Psychotherapist Shares 5 'Core Memories' Your Child Will Carry With Them Into Adulthood
“As parents, our words and actions can leave emotional imprints on our children."
Caleb Oquendo | Pexels Some parents may believe that in order to create lasting memories for their children, they have to take them on extravagant vacations and spend their weekends hiking in the mountains. However, some of the most impactful memories your children can carry into adulthood involve nothing more than a hug from you, preparing their favorite snack after school, or wishing them luck on a big test they’ve been stressing over.
The small things you do to make your children feel comfortable and secure make all the difference in their lives.
Carol Kim, a family psychotherapist and a mother of three, took to Instagram to share a handful of core memories parents can create for their children that they will carry with them all their lives.
A psychotherapist shared 5 ‘core memories’ your children will carry with them into adulthood:
As we saw in the Disney movie, “Inside Out,” core memories are significant and emotionally charged moments and experiences that play a pivotal role in shaping one’s beliefs, personality, and overall sense of self.
And as the beloved film shows us, these moments do not have to be monumental to make an impact.
1. Quality time together
It doesn’t matter if you take them out to an amusement park on your day off, grab an ice cream together after school, or watch a movie on the couch — your children are going to remember how much time you spent with them well into their adulthood.
“Taking some time to focus only on your child is very special,” Kim wrote. “Playing games, reading books, or just talking can create strong, happy memories. These moments show your child that you are present with them.”
A 2023 study published in the journal Frontiers In Psychology found that children who have more quality time with their parents have a high sense of self-esteem and self-worth since their parents ensure that time spent with them is valuable — therefore they feel more valuable.
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While parents can't spend every waking moment with every one of their children, setting aside just half an hour after work to play outside, allow them to help cook dinner, or just talk will be the moments they will remember for a lifetime.
2. Words of encouragement
Your child is just at the end of their soccer game, and you can see that they are getting tired on the field. Another time, they are studying for a test but need to improve their abilities to perform well on it. Encouraging your child to keep it up and assuring them that they are doing a great job can motivate them more than you’ll ever know.
“Kids often seek approval from their parents, and your positive words can be a strong motivator and source of comfort,” Kim shares.
There’s nothing quite like a “You can do it!” from Mom or Dad, and when parents tell their children just how much they believe in them, they will carry that feeling with them forever.
“Knowing you support them no matter what makes them feel strong and able to grow, helping them understand they can get better with effort,” Kim wrote.
3. Family traditions
Whether it be Saturday morning breakfast or going to the Everglades every year for a vacation, there are many ways parents can create cherished traditions.
“These rituals, like holiday celebrations, weekend routines, or annual trips, give structure and something to look forward to, strengthening family bonds,” Kim said.
Some of the best memories come from family traditions. Remember the time when you were all baking holiday cookies together and got into a playful flour fight?
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Starting traditions where you and your children spend time together as a family can give them a sense of belonging and stability and lots of memories to look back on when they’re older.
It may even persuade them to start their own or similar family traditions once they have children of their own.
4. Acts of kindness
As a parent, you are your child’s biggest fan and someone they look up to. It is important to demonstrate good behavior that they will learn from.
Random acts of kindness, such as bringing food over for a sick neighbor or lending the customer in line at the grocery store behind you a few extra bucks when they do not have enough for all their items, can shape the future behavior of your children and give them positive memories to look back on.
“Seeing and doing kind things leaves a strong impression on children. It shows them the importance of being kind and caring,” Kim explained.
“They remember how good it feels to help others and to see their parents helping too.”
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Research indicates that when we extend kindness to others, our brains release oxytocin, which enhances our mood and overall well-being.
Most of us will never forget the first time we donated to charity or lent one of our hungry classmates some of our lunch.
These moments of kindness not only make for inspiring stories for children to look back on but also some of the most crucial core memories that showed them how impactful being gracious to others could be.
5. Comfort during tough times
Most of us remember the first time we lost a sports game or were bullied by another classmate. While the initial sinking feeling of embarrassment and shame is not exactly our best memory, we likely remember who the first person to give us a hug and comfort us was.
“Supporting your child when they’re sick, scared, or upset is very important because these are the times they need you the most,” Kim shared. “Your presence and reassurance during these moments leave a lasting impact.”
Children need to learn that expressing emotions, even if they may be distressing, is healthy and beneficial for their overall development.
When your children are experiencing rough times, they will remember who allowed them the space to vent, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on.
Contrary to what some parents may believe, offering comfort to your child does not reinforce bad behavior. It reminds them that you love them and will be their rock when they are navigating challenges.
“As parents, our words and actions can leave emotional imprints on our children, even when specific events fade from memory,” Kim wrote.
“Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about how we manage our imperfections. Demonstrating kindness and empathy teaches valuable lessons, and addressing mistakes with care shows resilience. Our love and support become their inner voice, influencing their choices and actions throughout life.”
Your children know that you will not always be the perfect parent, and there will be times when you disappoint them.
However, they will remember the times when you tried to make things magical for them by spending the afternoon with them, encouraging them when they felt down, starting a new family tradition, demonstrating kindness to a stranger, and comforting them when they were hurt.
Those beautiful core memories will be times when you simply made them feel safe and loved.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.