32 Questions To Ask Your Adult Kids To Stop And Connect With Them
Go deeper than just "how are you?" with your grown kids, so you can keep them close.
yonikamoto via shutterstock It's easy to stay surface-level when talking with your parents or your adult kids. For many Boomer and Gen X parents, sharing vulnerability and emotions is awkward. To their adult kids, it can get awkward watching them try. Being real for a second, most of us are scared to talk about our emotions, in fear of starting a fight or offending somebody.
But if you want a better relationship with your adult child (or your parents, if you're the adult child) then you need to dig beyond the surface. Truthfully, you need to dig deep within the metaphorical dirt if you want your relationship to grow. To start, try asking some questions.
In this video, Mary and her dad, Curtis, took an opportunity to dig a little deeper despite some major political and religious differences. Mary is a liberal who no longer identifies with the religion she was raised in, and her dad is a conservative who is still deeply devoted to the Church. Tensions often run high between them, but asking one another these questions — and listening to the other's answers — helped them say things they'd never said before.
32 Questions to Ask Your Adult Kids
1. When you describe me to your friends what do you say?
2. In what ways do you wish you were more like me?
3. What is your favorite memory of me when I was younger?
4. What is a lie you have told me that I never found out about until now?
5. What is your secret to a happy relationship with your spouse?
6. Do you have a secret or not-so-secret vice?
7. What do you miss the most about having the same house?
8. Describe the time you think we were happiest as a family.
9. When was the last time you cried?
10. What advice from your parents has stuck with you in life?
11. What do you think about my skills as a parent?
12. If you could change one thing about your life what would it be?
13. What's one family tradition you've kept up and what's one you've let go?
14. What is my biggest strength as a person?
15. What song makes you think of me?
16. What is something you've learned from me?
17. What is the biggest thing you think I've done wrong with my life?
18. What is the best and worst part about getting older?
19. What do we do differently as parents?
20. What don't I understand about your life right now?
21. What was the hardest thing you went through as a child?
22. What do you love and hate most about being a parent?
23. If I could do one thing to make our relationship better what would it be?
24. What's one life lesson you had to learn the hard way?
25. What did you get wrong about me when I was younger?
26. How do you think life is different for kids today versus your childhood?
27. What is your biggest regret?
28. What is the one thing about our relationship or time together as a family that you hope I remember for the rest of my life?
29. What is the last thing I did that upset you?
30. What do you wish you could tell everyone about me that would make them understand me more?
31. What is your biggest wish for me?
32. Are you proud of me? If so, why?
This current list was done by the video team at Open Relationships: Transforming Together, a podcast where people can get upfront and personal about their relationships and inspire meaningful conversations to better help transform their relationships.
Listen, building a strong foundation with your adult child isn't easy. And as life goes on, it may become harder and harder to maintain the bond you once had when they were children.
This is why it's important to sit down and have those vulnerable conversations. And when you ask those thought-provoking questions, you can slowly begin to build a stronger bond that can last a lifetime.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics