Therapist Shares 5 Traits That Make Someone An Amazing Mother
Motherhood is the perfect vehicle for growth.
Ridofranz | Canva Motherhood is an extreme journey of self-discovery and expansion, where you’re whooshed to the peaks of ecstasy, only to be dropped in a pit of helpless gloom.
If life is about personal growth, then motherhood is an ideal vehicle. I am a mother of five and this is what I’ve discovered.
Five traits that make someone an amazing mother, according to a therapist
1. She's aware of her personal pitfalls
She may feel like a failure. She constantly compares herself, her marriage, and her kids to others. But instead of feeling inspired by what others do to make their family work, she doesn’t feel good enough. But here's the paradox: This makes her try harder.
Because she cares, she's aware of her weaknesses and pitfalls (bad temper, excessive media use) and she tiptoes around them gracefully, secure in the knowledge that, above all, she loves her kids. She's on a perpetual quest to discover what changes she needs to implement to make her kids’ lives better. For example, Her media awareness may open the gates to creativity, sparking ideas on nutrition, new family activities, or camps and schools to expand her kids' life experience.
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2. She leads by example in growth
The better she is as a person, the better she is as a mom. She stocks up on self-help books, takes healing, spiritual, and self-discovery workshops, and attends lots of classes. She constantly invests in her personal growth, and the higher she flies, the mightier wings her children sprout.
Bettering herself causes her household dynamic to evolve into a peaceful, harmonious flow. This peace and calm instills a deep sense of safety in her children, and safety becomes their norm. Will family life always be peaceful and calm? Heck no, but when life gets chaotic, the habitual 'emotional norm’ she's set eventually prevails.
3. She indulges her needs and is selfishly selfless
She does lunches with friends, pursues her intellectual and creative pursuites, and lets her stress melt into aromatherapy and acupuncture. After all, she is her own person, and her needs matter. She views herself as an equal member of the circle of people she cares about.
Her inner glow of worthiness creates a light of amazement around her, touching the hearts of her children. As they grow and mature, they emulate their mom by tending to their desires and worthiness, confident that, throughout life, their needs will be met.
4. She is honest and owns her shortcomings
When she yells at her kids, she apologizes. When she forgets about their school play, she is genuinely sorry and says it, owning her faults. She is brave enough to have authentic conversations with her kids. "
"How can I be a better mom to you?" she asks, open to receiving their feedback without judgment. She is not perfect — a messed-up, flawed human like the rest of us — but she is humbly honest about it and willing to improve for her kids. And just as she accepts herself in her complex entirety, she fully accepts her children, so they bring out the best in one another. Acceptance opens doors to seeing the light of what’s good in us beneath our flaws.
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5. She demonstrates how to handle stress and chaos when life gets turbulent
She teaches her kids healthy strategies to deal with breakdowns by using herself as an example. She instills powerful mechanisms for coping with life in them — a messy yet glorious adventure. She applies all those self-help tools she spent time and money on to good and bad experiences.
She makes self-work and even spirituality a practical tool in her daily life. Yoga, meditation, positive affirmations, journaling, Zooming with a therapist, listening to a podcast — yet crying in heartbreak while searching for meaning in her pain; grasping for a glimmer of light in a state of utter darkness. She is a real person on the court of life, embracing it all, fully.
Some faiths believe someone beyond the skies assigned our kids to us, entrusting them into our care. Perhaps, it's so our kids can remind us of a love that echoes through our hearts as the unconditional embrace of a mother. Listen to this message from your children and nurture these five traits in yourself, knowing that you already are an amazing mother.
Katherine Agranovich, Ph.D., is a Medical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Consultant. She is the author of Tales of My Large, Loud, Spiritual Family.