New Dad Says His Wife Has 'Pushed Him To The Edge Of Burnout' After Asking Him To Give Up One Night Out A Week
He feels like he doesn't have any time to himself or "freedom" left.
PR Image Factory / Shutterstock It’s not easy being a new parent. There is so much to adjust to and so many changes to make.
One dad wasn’t ready for these changes when he recently became a parent and is now accusing his wife of “taking away his freedom.”
A new dad thought his wife asked too much of him when she told him to give up one night out a week.
The mother of a newborn took to the Parenting subreddit on Reddit and asked for advice after her husband told her she was asking too much of him.
“So, on April 15th, we welcomed our little girl,” she explained. “She was in NICU for two weeks and we’ve been home for just over a week.”
She said of her husband, “Before I was pregnant, he used to go to his soccer games (and, more importantly, the drinking afterward) twice per week, and he went running on Sunday and/or on his day off for hours on end.”
“There used to be weeks when we would only see/talk to each other for a few minutes in bed,” she stated. “Since I got pregnant, I asked him to scale back his soccer/drinking to once a week and to plan his runs closer to home so that he’s not gone an entire day. He reluctantly agreed after lots of fighting and drama.”
“So, today I stayed home with our baby girl, and he came back from work for about two hours (he changed one diaper) before he left to [go to] a BBQ with his friends at 7:00 p.m. I asked him when he would be home, and he said ‘before 1:00 a.m. at the latest,’” she continued.
“So, by 11:00 p.m., he’s still not home, so I text him I’m going upstairs with our baby girl and that he needs to sleep on the couch [so] as to not wake us,” she said.
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That’s when everything really came to a head.
“He got home a few minutes later, and we blew up again,” she said. “Apparently, he believes I take away his freedom when I ask him to let me know when he will be home. He needs to ‘feel the atmosphere of the night’ before he can decide when to come home. I ask him so I at least know something so I can plan my night accordingly, but to him, that is unfair.”
Furthermore, she shared, “He has also said that taking care of my needs during pregnancy (so basically giving up one night of soccer and drinking) has pushed him to the edge of burnout. During pregnancy, he threatened to leave me if he would not be allowed to do whatever he [wanted] once the baby arrived.”
Because this man had to make normal sacrifices for his new baby, he felt he was giving up too much of his life.
Parenthood comes with sacrifices.
Mother and Baby wrote about the things parents have to give up for their new, important role. “Some of our basic human rights — like enjoying a hot beverage or washing ourselves on a daily basis — seem to have been stripped away overnight,” they said.
One specific thing that they mentioned is “leaving the house spontaneously.” According to Mother and Baby, “Spontaneity. It’s a nice concept and something you take for granted until it’s gone — which is pretty much the day you have a baby … The terms ‘spur of the moment’ or ‘just get up and go’ don’t apply to people with kids.”
Ksenia Chernaya / Pexels
This is something that many Reddit commenters pointed out. Parenting means giving some things up.
It seems like this mom understands this perfectly and has done well with implementing this in her life. Her husband, on the other hand, could use some help.
Perhaps the bigger question this wife should ask is if her husband wants to be a father at all.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news and human interest topics.