12 Lessons Most Women Learn Too Late In Life
We all want to better ourselves, but learning how isn't always easy.
Katalin Balassa | Shutterstock Women always strive for the best, whether it's success, money, power, or all of the above. But even when women achieve these goals in life, most still feel completely unfulfilled.
As humans, we sometimes learn lessons a bit late, stunting our personal growth and making it harder for us to form meaningful connections.
Here are 12 lessons most women learn too late in life
1. You're responsible for how people treat you
Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock
We've all been disrespected or undermined, and in the moment we might feel like nobody respects us or people don't know how to treat us right. But the reality of the situation is this: you are responsible for how people treat you.
You set the limits and you set the boundaries. And if someone treats you with disrespect, you step away from them. Because if you don't, this will only lead to more disrespect later down the road.
In fact, one study found that those who are disrespected have cynical views about human nature. This, in turn, leads to treating yourself and others with disrespect, and losing the respect of people around you.
2. Attitude is everything
Andrea Piacquadio | Pexels
Whether we had a bad morning or a raging headache, most of us struggle to keep a positive mindset. Even more, most of us learn far too late what a change in mindset can accomplish.
For instance, multiple studies have shown that a change in mindset leads to greater motivation and academic success among students. According to an additional study, "Positive thinking and interventions can increase older adults' resilience, and thereby improve their quality of life. High quality of life can lead to greater life satisfaction."
So, even when it's hard, find things to be grateful for each and every day. Focus on the positives throughout your day and keep yourself in high spirits — your overall health depends on it.
3. Health is wealth
Photoroyalty | Shutterstock
Don't underestimate the importance of good health. Good health means more than a trip to the doctor's office; staying on top of it has incredible benefits for your longevity.
Research has found that while, yes, eating healthy is linked to reduced cardiovascular disease and cancer, a healthy diet is also linked to our mental health. According to one study, "Several nutritional deficiencies, such as vitamin B12, B9 (folate), and zinc, can cause symptoms of depression and dementia such as low mood, fatigue, cognitive decline, and irritability."
So, as they say, health is wealth. Unfortunately, many women learn this lesson a bit too late. But there's always some time to turn things around for the better.
4. Actions speak louder than words
New Africa | Shutterstock
According to licensed counselor Lee Wichman, "The unconscious is incredibly powerful and one's behaviors cannot help but betray one's true sentiments." This means that if a friend or partner says, "I care about you," but their actions don't align, they likely don't care or value you.
It's a tough pill to swallow for most, but it's important to truly understand the meaning of that phrase. Because if we don't, we might find ourselves in relationships that drain us instead of inspire us.
5. It's okay to say 'no'
fizkes | Shutterstock
Never feel bad about saying no or having boundaries. Boundaries are an important part of living a good, authentic life. But the unfortunate truth is that most women don't learn this lesson soon enough.
According to a survey, 65% of women (compared to 49% of men) admitted to having a hard time saying no. Many people have even lied to get out of attending an event or going to something, with the top excuse being illness. And 57% pretended to be sick, with 62% of women admitting to using that as an excuse.
But why do we do this? Why can't we just say no and set those boundaries? The same survey found that 63% of Americans consider themselves people-pleasers. And people-pleasing can lead us to abandon our comfort and values just for the sake of others. Over time, this can have devastating consequences on our overall well-being, making it harder for us to live a good life.
6. Validation comes from within
fizkes | Shutterstock
When we spend all of our lives looking for validation from others, we inevitably put ourselves in a difficult situation. We can't live without the opinion of others, so we might feel the need to keep them around, even if they're not good for us.
But keeping toxic people around has damaging effects on our health. For instance, one study looking at psychopathy in relationships found that people in a relationship with a psychopath experienced serious physical and mental health issues.
These experiences were similar to those who suffered from crime, bullying, and partner violence, as well as PTSD and depression. Clearly, toxic people can drain the life out of us if we aren't careful.
7. Never feel bad about putting yourself first
Marcus Aurelius | Pexels
People might think you're selfish for putting yourself first, but making time for yourself is the best way to invest in the people you love. After all, you can't be your best self or show up for others when you're barely showing up for yourself.
And research has shown that those who lack self-care have worsening mental health. As the study found, "even low levels of depressive symptoms are associated with poor self-care." So, never feel bad about being a little "selfish" from time to time.
8. Failure brings you one step closer to success
insta_photos | Shutterstock
Just because you fail doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Truthfully, failure can bring you one step closer to success, and how you look at failure matters.
Those who ruminate on the past and refuse to let go tend to suffer the most, with multiple studies finding that "the tendency to ruminate is associated prospectively with increases in depressive symptoms."
If you don't want to fall behind, this is the biggest lesson you should learn: take your failure in stride and don't let it get to you. Psychologist Dr. Barbara L. Fredrickson says, "Positive emotions expand our awareness and open us up to new ideas, so we can grow and add to our toolkit for survival."
Now, that doesn't mean disregarding our negative emotions. Rather, as Frederickson adds, "People need negative emotions to move through difficult situations and respond to them appropriately in the short term."
Like with anything in life, there's a need for balance. And learning from those lessons and not allowing failure to overwhelm is the way to go.
9. Relationships should fuel you, not diminish you
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
Being in a relationship is always a beautiful thing, but if you find yourself feeling angry, depressed, or unmotivated, it's a sign to put yourself first. Unfortunately, many women don't learn this lesson until they are experiencing a toxic relationship or friendship.
Healthy relationships are supposed to build you up, motivate and inspire you, not tear you down or dim your light. In fact, healthy and stable friendships are crucial to our overall well-being and life satisfaction, even impacting our health. Learn the hard lesson of picking your friends and partners wisely, before it's far too late.
10. You're in charge of your own success
insta_photos | Shutterstock
Remember, only you can dictate your success, nobody else. And whether you choose to rise up or fall down is up to you and the decisions you make. But the good news is that we all have the ability to be successful, with a little bit of hard work.
Does that mean you'll get it right the first time? Probably not. But knowing that you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it can give you the strength to take charge of your own life and, by extension, your success.
11. Stay true to yourself, no matter what
Rido | Shutterstock
Always stay true to who you are, no matter what. In life, you're bound to be tempted to change, to fit in. However, changing to appease others is a recipe for disaster and misery. It never ends well.
Not only will you never know who you truly are, but you'll never be content with who you become. You won't enjoy your success or accomplishments because deep down you'll feel like something is missing, that something being yourself.
12. Your intuition is always right
fizkes | Shutterstock
Trust yourself, even if you're not sure why. Most times, your intuition is right. That gut feeling is happening for a reason and it's likely to protect you.
Neuroscientist and psychologist Joel Pearson says that intuition should be used for predictable or familiar contexts, which can mean when you're making a business decision or when you're walking down a street. So, that gut feeling is trying to keep you safe or to help you make those logical decisions.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.