Dad Wonders If He's Wrong For Refusing To Be A 'Father Figure' To His Ex-Wife's Kids That She Had With Multiple Different Men — 'She Said I Should Do Better As A Father'
He pointed out that he shouldn't have to be responsible for kids that aren't biologically his.
kate_sept2004 from Getty Images Signature | Canva Pro A dad admitted that he has no desire to care for and be there for his ex-wife's children despite her insistence that he needs to be.
Posting to the subreddit r/AITA, the 32-year-old dad of two claimed that his ex-wife's children shouldn't have to be his responsibility and that his sole focus is the children that he did have with her.
Dad refuses to be a 'father figure' to his ex-wife's children, whom she had with multiple different men.
"I have two sons, Jamie, 11, and Jayden, 10. Their mother and I were high school sweethearts who had the boys before we finished college. We had planned to get married, but then I found out my ex was cheating on me, and I broke up with her," he began in his Reddit post.
He explained that he and his ex-wife were given joint custody, and he was required to pay child support for the first 18 months following their divorce.
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The child support ended after his ex began earning similar to what he was earning, and the costs for their kids were split evenly down the middle instead. Two years after their relationship ended, his ex had another son with a man who wasn't in the picture.
His ex-wife informed him that the father of her son was the same man that she'd cheated on him with, and she questioned if he would adopt the boy and raise him alongside their sons since his dad wasn't around. He refused, and the two ended up getting into a heated argument.
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Shortly after, she met another man, and within a year, the two of them welcomed a daughter.
"I continued being a dad to my sons only. I didn't interact with her other two children, but I would see them from a distance during exchanges," he continued.
His ex-wife again tried to get him to adopt her two children, claiming that they "needed" a father, to which he responded that he wasn't going to and that his only priority was the kids that he fathered.
The dad should not be responsible for any children his ex-wife had with other men outside of their marriage.
Just because this dad is the only father doing right by his kids does not mean he should be obligated to care for kids that aren't biologically his.
He definitely shouldn't be criticized for wanting to devote his time and energy to his boys instead of stepping up and being a father figure to kids that aren't his.
While it's beneficial for children to be raised in a two-parent household, that doesn't always end up being the case. Just because you don't have a traditional family doesn't mean you can't raise your kids surrounded by love.
Sure, it would be ideal for her children to have a father in their lives, but they can still be raised with the correct morals and values from her, too.
The dad's ex-wife got remarried, but the marriage didn't work out.
"She has a child with her husband now, too, so five in total in her household when our boys are included. But it has not lasted," he continued. "My ex has admitted her husband isn't involved in the lives of her other children, and they are still missing out on having a father."
She asked her ex-husband to include her three children during outings that he has with his sons. While his sons should be able to get to know their other siblings, it's up to her to facilitate playdates and activities that all of them can do with each other instead of leaving it up to him.
He shouldn't have to sacrifice one-on-one time with his sons because his ex-wife is paranoid about not having a man in their lives for them to look up to.
It's reasonable that she would want her children to experience the same things that her sons do with their dad, but unfortunately, that shouldn't come at his expense. Especially since the two of them are not married or together, they co-parent, and he doesn't have to change his role to accommodate his ex-wife's wishes if he doesn't want to.
It can be hard to be a single parent, there's no doubt about it, but instead of reaching out to her ex-husband and putting all of these unnecessary expectations on him, she should be able to lean on family and close friends for support.
He isn't obligated to take care of children who aren't his, and while that's a harsh reality, as long as he shows up for his kids and gives them a good life, he's doing his job.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.