6 'Glimmer Moments' That Make A Marriage Good, According To Experts
A glimmer is the opposite of a trigger.
UfaBizPhoto | Shutterstock Marriage falls into routines, some good and some harmful. One of the most harmful routines can be the drudgery of apathy and the mundane day-to-day married life. Yet, when we take a brief moment to pause and focus, we find many moments in a day when our spouses fill us with insurmountable joy that can pass as quickly as it arrived. This is what we call a glimmer moment, a treasure of marriage we can find every day to be cherished.
Here are 6 glimmer moments that make a marriage good, according to experts:
1. When they whisper in your ear
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Glimmers are little whispers from the realm of possibility; unexpected comforting that say, “It’ll all be okay.” They also remind me that life isn’t about overcoming uncertainty but coexisting with it.
Ultimately, glimmers have taught me that directing our attention to what feels beautiful and soul-nourishing is a key pillar of healing. Glimmers have always been there, I just had to look around and notice.
— Brina Patel, writer, copywriter, and speaker
2. Getting an unexpected sweet text
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A glimmer moment in my day is when I receive a thoughtful text in the middle of the day letting me know he admires and respects me. This is offered without expectation of anything in return.
— Jennifer S. Hargrave, Managing Partner, Hargrave Family Law
3. Realizing you're completely in-sync
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In a word, anything that is truly co-creative makes a glimmer moment. When true co-creation happens in a relationship not only is it a glimmer moment it is a moment that is never forgotten. To be clear, there are 4 critical ingredients for true co-creation.
- This requires 2 or more people all participating together at the same time.
- There must be pure inquiry. this kind of inquiry is about pure curiosity. Together you get curious and ask questions about what you wish for and how it can come to be without knowing exactly what it is you desire. You are explorers on an expedition for treasure but have no idea if the treasure will be as small as a trinket or as magnificent as a month-long trip to an exotic island.
- There must be serendipity (where something of value emerges unexpectedly), as described in a 2017 study.
- Joy and bliss spontaneously manifests (celebration comes naturally)
Not only are co-creative moments glimmer moments, but without them, no relationships will last over time.
— Larry Michel, AKA: The Love Shepherd and the Founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics
4. Feeling truly at peace with each other
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A good glimmer moment is when you feel truly connected with your partner, you feel at peace with them and the world you've built together, as shown in a qualitative study of marital happiness.
It can happen:
- When you're quietly watching a sunset together.
- When you hold hands walking down the street.
- When you exchange compliments.
- Or, when you look into each other's eyes.
Glimmer moments can happen any time you feel a sense of well-being and joy being with them.
— Dr Gloria Brame, Ph.D., therapist
5. Hearing 'your' song
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When your special song comes on, no matter where you are or what you are doing, you both stop, acknowledge it, hug, kiss, and dance like nobody's watching. And if you aren't physically together, enjoy the glimmer moment, then call or text your spouse to share. It's all about feeling connected!
— Ann Papayoti, PCC, Relationship Coach
6. Knowing they have your back
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A ‘glimmer moment’ in a marriage is when your partner shows up for you in ways that truly matter. It’s those small, yet powerful gestures—like offering a comforting touch when you’re feeling down or standing by your side during tough times.
These moments remind you you’re never alone, your partner is always there, and the trust and respect between you are the foundation of your relationship. These little sparks keep the connection strong and show you both that, no matter what happens, you’re in this together.
— Clare Waismann, Founder and Executive Director of Waismann Method
As author and international lecturer, Deb Dana writes, "Glimmers are micro-moments of regulation that foster feelings of well-being." Glimmers can be found in marriage daily if we learn to notice them for the treasures they are. We can use the glimmers as fuel to skip from peak to peak and maintain a happy married life every day.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.