9 Subtle Phrases People Say On Purpose To Make You Feel Bad About Yourself
People belittle you without you even realizing it.
Dikushin Dmitry | Shutterstock If you’ve ever felt awful about yourself, you’re certainly not alone.
During at least one point in our lives, we've felt discouraged, humiliated, or upset. However, nothing hits the same as when you’re left feeling this way because of someone else’s insensitive comments.
Sometimes, people will say mean things just to deplete your self-confidence. But if you know what to look for, you can avoid beating yourself up about it.
Here are 9 subtle phrases people say (on purpose) to make you feel bad about yourself
1. 'It's your fault'
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When arguments happen, it's easy for things to escalate. However, having all the blame placed on one person is very toxic and accomplishes nothing.
Not only does it make the other person feel bad, but it creates an unfair dynamic, where one person is seen as the "saint" or "victim," while the other is seen as "evil" or the "perpetrator." When someone says this to you, you may quickly begin to feel down, but it's important to realize that placing blame on you has more to do with the person, not you.
2. 'You're being dramatic'
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Feeling strong emotions doesn't make you dramatic, it just means you're passionate. You've probably been told you were being "over dramatic" once or twice before and, in hindsight, you may have thought this person was right at some point.
But emotional suppression can become dangerous down the road. Research has shown that suppressing your emotions increases the risk of "earlier death, including death from cancer." Don't let someone misinterpreting your emotions for drama bring you down; embrace your true self instead.
3. 'I never said that'
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Being gaslighted is the worst feeling in the world, and hearing the phrase, "I never said that," is even more infuriating. After all, we know what we heard or what a person meant by their words. Yet we are led to believe otherwise just because they don't want to admit they were wrong.
Never underestimate the impact of gaslighting. As Medical News Today explains, gaslighting can lead to anxiety, depression, isolation, and psychological trauma, and diminishes self-worth. Don't allow someone using this abusive tactic to get under your skin.
4. 'You never listen to me'
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People who communicate effectively steer clear of the word "always." According to love coach Elizabeth Stone, "Using a statement like 'You always...' puts the other person on the defensive and causes the argument to go to times when they didn't do whatever you are accusing them of. This complicates the argument and makes it more difficult to resolve."
But the same goes for the word "never." For instance, when you say, "You never listen to me," you're implying that not once did this person attempt to hear you out, which is most likely not the case. Using the word "never" can be harmful to any relationship, making the other person feel as if they're not doing enough, even if they're giving it their all.
5. 'You're so selfish'
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We've all been taught that being selfish is a bad or mean thing, and that a truly kind person would put others first, even if it hurts. But this isn't necessarily true and, sometimes, there's a call to be selfish when the occasion arises.
The reality is that you can't put others first without taking care of your needs. You can't show up and be the best version of yourself without taking care of your mental health. And if that means ignoring other people's expectations and putting your needs first, so be it.
6. 'One day you will understand'
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Growing up, you were likely talked down to as if you didn't know any better. You may have heard the phrase, "One day you will understand." On the surface, this might not seem like a huge deal. But people who say this want you to go through tough times.
These individuals are hoping that you suffer if it means giving you a taste of your own medicine. And when you really think about it, this phrase is not only meant to make you feel bad, it's also just toxic. They are essentially wishing you the worst, which is a glaring red flag. It's also a sign that you should ignore what they are saying, as it will only decrease your self-worth.
7. 'I don't have time for this'
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When you've attempted to talk to a person of authority, like your parents, you could have been met with the phrase, "I don't have time for this." A dismissal of your emotions is a harsh thing to go through. It's completely invalidating.
According to a study, "When people feel that their emotions are judged as unacceptable, wrong or inappropriate, they experience the world differently." These individuals experience less positive emotions and more stress, damaging their mental health.
8. 'You don't know what you're talking about'
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If you've ever been told, "You don't know what you're talking about," this phrase is utterly demeaning and disrespectful. Age or experience doesn't automatically mean knowledge.
According to Pew Research Center, Gen Z is on track to become the most educated generation to date, saying, "They are less likely to drop out of high school and more likely to be enrolled in college. Among 18- to 21-year-olds no longer in high school in 2018, 57% were enrolled in a two-year or four-year college. This compares with 52% among Millennials in 2003 and 43% among members of Gen X in 1987."
If someone has the audacity to say you don't know what you're talking about, kindly remind yourself that you don't need to accept this kind of behavior from anyone.
9. 'You're just being insecure'
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If you're in a relationship, it hurts to hear, "You're just being insecure," from your partner. Usually, you're not actually being insecure, you're simply concerned and need reassurance. And the impact of not receiving that emotional validation is staggering.
As licensed counselor Amy Lewis Bear says, "Emotional invalidation upsets the power balance in a relationship and leads to uncertainty and self-reproach." It makes your partner view their emotions as insignificant, leading to feelings of inadequacy that can effectively end the relationship.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.