12 Ways To Nurture Your Relationship Even When You're Really Angry With Your Partner
Communication is key, even when it feels like nothing can be said to fix it.
Fizkes via Shutterstock Arguments are natural in relationships, even between happy and healthy couples. That doesn't mean it's easy to see past your raging emotions.
Awaken Through Love, an Instagram account dedicated to relationships and healing, has pieced together 12 ways to support your relationship and partner even during a fight.
Here are 12 ways to nurture your relationship even when you're really angry with your partner:
1. 'Redirect punishment or blame to understanding each other'
“Deflection,” BetterHelp says, “refers to a defense mechanism that’s closely related to — although distinct from — projection.” Deflecting is easy to do when you don’t think the blame should be on you, that it is not your fault.
It can be easy to find yourself pushing the blame and consequences onto another person because knowing you hurt the one you love can feel pretty bad. Rather than directing this towards your partner and causing an even heavier argument, however, take the time to slow down and understand where he or she is coming from. It’s important to remember that it is you and your partner against the argument and not you and your partner against each other.
2. 'Use painful emotions to create a deeper bond rather than increase separation'
Experiencing a tragic event can be difficult on both parties of the relationship, not just the one it directly affects. The deep emotional trauma can cause a great divide in a relationship if you allow it to.
Rather than keeping your emotions to yourself and pushing your partner away, invite them in and allow them to comfort you and help you through the process. You do not have to hurt alone, and allowing someone to help you does not make you weak or unable to cope on your own.
Emotional bonding is a strong part of relationships and can increase your Emotional bonding is a strong part of relationships and can increase attraction to your partner. Deeper, more emotional connections can increase trust, intimacy, and connection in your relationship.
3. 'Increase closeness with curiosity rather than trying to win'
Carol Bruess from Wit & Delight discussed in her article, "Why Curiosity in Conversations Is Key to a Healthy Relationship," why asking questions and learning about each other can foster a healthy relationship and bond between you and your partner.
Winning an argument does no help you win in the relationship. But learning about each other and how your partner thinks and feels will help you understand their concerns.
4. 'Discuss how the issue makes us feel in a loving way and repair, so you both feel heard'
Communicating with your partner about something that affects both of you is important to solving problems in your relationship.
Make sure you are talking through it together rather than simply saying hurtful things to each other in the heat of the moment. The discussion is about how the issue affects both of you and not just one of you.
5. 'Instead of pushing, attacking, defending, or criticizing, respond vulnerably'
Much like deflection, it is easy to throw blame and attack your partner for an issue that affects you both. However, it is important to look past the immediate anger and open up to them about how it makes you feel.
It can be easy to become defensive in situations where you feel cornered and try to throw the blame at your partner, but just remember to sit back and take a moment to reflect on the fact that it is not about who is right, or angrier, but that you fix the problem together.
6. 'First person shares openly'
Rather than avoiding the truth and not being open about your feelings, share them with your partner.
That is the point of the relationship, being able to be as open and honest as possible with someone who truly cares for you and your feelings. Be open about what is upsetting you, and allow your partner to comfort and help you through it.
7. 'Gain understanding'
If your partner comes to you with something that is upsetting them, don’t immediately jump in with your opinion. Listen. It is the best thing you can do in that situation.
Listen and gain a deeper understanding of the issue so you can better help them through it.
8. 'Second person validates'
Tell your partner you understand and that you are there to help. Allow them to come to you. Validate their feelings and thoughts on the subject.
They are coming to you as a trusted person and are opening themselves up to potential ridicule and heartache in order to be honest with you. You must be supportive and validating at this time.
9. 'Second person shares'
After you have listened to your partner's feelings on the matter, it is your turn to share how what they said makes you feel.
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You are entitled to your feelings and should be allowed to share them with your partner. It is important both parties feel heard and understood in this process and that both feel as though they are not alone.
10. 'First person validates the second person'
It is now your partner’s turn to listen and respect your feelings. Both sides need to be validated, and their opinions on the matter need to be exchanged. You’ve validated your partner and their feelings; it is only fair that you are validated as well.
11. 'Together repair'
Relationships are about mutual respect and working together is crucial to keep the relationship thriving and working.
After you've both shared and validated each other, take the time to repair your bond. That means coming to a resolution that works for you both.
12. 'Continue to find a win-win respectfully so both are happy with the outcome'
It is important to work together, not only directly after the argument but also to continue working together to solve future problems. The balance between both partners' wants and needs is vital to keeping a relationship healthy and not outweighing one partner over the other’s needs.
Relationships are all about communication, especially after arguments. Working together against the problem rather than fighting each other is the only way to solve these problems and can foster a stronger, deeper connection in the relationship.
Madison Piering is a write on YourTango's Entertainment and News team, specializing in human interest and pop culture topics.