I Lost My Career To My Child's Mental Health Struggles — 'I Had No Choice But To Resign'
A mother’s choice between professional success and family well-being.
dimaberlinphotos | Canva Imagine this: Your phone flashes with an urgent call from your child’s school, but it’s set to silent to avoid disturbing your colleagues. You’re in the middle of a crucial presentation to shareholders, and answering now would seem unprofessional.
Every day, you juggle the pressures of home, mental health, and career, knowing that in your office, complaints about a sick child or a pediatrician appointment are not tolerated.
Your phone continues to flash with messages you can’t answer. Daily calls about your daughter’s school refusal and her ongoing mental health issues are overwhelming. Balancing a demanding career while dealing with this crisis feels nearly impossible.
Each day, you powered through with a focus that showed your superiors that your priorities were in the correct order: the business was in first place, and everything else fell behind. With no option to take time off and every penny needed for your daughter’s care, you face a stark reality.
This scenario is not just hypothetical This was the experience of a friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous. My friend is not the only working parent I know who has to perform the daily juggle of constantly being pulled in two different directions between work and family.
Her story of losing her career to care for her child also shows the urgent need for systemic support for working mothers dealing with their children in a mental health crisis.
The statistics from the World Health Organization are alarming: Did you know that globally, one in seven 10- to 19-year-olds experiences a mental disorder, accounting for 13% of the global burden of disease in this age group? And that suicide rates among teens are the second leading cause of death for individuals aged 10–24.
When my friend had exhausted all her annual leave without qualifying for long-service leave, she explored her options for personal and compassionate leave. She found that although her personal leave entitlement allowed for ten days of paid career leave per year, this was insufficient for managing the care of someone with mental health challenges, especially given the need for frequent appointments and the difficulty in balancing these responsibilities with her work.
Australian working parents, especially mothers, struggle to balance their careers with family duties. Professor Marian Baird notes that while the rate of women in full-time employment has remained static for the last 40 years, many mothers have opted for part-time work to manage caregiving responsibilities.
"Parents, especially mothers, often face increased stress when managing a child’s mental health concerns. This stress includes both direct costs, like paying for healthcare, and indirect costs, such as time spent on care and reduced work hours. Over 60% of parents report that caregiving for their children’s mental health needs negatively impacts their work schedules," according to Psychology Today.
This situation underscores persistent gender biases in the division of labor and care, adversely impacting women’s career advancement and economic autonomy.
Tima Miroshnichenko | Pexels
Feeling the emotional pull in the professional environment
During one crucial meeting, my friend explained to me how, when she was delivering a vital presentation to the company’s key shareholders, her phone began to flash insistently with calls and a barrage of text messages.
Given the importance of the meeting, which included attendees who had traveled internationally to be there, pausing to answer the phone would seem not only unprofessional but also disrespectful. To maintain her focus and avoid giving the impression of inattention, she turned her phone screen down, attempting to put it out of her mind.
Despite her efforts, the persistent notifications weighed on her, especially with the possibility of an emergency. Recognizing that even a call from her child’s school could not justify interrupting the meeting at such a critical moment, she continued, aware that the meeting was running over time. Taking even a brief moment to step out appeared inappropriate, compelling her to feel anxious and deal with any personal matters later.
An hour later, the meeting finally came to an end. After everyone left the boardroom, her boss asked her for a quiet word.
He told her he’d noticed she seemed distracted; he asked if she was okay.
She wanted to tell him, “Thanks for asking; I’m currently attempting to source mental health care for one of my children. She is not in a good headspace, and I need to advocate for her at school as well as find her additional support. My daughter’s depression and anxiety are severely affecting my husband and other three children, making it challenging for me to spend the limited time I have at home with them. I cannot focus on work when my home life is falling apart.”
However, her response was, “Thanks. I’m fine; I’m just reflecting on the issues brought up in the meeting and working out the action plan.”
She wasn’t sure whether her boss believed her; however, she wasn’t about to commit career suicide in the hallway of their offices.
Sitting back at her desk, she finally looked at her phone.
Six school calls were missed. Nine text messages from her daughter. She received four calls from a private number and one text from her husband.
Her husband’s message read, “Come to the hospital; Becky needs you.”
On that day, she had no choice but to submit her resignation.
Support from employers is essential for working parents
I felt compelled to share my friend’s story because her experience mirrors that of many working mothers—balancing career ambitions with family needs, often with insufficient support from employers.
The 2024 National Working Families Survey revealed that 50% of employees feel that their commitment to their job is questioned if they utilize family-friendly work arrangements. Approximately two-thirds of parents report feeling too emotionally or physically drained after work to engage with their families. This fatigue contributes to strained relationships at home and reduced productivity at work.
My friend’s story serves as a reminder of the harsh realities working mothers face in the workforce and the need for flexibility, empathy, and understanding in the workplace.
In a post-pandemic world, the challenges of balancing work and family life and the lack of support for those dealing with mental health issues within their families have never been more prevalent.
It’s a disheartening fact that many individuals must grapple with the dilemma of prioritizing work over family. This struggle is all too real. Many women have had to fight hard to reach their positions in the workplace. Although society has come a long way in adapting, the stigma is still attached to the woman who works full-time and has a family in many corporate workplaces.
The mental health crisis among teenagers and young adults in Australia is quite concerning, with significant implications for families and caregivers. Recent data in Australia revealed that 39% of young Australians aged 16–24 reported experiencing a mental disorder in the last 12 months, a significant increase from previous years.
This rise in mental health concerns among young people places additional burdens on families, requiring more support and involvement from parents, particularly the sacrifices many women must make to ensure the well-being of their loved ones.
Although my friend worked as an employee in a corporate environment, the fact is that mental health challenges do not discriminate. The effects on families in all countries, of all races and socio-economic sectors, are all at risk of being in the same situation.
That day at school, while my friend was in the meeting, her daughter attempted suicide.
I’d like to tell you that everything worked out in the end — that her boss offered her time off to care for her child and would welcome her back when things at home were back on track.
However, that wasn’t the case. Her boss accepted her resignation and later promoted a guy who had half my friend’s experience and had been in the company for a quarter of the time. This guy was single, had no children, and could maintain a corporate lifestyle of working sixteen-hour days and partaking in after-work beers with the rest of the executives.
Mental health challenges affect everyone
My friend’s daughter is still receiving care for her mental health. Becky hasn’t been to school in months, and my friend spends most days driving Becky to and from her appointments or managing her care at home.
The increasing mental health challenges among youth not only affect the individuals but also their families, who often must adapt their lives significantly to support their children. A national study of mental health and well-being in Australia showed that persistent challenges in mental well-being among youth, necessitate comprehensive support systems both in and out of school environments, which include managing medical appointments, adjusting work schedules, and sometimes even changing living arrangements to better support the child’s needs.
My friend’s family’s lifestyle changed quite dramatically after she left her job. She sold her house, and they had to downsize to a much smaller home where two of her four children share a bedroom, and the whole family shares one bathroom.
They also had to remove the other three children from their private schools and enroll them in the district’s public schools.
My friend studied for years to enter the industry she once worked in. She almost worked herself to the point of exhaustion, climbing her way up the corporate ladder and maintaining her professionalism once at the top.
When I asked her if she missed her career, she responded that while she is unhappy with her family’s situation, she doesn’t miss the daily pressure her bosses put on her due to the unfair expectations and sometimes impossible standards set for working mothers.
She doesn’t regret leaving her job to care for her child. However, she still struggles with losing financial stability and the feeling of independence that came with her career.
chayanuphol | Shutterstock
More support is needed for working parents, especially in times of crisis
No parent should choose between their career and their child’s well-being.
There are currently several initiatives and policies in place aimed at supporting families in the workplace, especially those dealing with mental health issues.
The Australian Government and the National Mental Health Commission developed a framework that aims to foster workplace environments that are free of stigma and discrimination, support positive mental health, and accommodate the needs of all workers, including those with mental health conditions or caring responsibilities.
While some other programs and tools make up part of a broader effort to address mental health proactively in the workplace and also ensure that families dealing with mental health issues can find a supportive and understanding work environment, there is still so much more that can be done.
Companies that adopt innovative approaches to supporting employees grappling with family mental health challenges can reap huge benefits.
To provide the support and much-needed balance, companies could consider the following:
- Flexible work scheduling and remote work options.
- Implement a ‘life leave’ policy that allows for extended, safeguarded time off.
- Providing comprehensive wellness programs, including fully funded counseling and stress management workshops, could offer crucial support to employees who are struggling with work-life balance.
- Introduce mental health days and flexible benefits packages tailored to enhance psychological well-being.
Such initiatives not only alleviate stress for employees but also foster a supportive, productive workplace environment.
When a company’s employees are well cared for, the effect on their workplace productivity and loyalty to the company benefits not only the company but also the economy.
I’m very fortunate to be able to work for myself. However, with one of my children enduring mental health challenges, I know firsthand how much love, care, and attention are required to manage everything.
My friend’s experience resonates deeply with me because I can’t imagine the added stress of answering a boss or a company on top of the already overwhelming mental load that parents face. Yet, this kind of stress is a regular part of many full-time workers’ everyday realities.
By sharing this story, we can all become more aware of working mothers’ struggles and work towards creating a more supportive and compassionate work environment for all.
Deanna Bugalski is an Australian reality storyteller and fabulously chaotic mom of three who writes about human interests topics, travel, entertainment, mental health, and the struggle juggle of daily life with a good dose of humor/