A Dating Expert Shares 3 Things Women Do That Make Men Take Them Less Seriously
The secret word that creates a successful dating life.
key05 | Canva After a series of dates, the prospect of love isn't looking too great. Slowly but surely you find yourself frustrated with your love life and the people you attract.
You look in the mirror and ask, "Why can't I find someone who wants me, is it really that hard? What am I doing wrong?" Maybe the problem is that you're not saying, "No thanks" enough.
Here are 3 little mistakes women make that cause men to take them less seriously
Dating coach Sabrina Zohar doesn't pull any punches about the three things you need to stop doing in your dating life if you want it to be successful.
1. She texts too much right away
"It's one thing to match with someone, have a small little conversation, get a vibe check, maybe a FaceTime," begins Zohar. But, it's another thing entirely to constantly text them.
What you're saying to them is, "Look at how available and desperate I am right now." As you can imagine, that's not a great look. Moreover, it can worsen anxious-avoidant tendencies because the other person can pick up on your energy, as explained by an article in Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training Journal.
They pick up on your desperation, anxiety, fearful nature, and availability. This is terrifying as the wrong person can use this information to completely take advantage of you.
What should you do? Start by not being so available. Zohar explains, "This is not about playing a game this is about going out and living your life and setting boundaries with somebody." Especially if you want a secure and healthy relationship.
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2. She allows herself to become
You're super eager to get to know your new person and find true love. Yet, with the ups and downs of dating as described in research by Ximena B. Arriaga, we need to have boundaries in place first.
As Zohar explains, "You want somebody that prioritizes you? You want somebody that's going to make the plans? You want somebody that's going to show up for you. Well, that starts in the beginning."
If someone is setting an unspecified date, you say, "No, thank you." Or, if someone is trying to meet up last minute you also say, "No, thank you."
Remember, you have a life. You have things to do and stuff you need to prioritize. You have your schedule you need to follow. So, stick with your schedule and don't allow for last-minute dates in the beginning stages of a new relationship since it sets a bad foundation for the future.
3. She excuses bad behavior
"This is nothing to do with the texting thing. This is nothing to do with the fact that, 'Oh somebody didn't text me? Okay, cool, I'm gonna make exceptions for that,'" says Zohar.
This is about is inconsistency or playing the 'hot and cold' game. One minute they're fully present, and the next minute they're completely checked out of the game.
Zohar continues, "The person who is consciously putting space in between. Doesn't wanna talk about commitment. Isn't willing to open up to you." A study published in Psychological Assessment Journal demonstrates you should never excuse these behaviors because they are glimpse into the future as bad behavior tends to worsen over time.
Never feel the need to prove yourself. Don't feel as if you have to earn their love or attention. Zohar explains, "What you're doing is you are again, perpetuating their behavior and you're showing them, 'Oh look, I have to prove myself to this person.'"
She continues, "Because if you have no boundaries, they know your world resolves around them and your boundaries are waved for them." Which can easily land you in a toxic or abusive situation.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.