connected to the people we love, especially if we live far away from our family and friends. Social media often provides the illusion of closeness to people we care about. If you can like a photo of what someone ate for dinner, it means you still have a sense of who they are.
Yet actually collapsing the distance between you and someone you love requires an act of bravery: Being the one to reach out first.
As psychologist Guy Winch explained, we tend to get trapped in our own heads when it comes to staying in touch with people. "When you're lonely, you feel so alone, so raw, so rejected, so unseen, that the idea of reaching out and risking more rejection or a rebuff seems more than you can stand, so you don't," he said.
He emphasized the importance of displaying vulnerability in any relationship, noting, "You need to be emotionally open, disclose, talk about your feelings... your hopes... your dreams, talk about what's difficult."
While closing the gap with a friend you've fallen out of touch with might initially seem scary, not making the effort can lead to a deep sense of regret and loss.
2. Overworking themselves
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We spend most of our adult lives working, complete with a strong sense of urgency to be as productive as possible. A 2021 study from the ADP Research Institute found that employees across the globe work an average of nine unpaid hours of overtime every week, making the time they spend on the job closer to 50 hours a week.
Historically speaking, having a strong work ethic is celebrated, especially in U.S. corporate culture. Yet working too much often means neglecting important aspects of your personal life, which can leave you feeling deeply unfulfilled.
While some people may argue that work takes precedence over everything else, most people regret things like missing their kid's birthday because they decided to go into the office. Our jobs can give our lives meaning, but work certainly is not the sole source of happiness.
In the end, it's more than okay if you consider your work as a means to an end, as opposed to the focal point of your existence.
3. Hiding their true feelings
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During a nationwide study from 2021, over 200 Americans were asked about life events they significantly regret. The findings revealed that 19.3% of participants reported having romantic regrets.
Opening up emotionally and telling someone you have feelings for them is a hugely vulnerable act. Oftentimes, a person's fear of rejection stops them from expressing how they really feel.
Yet that lack of direct action can create major regret.
In a conversation with NPR, journalist Daniel Pink revealed that people's inaction regrets outnumber their action regrets by a 2-to-1 ratio. Pink noted that of all the types of regret, connection regrets are the largest category. He explained that every regret is connected to a value we hold. With connection regrets, the human need that regret reveals is our need for love.
It might be scary to share your feelings with someone, but taking the plunge will open your heart, even if those feelings aren't reciprocated.
4. Ignoring their dreams
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According to a study from the Association for Psychological Science, experiencing regret is a "ubiquitous" part of being an adult. The study defined regret as "An emotion that is underpinned by representations of what might have been."
People often regret not working toward the goals they pictured themselves reaching. Sometimes, our goals aren't entirely realistic, but by not trying to reach them, we miss out on knowing what our future could be.
Someone who dreams of traveling the world or being a professional musician is more likely to regret their decision if they ignore their dreams, rather than putting in the effort to make their dreams a reality.
5. Not living an authentic life
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Being true to ourselves is one of life's most poignant lessons. We might try to fit ourselves into someone else's definition of who we're supposed to be, but in doing so, we regret not being our fullest selves.
Showing up authentically requires people to listen to their innermost emotions and live according to their values. The American Psychological Association reported that "People's most enduring regrets stem more often from discrepancies between their actual and ideal selves than their actual and ought selves... People [are] more likely to regret not being all they could have been more than all they should have been."
Being true to your own concept of who you are leads to less intense regrets later on in life.
6. Holding grudges
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A person who lives in the past and isn't able or willing to let go of times when they were wronged is a person who's likely holding onto serious regrets.
Apologizing for a mistake isn't easy. While no one is required to accept anyone's apology, releasing a tightly-held grudge can create a sense of freedom and acceptance. While we can't change the past, we can change our emotional reactions, which influence how our futures unfold.
7. Not taking chances
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During a discussion on the American Psychological Association's podcast, "Speaking of Psychology," Dr. Robert Leahy shared his insights on how people can learn from regret.
He explained, "In the long-term, as people look back on their lives, they tend to regret what they did not do." According to Dr. Leahy, not taking chances, whether those chances were professional, personal or academic, creates a "lingering unpleasant feeling," noting that "people can ruminate about that for months, years, decades."
He shared that regret can be productive, in that it captures the ability to learn from past mistakes. In contrast, "Unproductive regret or maladaptive regret is characterized not by self-correction, but by self-criticism."
Therefore, beating yourself up for not making a particular decision when you were younger is only going to cause your sense of regret to harden, which will inevitably lower your sense of self-worth.
8. Being unkind
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Just by virtue of having relationships with others, we're bound to hurt people's feelings. Whether that pain was intentional or not, holding ourselves accountable is the way to initiate repair.
When we avoid taking responsibility for hurting others, it's more likely that we'll regret our unkindness as time goes on. Owning up to our own behavior means we have to swallow our pride, but in doing so, we're able to let go of regret.
9. Not taking care of their health
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When we're young, it's easy to ignore the messages our bodies send us. Yet as we grow older, listening to those messages and paying attention to our health and well-being becomes essential.
Ignoring our physical and mental health needs can create a snowball effect, making small issues grow into more dire problems. The more we take care of ourselves when we're younger, the fewer regrets we'll have as we age.
10. Living for other people
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Another major regret people have is the guilt that comes with living your life according to what other people want you to do. By not prioritizing your own needs and putting yourself last, you end up building a life you regret, rather than one where you celebrate who you are.
While there's huge value in harnessing care and compassion for others, doing so at the risk of losing yourself is a negative trait, one that leaves people with deep regrets later in life.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.