Woman Shares 5 Things She Refuses To Do Just Because She's Single
We’re all sick of singlehood being viewed as an impairment.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock.com Nearly half of young adults in the U.S. are single — so why are we pretending like it’s some disgraceful and deplorable sign of shame?
It’s exactly the narrative that writer and creator Shani Silver condemns on TikTok. She’s not looking to serve her arguments on a silver platter to traditionalists. She’s quick-witted, passionate, and openly honest about her opinions on being single.
She also refuses to let singlehood define her in ways that have traumatized and shamed women for decades before her.
Here are the 5 things Silver said she refuses to do just because she’s single:
1. Accept a lack of privacy or space on vacations with couples
“If you’re going on a trip with a group of friends or family and the house that you’re renting — and splitting evenly — does not have a real bed and a room with a door that closes for you, too … then that house is not big enough for your vacation,” she said.
So many single people are forced into less-than-ideal situations, with couples inevitably getting more comfort or space. Whether it’s a conscious choice or not, single people experience this all the time. They’re “only” one person, so why should they take away a spot for a couple?
It’s seemingly small things like this, which you might not think about at the moment that actually tell you a lot about people’s views of you (and even their views of singlehood in general).
2. Feel pressured to ‘prove’ that being single and childfree is a happy choice
Sometimes, the pressure to have children can seem insurmountable. Whether it’s your parents, friends, or societal standards, it's a heavy burden that is unwarranted and unhealthy. The pressure can manifest as self-doubt, fear, and even guilt — only exacerbated when coupled with the pressure to find a partner.
“The desire to be a mother or raise a child has never existed inside me ever,” Silver argued. “I used to think, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ But, there’s nothing. The desire of parenthood doesn’t live inside of everybody … you don’t have to explain to somebody why you don’t want them either.”
A lot of parents hold a sense of resentment towards their children — whether they realize it or not — for the loss of freedom, financial burden, and anxiety they’ve taken on. Having children is considered an expectation, but the reality of it is hardly discussed.
3. Settle for someone just to have a partner
“To this day, I haven’t taken on the responsibility of being someone’s mother,” Silver said, following her last relationship’s end 16 years ago, “and I have never regretted that decision once. I see my value to me.”
Of course, women are allowed — and should feel empowered and entitled — to pursue healthy relationships, but when that gets misconstrued as a “need or dependency,” it becomes toxic. Romantic relationships are important, but they’re far from a necessity. Intimacy, love, and passion can manifest in other avenues of life—you don’t need a partner to find that kind of fulfillment.
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock.com
Silver holds no shame in her singlehood, instead arguing that it’s a virtue of empowerment. She truly lives her individual life and finds love in other relationships, connections, and passions. When someone comes along who holds “equal value” in her life, she’s not opposed to pursuing a relationship, but she’s also not actively seeking it out.
She urged friends and family of single people to stop turning vacations into potential meet cutes, "stop telling single people to “get out there” on dating apps, and stop devaluing their accomplishments over what you consider a “void.”
4. Avoid excursions and experiences because there's no one to go with
It’s the newest cure for social isolation, loneliness, and self-confidence — take yourself on dates! You don’t need a partner or friend to go out for a drink, to dinner, or to see that new movie you’ve been waiting for.
It’s shown to help your mental health, but it’s also just something that can provide some comfort and relieve anxiety over your future if you haven’t completely embraced happy singlehood quite yet. Don’t fall into an isolated routine, say no to plans, or stop planning experiences for yourself just because you’re single. You deserve to have those experiences regardless of your relationship status.
“No one is looking at you,” Silver said, speaking to people afraid of going out alone. “Have you ever in all of your life been out doing something and noticed someone by themselves and thought, ‘How sad and pathetic?’ No! If anything, they’re looking at someone who is confident and comfortable to do things on [their] own.”
5. Avoid traveling and vacations
Time doesn’t stop, and life doesn’t pause when you’re single—and it shouldn’t. Embrace the time you get to spend and enjoy with yourself, whether you intend to remain single or not. The more you get comfortable with yourself, your body, and your mind, the happier and more fulfilled you’ll feel in every aspect of your life.
It’s exactly why Silver decided to embark on her solo-traveling journey. She was sick of waiting for “the right time” or person to travel with. “It is one of the greatest gifts that I’ve ever given myself ever,” she said. “Just getting on a plane by myself and ignoring the stigma and the awkwardness and whatever. Just [expletive] going.”
“We now know that an unburdened life is a happy life,” Silver said in response to critics of her lifestyle. “The only way that we’ll fall for your [expletive] is if we’re miserable. Trust me, we’re not the sad ones.”
While these are just a few of the many ways Silver embraces her joy, her overall message is much larger. You don’t need a partner, you shouldn’t feel pressured to get into a relationship, and you definitely shouldn’t take on any guilt — whether from yourself or others — for embracing a happy single life.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.