Trial Attorney Reveals How To Deal With Emotionally Immature People — Without Getting Sucked Into Drama
Advice from someone who has to deal with some of the messiest people during the worst days of their lives.
South_agency | Canva Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who was super hard-headed? Like, no matter what you did or said, you were met with either disrespect or dishonesty? Dealing with an immature person like this isn’t easy. It can be draining and frustrating. Most of us don’t know what to do or how to navigate the conversation and end up feeling like our energy (and integrity!) have been sacrificed for this emotionally immature person.
You know who has to deal with a lot of immature people? Trial attorneys. They have to talk to some of the messiest individuals in society, often in the worst stages of their lives. To help us out, trial attorney Jefferson Fisher discusses the three best ways to navigate tough conversations with someone who’s just too emotionally immature.
Three ways to talk to someone who is emotionally immature, according to a trial attorney
1. Stop being the hero
You aren’t always responsible for other people’s emotions. Fisher explains, “You already manage your own feelings and emotions. It is not your responsibility to regulate theirs.”
People are in charge of their own feelings. They’re in charge of their own reactions and that should never be another person’s responsibility, as evidenced in research conducted by Current Directions in Psychological Science.
So, if you find yourself dealing with an immature person don’t always try to fix things. Let them feel their own emotions and learn how to regulate themselves.
And if they can’t? Well, that isn’t really your problem.
2. Let them misunderstand you if they're committed to doing so
“People who are emotionally immature don’t do self-reflection,” begins Fisher. Arguing with an emotionally immature person is pretty useless.
Immature people can’t see any other perspective but their own — no matter how hard you try. Which is why you need to learn how to detach yourself. Fisher explains, “You need to have this sense of detachment that says, look I can only tell it to you, I can’t understand it for you.”
Don’t give too much of your energy into a low-energy conversation because it’s just a waste of time.
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3. Say 'yes' to empathy and 'no' to enabling
Research on empathy and emotional regulation helps us understand the difference between empathy and enabling because too many of us get it wrong.
You see, when we empathize with someone we can understand how they feel. It can look like, “I can see why that would make you feel frustrated or upset. What do you want to do about it?”
However, enabling is a different arena entirely. Enabling is saying, “Let me do this for you because I don’t want you to feel this way.”
The biggest difference between the two is accountability. When we enable someone we can’t hold them accountable for their actions. Instead, we take things into our own hands — creating an unhealthy possibly dependent relationship in the process.
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Fisher further explains, “It only reinforces their idea that life happens to them which will always leave them playing the victim.”
So, if you want to distance yourself from an emotionally immature person then you need to stop playing into their victim mentality. Learn to say no and let them deal with their own problems.
Don’t get me wrong, this won’t be easy. But, learning to be strong on your own was never meant to be easy in the first place.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.