Woman Upset Her Fiancé Won't Re-Propose To Her After She Lost Her Engagement Ring
She said the magic of the moment was gone.
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock Getting engaged is a momentous occasion, yet it’s just the starting point to a major decision. Proposing to your person means you want to build a life with them through all the highs and lows that may come your way.
One woman seemed to put more emphasis on that brief special moment than the idea of being married to her partner.
The woman was upset that her fiancé wouldn’t redo the proposal after she lost her engagement ring.
A 29-year-old man wrote to the subreddit r/AITAH, describing a strangely tense situation with the 28-year-old woman he asked to marry him.
He explained that six months ago, he proposed to his girlfriend with “A beautiful ring that I saved up for over a year to buy.”
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“She was thrilled," he said, "and we've been happily planning our wedding since then,” — at least until they went on a weekend getaway to the mountains.
“During one of our hikes, she realized that her engagement ring was missing,” the man wrote. “She was devastated, and we spent hours retracing our steps, but we couldn't find it.”
After losing her engagement ring, the woman wanted her fiancé to buy a new ring and “re-propose to her to recreate the special moment.”
The man validated her feelings but told her that buying the same ring would be a financial challenge. “I suggested that we could either wait until I could afford a similar ring or get a more modest ring for now and upgrade it in the future,” he said.
But the man’s fair-minded compromise set his fiancée off. She told him, "It wouldn't feel the same with a different ring and that the magic of the proposal was lost.”
“She insisted that she wanted the moment to be recreated just as it was before,” he continued. “I told her that the important thing was our commitment to each other, not the ring or the proposal itself.”
The woman accused her fiancé of ‘not caring enough about her feelings’ because he can't afford to re-buy her engagement ring. Yet it’s what she said next that seemed like a warning sign: “If I truly loved her, I would find a way to make it happen.”
“Now, there's a lot of tension between us, and she's been distant ever since,” he added. “I feel like I'm being practical, but she feels like I'm not valuing our engagement enough.”
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He asked if he was wrong for refusing to re-propose as his fiancée was demanding.
Commenters resoundingly agreed that he wasn’t wrong to hold his ground and that her behavior was a major indicator of how little she truly valued their relationship.
One person said that her request seemed like a test to see how far she could push her partner until she got exactly what she wanted. Another person thought the man should consider calling off the engagement, wondering where the woman’s priorities lie.
“Lots of main character syndrome going on here,” one person wrote.
“She has Cinderella complex and wants everything to be magical,” someone else commented.
“Red flags don't get much bigger or brighter than this one because I can assure you that this attitude won't stop with just this ring,” a third user advised.
“Silver lining,” said another Redditor. “It cost you the price of the ring to figure out who this person really is. That may be cheaper in the long run.”
Others noted the extremity of her reaction, highlighting that she seemed to be emotionally manipulating him to get what she wanted.
As one therapist noted, a sign of emotional manipulation is when someone makes you feel obligated to do what they want and tells you that you're a bad person if you don't — almost exactly what this woman is doing.
“If not having an expensive material item invalidates a proposal for her, then what value does she put in their relationship versus what she ‘gets’ out of it?” someone asked.
“Material items do not sustain relationships,” they continued. “Emotional and intellectual connection and mutual respect do.
It can take bad things happening to reveal a person’s true character. Losing an expensive ring is unfortunate, but demanding that everything be redone perfectly highlights how the woman handles conflict: By expecting her partner to bend to her will just because.
More often than not, the advice on Reddit leans into the idea of leaving a person anytime they show a vaguely negative trait. Yet in this instance, it would be wise for the man to think about his values compared to what his fiancé deems valuable, which seems to be the cost of a ring and the magic of a moment that should pale in comparison to a future spent together.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.