Woman Refuses To Let Her Half-Sister Use Her Mom's Jewelry As Her 'Something Borrowed' In Her Wedding — 'She Says I'm 'Gatekeeping' My Mom'
The woman has every right to withhold her mom’s sacred belongings.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock It’s not uncommon for women to turn to their moms for their "something borrowed" on their wedding day. Sometimes, they wear the same dress their moms wore, and sometimes, they wear a significant piece of jewelry.
There’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting to commemorate her mom on her wedding day. But after one woman’s younger half-sister requested to wear her mom’s necklace, despite not being related to her, the woman refused, rightfully so.
The woman took to Reddit asking if she was wrong to turn her sister down from wearing the necklace.
In the since-deleted Reddit post, the woman explained she is 27, and when she got married, she wore the same necklace her mom wore to her wedding with her dad, so it holds great meaning for her.
Her mom passed away, and her dad later met another woman and had her half-sister, Leah. Here's where things get tricky. Leah's mom and her dad are no longer together.
Recently, Leah asked the woman if she could wear the same necklace she wore to her wedding.
“This was a sore topic. Even though my mom had wanted all of her jewelry to go to me, Dad had given Leah a few things when she was a child,” the woman wrote in her post. “He told me I had no say in the matter, and he loved my mom and wanted both his daughters to have pieces of her even though Leah is not my mom's child.”
“I still dislike that she has some of my mom's jewelry,” she added. “But I know Dad has built her up to see it as something sweet.”
It’s safe to say that the woman’s dad insensitively invalidated his oldest daughter’s right to decide how to manage her mom’s belongings, so it’s understandable why she’s unwilling to lend her mom’s necklace to her sister, even if just for a day.
“I told her she could not borrow that but I offered to let her borrow some of my jewelry. Stuff that isn't connected to my mom,” the woman explained. “Leah told me that wasn't fair and she wanted to get married matching me on my wedding day in some way.”
Leah refused to take no for an answer and pressured the woman to let her borrow the necklace.
After the woman’s initial "no," rather than knowing her place and respecting her sister’s boundaries, she continued to press her. Leah asked if she would feel differently if her parents weren’t paying for the wedding, although that had nothing to do with it.
“She told me she knows I don't like her parents and she doesn't think I should take it out on her,” the woman reiterated. “I said no, it's not that, it's that I don't want to share my mom's jewelry with her. That I never wanted her to have some of my mom's stuff. That was all, Dad.”
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“She accused me of gatekeeping my mom,” she added. “She told me she had just as much right to it as I did.”
The woman questioned Leah’s logic and reminded her that she still had her mom. The sister argued that their dad didn’t love anyone more deeply than the woman’s mom, and sharing a connection with her on her wedding day would make her feel loved and accepted by their dad.
While Leah’s desire to feel connected to her sister and her sister’s mom on her wedding day is understandable, she is not fully grasping the sensitivity of the subject. As the woman pointed out, Leah still has her mom, and the woman in the post doesn’t.
Despite her own emotional challenges, Leah has no idea the pain her older sister lives with, having lost her mom, and it’s unfair to push the boundary surrounding her mom’s personal items.
Unfortunately, the girl struggled to understand this and solely focused on how it made her feel.
“She wants to feel like I love her as a true sister and not some half-thing that I wish didn't exist,” the woman explained. “She told me letting her borrow the necklace can show that. I still said no.”
Reddit users argued Leah is invalidating the woman’s right to withhold meaningful memories of her mom.
It’s unfortunate that Leah has developed some insecurities surrounding her role in her father's life, but that's his job to fix. The girl’s feelings are valid, but they don’t negate the woman’s pain of losing her mom and having to share her valuable belongings against her will.
“It's really sad that a woman, who [Leah] never knew, seems to mean more to her than her own mother because her dad made it so clear that's how HE viewed them,” someone commented on the post, identifying the dad as the source of Leah’s insecurities.
Despite Leah already owning various jewelry items from the woman’s mom, she failed to understand how her reaction to her sister’s refusal to share such a precious item was selfish.
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Leah could choose to wear any of the other pieces of jewelry she already owns from the woman’s mom or perhaps something from her own mom, but she insisted on specifically wearing the same necklace her older sister’s mom wore on her wedding day, taking away the last sentimental connection she has to her mom.
While she likely only intends to feel more connected to her dad and sister, she is overstepping, and it’s simply not her place to even ask.
Hopefully, Leah will eventually step outside herself and recognize her older sister’s feelings on the matter are valid. Both sisters will likely need to seek therapy to work through the emotional baggage they have both internalized so that Leah can one day respect her sister’s right to her mom’s memory and focus on nourishing the relationship with her own mom.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.