Hospice Nurse Calls Patient’s Son Who He Hasn’t Spoken To In 10 Years To Ask If He Will Come See Him — ‘That Didn’t Go Well’
No contact kids may not choose to visit their dying parents, and that’s a right they’re entitled to.
fizkes / Shutterstock Not getting the chance to gain closure and reconnect with your kids in the final days of your life is not a happy ending anyone desires. Unfortunately, it happens quite often, and hospice nurses are the brave messengers at the receiving end of their patients’ disappointment.
One hospice nurse took to TikTok to share the unpleasant conversation she had with a patient and his estranged son.
The nurse, Hadley Vlahos, filmed herself in her car as she prepared to make a dreaded call to her patient’s no-contact son.
“This is the least favorite part of my job,” she began the video. “My patient’s asking me to call his son, who he has not spoken to in 10 years, and tell him to come visit him before he dies.”
She made the call to the son, and she did not get the response his dad was hoping for.
“So he said no, he’s not going to come. I said that I respect that decision. I asked if he wants me to notify him whenever his dad does die, he said yes. I have to go in here now and tell the patient that,” Vlahos said begrudgingly.
The video cut back to Vlahos after she told the patient as she maintained a calm but weary expression.
“I told my patient. Didn’t go well,” she said. “I told him that his son said that he doesn’t want to come. The patient asked if I told him that he was dying. I said I did. He said, ‘You should’ve told him that he had to come.’ I said I’m not going to do that.”
Vlahos suggested the patient consider writing his son a letter, and she would make sure to deliver it to him, but she couldn’t promise he would read it.
At that moment, the patient told Vlahos to “get out.”
Hospice nurses take on the heavy burden of navigating family conflicts from an objective view.
Hospice nurses are responsible for many things, but coercing loved ones to visit their dying relatives is not one of them. While they try to make their patients as comfortable as possible, forming compassionate connections with them so they can pass peacefully, there is only so much they can do.
“I love this patient so much, but it’s just not my place to guilt trip someone into coming,” Vlahos expressed. “I have no idea what this person was like the first 80 years of their life before I met them. As much as it sucks to get yelled at in that way, hopefully, I did the right thing.”
Regardless of the genuine bonds hospice nurses form with their patients, at the end of the day, they must remain unbiased and objective in their actions.
Vlahos did her part in calling the patient’s son and informing him of his dad’s situation, and whatever he decides to do with that information is up to him. As she noted, Vlahos doesn’t know the context of what prompted the man to cut off contact with his dad. If he still refuses to reconnect or make amends as his dad approaches his final hours, it may be for a valid reason, and this is territory a hospice nurse is not meant to cross.
This is not the first instance of an individual upholding their no-contact rule despite the news of a dying relative. While some may be willing to forgive and be the bigger person, others may have experienced too much trauma to reconnect with a potentially toxic parent simply because they are on their deathbed.
Regardless of the context, it is an individual’s right to decide how they go about their parent’s death.
Many TikTokers agreed that Vlahos was right to respect the son’s decision.
“As a no-contact child ...THANK YOU!” one person commented. “My mother tried to get her doctor to ‘make’ me come. Once a manipulator, always a manipulator.”
It’s clear the patient is experiencing some distressing emotions realizing his son does not want to see him before he passes. This sense of isolated helplessness can bring out the worst in people.
The pain of passing away isolated from your family is inconceivable, but pushing away the one individual who is by your side is not the answer.
“[Him] yelling at you is probably how he treated his son. He feels entitled still to this day,” someone else inferred. “You did the right thing.”
“No-contact child here, I appreciate you so much for not making me feel bad for the difficult choice it is,” another person commented.
Choosing not to visit your dying parent is unquestionably a challenging decision to make. The amount of guilt and pain no-contact individuals experience is a daily struggle, but it’s usually prompted by unimaginable trauma experienced from a young age.
More often than not, individuals choose to cut ties with their parents in order to protect themselves, and they have the right to maintain their distance as long as they choose, even if it means missing their parent’s death.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.