5 Old-Fashioned Boundaries People Should Bring Back For Healthier Relationships
The old days aren't aways something to aspire to, but we can pull some valuable lessons from them.
KrakenImages via Shutterstock When you're on the journey of self-love and healing, one of the most important aspects of the journey is learning to create healthy boundaries. When we talk about creating boundaries, we often discuss who to cut off or how to do it. However, creating both successful and healthy boundaries requires more than blocking people from your life.
Here are 5 old-fashioned boundaries people should bring back for healthier relationships:
Licensed therapist Logan Cohen highlights the five essential key areas for establishing healthy clear boundaries in any given relationship.
1. Understand that your time is valuable, so be picky about how you spend it.
Want to create better boundaries for yourself? You need to start getting your time right. Ask, "How much time should I invest in one thing or person?" If you're a workaholic you might find it hard to juggle your work-life balance. So set boundaries by limiting the time spent outside of working hours responding to emails or phone calls, instead of blurring relationship boundaries as shown by a study conducted in 2012.
2. Protect your physical boundaries and become comfortable with saying "no".
When creating boundaries you need to decide where your physical boundaries lay. Do you find yourself uncomfortable when people hug you? Or are there specific people you don't like receiving physical affection from?
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Knowing where your boundaries begin and end is crucial to your well-being. Understanding where your comfort zone is can make it a lot easier to let others know what's OK and what's not.
3. Lend money (or don't!) wisely.
Creating boundaries when it comes to finances is not easy, as explored in a study from 2019. On one hand, you want to help a family member or friend out. On the other hand, lending money can quickly lead to someone constantly taking advantage of and abusing your kindness.
This is why you need to have firm boundaries on who you should and shouldn't lend money. Cohen explains, "Refusing to allow for someone to borrow money who you're in a close relationship with because you're not willing to be in an awkward position if they can't actually repay you."
4. Clearly communicate your boundaries.
Knowing your boundaries when it comes to how you communicate can save you a lot of heartache in the future. Most people don't put boundaries on communication because they either don't want to come off as rude or don't know how.
This is why you need to focus on the specifics when it comes to communication. Cohen advises us to focus on both what is said, how it's said, and pay attention to, "tone, timber, and volume of voice."
5. Decide your own intimacy boundaries and stick to them.
"Like the disclosure of your [intimate] history, giving consent, and setting parameters for physical contact," says Cohen.
If you don't feel comfortable being physically intimate until marriage then express and set those parameters with your partner. Discussion of intimacy are important in effective relationship communication, as backed up by a 2010 study.
Talking about your intimate relationship history can be uncomfortable, you can let your potential partners know it's a topic you'd rather not discuss. Cohen ends with, "Go ahead and set those limits and follow through on them so you don't abandon yourself for someone else's pleasure."
Look, creating boundaries isn't easy, and enforcing them is even harder. When we know where we need to set our boundaries, it can make it much easier to follow through with them.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.