Brother Gives A Smaller Wedding Gift To His Sister Who Eloped Than He Did To His Sister Who Had A 'Traditional Wedding'
"It's unreasonable to expect the same generosity when you don't give any generosity."
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Deciding what gift to give a couple who gets married can be complicated. There are a lot of different factors to consider.
One man thought he was simply being logical when he gave his sisters different wedding gifts, but it may have caused a rift in the family. Turns out, siblings get upset if things aren't monetarily equal.
A brother caused some family drama by giving a smaller wedding gift to one of his sisters than he did to the other.
A man took to Reddit for advice after he unintentionally hurt one of his sister’s feelings because of the wedding gift he gave her and her new husband.
He began by providing some background information on his relationship with his sisters. He said that he was a teenager when his sisters, Katie and Jess, were born, so they aren’t overly close.
“My sister Katie got married two summers ago and had your typical traditional wedding,” he shared. He also said Katie and her husband paid for most of the wedding themselves, which must have been a significant cost.
“They were super cool and let me and my wife bring our two kids even though I later found out the venue charged the same for kids as adults for the food and everything,” he stated. “It meant a lot and I didn’t want their inclusion to be a burden so my wife and I gifted them $500 as a wedding present to cover our plates plus a little extra.”
Jess, on the other hand, is very different from Katie, and she wanted a different kind of wedding.
“My sister Jess has always been more ‘low key.’ When she got engaged she told us all she would likely elope and nobody tried to convince her otherwise because it made sense for them,” he shared. “They announced a couple weeks ago that they eloped in the mountains with just them and the necessary witness.”
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The brother continued, “Since they didn’t have a wedding, I didn’t think to get them a wedding present because, you know, no wedding. But they did just go under contract on their first home together so my wife and I got them a $100 gift card to Home Depot. I remember when I first bought my first home, there [was] a lot of home improvement stuff and I made about 100 trips there so I thought it would be a nice gift.”
This might have been fine if Jess hadn't asked Katie about her wedding gift.
“Apparently, she asked Katie what they got for their wedding and she told them and now [she feels] a certain way about our gift to them,” he said. “She made a comment about feeling like their marriage wasn’t respected enough because they didn’t throw a big party and said it felt like I was showing favoritism.”
Now, this man has been left to wonder if he did something wrong by being more “generous” to Katie and her husband because of the way they treated his family.
Giving a gift to a couple that eloped isn’t actually necessary.
Brides spoke to Elaine Swann, the founder of the Swann School of Protocol, about giving wedding gifts to couples who choose to elope.
Swann said, “You’re not required to give a gift. However, it is a nice gesture to send a gift to the bride and groom to wish them well on the start of their new stage of life.”
However, Brides also noted, “It’s okay to spend less than you would if you attended the wedding. When there’s a big celebration, you factor in the expenses of the couple when buying a gift.”
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Based on this advice from Brides, it sounds like what this brother did was perfectly acceptable. The problem that comes into play here is that of comparison.
While the brother did nothing wrong, one sister is comparing her gift to the other’s and refusing to acknowledge the differences in their situations.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.