Mother-In-Law ‘Just Showed Up’ And ‘Manipulated Her Way’ Into Living With Her Son & Wife
“Our relationship and marriage is being tested.”
YAKOBCHUK VIACHESLAV / Shutterstock Every relationship deals with its fair share of in-law drama, as the intersection of families can sometimes be fraught. But where do we draw the boundary between having empathy and protecting our own peace?
When a mother-in-law surprised her son and his wife and moved in “out of nowhere,” the wife took to TikTok to explain the current situation.
The couple goes by @katieandgary on TikTok. In her video, Katie explained the details of her mother-in-law’s unforeseen arrival.
“She didn't tell us that she was coming to our state; she didn't tell us that she didn't have an ID,” Katie said. “We knew that she walked with a walker, but we didn't know how bad it was because he’s only seen her once in the last [40] years.”
After the mother-in-law was kicked out of her sister’s house, she had nowhere else to go but her son’s place. And it’s not exactly easy to let your struggling mom fend for herself when she’s out of options.
“I said, ‘Absolutely, let’s move her in, let’s get her taken care of. Let’s do what we need to do,’” Katie said she told her husband. “She wants to get a place to live; we want her to have a separate place to live.”
Katie’s husband works from home, and Katie said she lost her job a couple of months ago, so they have all been cooped up in their house with his mom with “nowhere to go to escape.”
Despite this, Katie demonstrated a strong willingness to support her husband and help his mom secure her own independence.
She expressed frustration over the steps they need to take before his mom can be on her own, saying, “She doesn’t have anything.” In addition to not having an ID, the mother-in-law also doesn’t have a bank account anymore or anyone else to turn to that is stable enough to support her.
Katie offered some additional context and detailed the boundaries she and her husband firmly set with his mom.
In another video, Katie explained that her mother-in-law had him when she was only a teenager. She married his father and ended up having another son, and then she moved out of state when he was only 14. With the exception of talking on the phone once a month, they only saw each other once until her recent visit.
“There’s no real mom relationship,” Katie explained.
Before she and her husband agreed to let her move in, they made sure to communicate their expectations with her.
“We had a really good conversation with the two of us before we moved her in about what the boundaries were going to be and we’re standing firm on that. He and I are united in basically everything,” Katie explained.
They are determined to diligently help his mom get an ID, which the DMV said will take at least 60 days, and open a banking account, first and foremost. They expressed to the mother-in-law that she could only stay with them for a minimum of three months.
Despite the challenges Katie and her husband are facing, she has remained supportive of him during this time.
Not many couples would be happy with the sudden move-in of their partner’s parent, but when that parent has no other options, then it’s only right for each partner to remain patient and help that parent get back on their feet.
Katie explained that her mother-in-law can be manipulative, but she has exhibited kindness and grace in hopes that they can help her find solutions to her current situation.
“Sometimes things are hard, and sometimes your husband or your spouse has to do something that they feel is uncomfortable, but it's their responsibility,” Katie explained. “He’s so irritable that she’s here, and he’s having a really hard time adjusting to her presence.”
While this experience is likely causing Katie a great deal of stress, she has remained valiant in her efforts to be an anchor for her husband as he does his best to be there for his mom while navigating his own unresolved traumas. She added he has been profusely apologizing to her for the inconvenience they are dealing with, but she selflessly assured him she is going to be there for him no matter what.
Marriage is not easy, not only due to the problems you face with your partner but also the problems that will emerge with family. But when two partners allow their challenges to bring them closer together rather than further apart, they’ll find a surprising sense of peace and connection with each other.
“It’s strengthening our marriage,” she affirmed. “It’s putting solidarity in our hearts for each other, and nothing’s going to come between us, but here we are being tested.”
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, adventure, and spirituality topics.