Grandpa Shares The 3 'Agreements' Couples Should Make To Save Their Relationship
His words of wisdom are hard to dispute.
imtmphoto | Shutterstock A wise grandfather is sharing his secrets about building a lasting and meaningful relationship.
His sage advice detailed that it takes effort from both parties, active listening, and a little sacrifice every now and then.
He should know — he’s been married long before some of us were even born and has experienced all of the highs and lows that come with relationships.
The grandpa revealed the three ‘agreements’ couples should make to save their relationship:
1. Always take their pain seriously
Let’s say your partner is upset because you ate the last ice cream sandwich in the freezer. While it may seem like a silly and insignificant thing to be angry over, there is usually a deeper reason that explains why they reacted the way they did.
Whenever your partner reacts, you should always try to validate their pain, no matter what your own feelings are on the matter.
“I know that eating the last ice cream sandwich upset you; I would be upset, too.”
Even if it is something you would never get upset over, reassure your partner that their feelings are reasonable and that you care.
“As silly as it might be, the more you validate their [your partner’s] emotions, the more they trust you…and that leads to a healthy connection,” relationship coach Sadia Khan said in an episode of Lucid Podcast.
Your partner should feel safe with you. One of the best ways to do that is by validating their emotions and acknowledging how they feel without ridiculing them or making them feel as if their worries are insignificant.
2. Help each other see when you are falling into destructive patterns
Whether it's eating fast food frequently instead of cooking dinner or snapping at one another over a slight disagreement, it is important for you to hold yourself and your partner accountable when you fall into toxic habits that can potentially harm your relationship.
It is easy to feel as if your partner is attacking you or attempting to pick a fight when they ask you to correct some of your behavioral habits that can pose an issue. However, they may just be trying to help you break out of your toxic habits for the sake of the relationship and for yourself.
When it comes to breaking destructive patterns with your partner, Psychology Today introduces the mantra: “See the pattern as the enemy, not each other.”
Work together to overcome and break the habits that are harming your relationship. Push aside any resentment toward your partner. Take accountability and be willing to put in the work to change.
Mladen Mitrinovic | Shutterstock
If you eat too much fast food during the week, set aside date nights where you and your partner alternate picking out recipes you can cook together.
If every disagreement ends in a screaming match, take a few moments to regroup and organize your thoughts calmly before returning to the discussion.
Breaking destructive habits is not going to be easy, but it will certainly make a positive difference in your relationship.
3. Stop hiding what bothers you
As difficult as it can be, communicating with your partner about what bothers you is crucial if you want the relationship to last.
Let’s say you are bothered by their messy habits and their refusal to wash the dishes or tidy up the living room. You may not want to say anything at first to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings or getting into an argument.
However, your bottled-up emotions will only lead to resentment toward your partner — which is unfair to them since they are not even aware of what they are doing to annoy you.
If you want the relationship to improve, allow your partner the opportunity to change the behavior or habits that bother you.
Life coach Sonia Zarbatany offers her advice on how to best bring up the subject with your partner without it turning into a heated argument.
“Number one, don’t go in when it’s hot. When people are heated, or they’re screaming, it’s just not the right time,” she said in a TikTok video.
“Number two, use ‘I’ instead of ‘you.’ Stop blaming the other person and take accountability for your feelings, your actions, and how you perceive the situation,” she advised.
Zarbatany suggests that after a conflict is brought up, allow your partner the chance to explain themselves and give them the floor to share their own feelings.
As cliché as it may sound, honesty is the best policy, and if you love your partner enough and want your relationship to last, you owe them that.
Relationships are not easy. They take work, patience, and a lot of willpower in order to maintain. Not every day is going to be filled with cuddles, kisses, and “I love you.”
Some days are going to consist of tough conversations, hurt feelings, and tears.
The sooner people recognize that a relationship is not supposed to look like something out of a romance novel, the longer they will last.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.