Introvert Wife Gives Her Husband A List Of Terms He Must Sign Before She Agrees To Hang Out With Another Couple
It may seem controlling, but it's actually a great way for introvert-extrovert couples to compromise
SeventyFour / Shutterstock If you're an extrovert, a night out with friends probably sounds like exactly what the doctor ordered. If you're an introvert, it likely sounds like a sheer, unmitigated nightmare. So what are you supposed to do if you're one and partnered up with the other?
Well, if you're like one introverted wife and extroverted husband on TikTok, you basically sign a contract before heading out the door that the socializing will be kept within some strict parameters. And introverts all over the internet are loving it.
The introverted wife has rules that her extroverted husband must agree to before socializing — and he has to sign it like a contract.
TikToker Zack Zornes is in a unique situation in his marriage: He's a fun-loving extrovert, while his wife is the polar opposite. And as you might guess it occasionally puts them at odds — like when they were preparing for a recent night out with another couple.
As Zornes shared in a TikTok video, his wife presented him with a list of agreements she wanted him to sign before they headed out for the night — demands that will sound instantly familiar to anyone who tends toward the introverted side of things.
The agreement placed parameters around the amount and type of social interaction for the outing so that his wife wouldn't be uncomfortable.
If you're on the more introverted side, you've definitely been in a situation where you're out with an extrovert, they start having a good time, and suddenly your short and relaxed outing has now turned into an epic all-nighter. If you speak up, you're a killjoy; if you go along to get along, you're fried by the end.
Zornes' wife's approach, drastic though it may be, handles all possible issues from the start — and you definitely get the impression that this is not even remotely her first rodeo when it comes to outings spinning off into extroverted excess.
Her agreements included not hosting the gathering, limiting it to two hours max, and agreeing on a "safe word" that, if invoked, means it is time to call it a night.
She also required Zornes to not leave her alone with anyone, not overshare, not commit to further gatherings, and not volunteer her for anything. She also got "something special" as a reward for socializing.
Some felt Zornes' wife was out of line, but others saw their agreement as a compromise between their introvert/extrovert tendencies.
For all you extroverts out there, this probably sounds insane, and it might be a touch drastic, admittedly. But for all of us introverts, this sounds like an absolute dream. (And I am 100% making contracts like this for all my extroverted loved ones from now on!)
People on TikTok were similarly of two minds. "This isn’t being introverted. This is being controlling," one commenter wrote, "but it’s your wife, so it is what it is." Before long, a familiar accusation was being leveled: that Zornes' wife is just antisocial.
But that's a common misconception about introverts — and it's actually the opposite. Psychologists say introverts often have more highly developed social skills, in fact, which is precisely why social interaction feels so taxing and other people are so annoying to them.
Introverts also tend to have highly evolved sensitivities to other people's moods and energies — being a so-called "empath" and an introversion go hand-in-hand. This means a little bit of social interaction goes a long way, and, unlike extroverts whose brains are re-energized by socializing, quiet time is vital for introverts to recharge.
It ultimately all comes down to brain chemistry. Studies have found that extroverts and introverts have very different levels of sensitivity to dopamine — things like intimacy and socializing give extrovert's brains a big, energizing shot of the stuff. Introverts? Not so much, so even if they're enjoyable, too much becomes taxing.
This may make it seem that a couple like the Zornes are fundamentally incompatible. But here again, psychologists say the opposite is true — the yin and yang of an introvert and extrovert partnership can create a sense of balance in a relationship, which not only benefits the partners but also their kids if they eventually become parents.
So in the end, while all this back-and-forth just to go to a simple social gathering may seem like a bit much, it's actually a sign of a well-balanced relationship. Rather than refusing to go out and making him fly solo, Zornes' wife is agreeing to be social within certain boundaries.
Her husband, in turn, is hearing her out and agreeing to meet her needs. They're both communicating and compromising, and that's what a healthy, balanced relationship is all about.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.