6 Little Habits Of People Who Have No Shame
Live a bold life free of unnecessary shame.
Eliza Alves | Canva Shame can lock us in prison for life. I had lots of shame for many years around being shy and awkward at school, which infected my confidence growing up. I’ve realized that to be without shame is to know true freedom, joy, and self-expression.
Here are 6 little habits of people who have no shame:
1. They understand that shame is nothing more than a thought you have been habitually trusting
The shame you feel about some ‘truth’ or past event is your emotional experience of an idea you hold in your mind. It seems true because thoughts can appear genuine. But they are things you made up in your head. It’s all perception, and you feel that idea in the body when you cling to it. That’s ALL we’re dealing with. OK, now we’re starting to cook with gas…
2. They identify their sources of shame
Get out a paper and pen, and note down some situations in your life where you tend to feel self-conscious, avoidant, or anxious. These are places where shameful thoughts manifest. Brainstorm.
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3. They list out the core unhelpful beliefs at play
Take one of the higher-intensity examples from above, put yourself in that moment in your mind’s eye, and ask yourself this: What stops me feeling totally at ease right now? List out all the thoughts that arise about who you think you are. You’ll likely find various stories and beliefs about you come up, such as: "I’m not a sociable person," or "I am a bad person because I don’t work hard enough." You may have to ask why a couple of times to get to the heart of your answers so that we have a quotable belief about you instead of something situational.
4. They confirm new beliefs
Take one belief you tend to think about more than others. This is the sharpest thorn for you. Now write down its opposite. For example: "I’m not a sociable person" becomes: "I am a sociable person." You may need to get creative around how you phrase the new belief so that it becomes a positive reflection of you. The other example, "I am a bad person because I don’t work hard enough," can become: "Not working much does not make me a bad person."
Now find three to ten reasons as to why this could be true. We do this to change our perception instantly. When we find evidence to support a new, more positive belief, the old belief can’t help but seem ludicrous. I’m sure you can find many examples that support the truth that you are a sociable person in this example.
5. They absorb a new understanding of who they are
Absorb this new understanding of who you are and what you are capable of. You may feel like giggling or crying. Good. The shift is taking place and you need to feel it.
6. They repeat this exercise with other beliefs
You needn’t do this with every thought you habitually think that makes you feel shame. But if you can take some of the more recurring thoughts you have that hold you back, it’s like chopping down the poisonous tree at the trunk instead of hacking away at the branches. This is how to live a bold life free of unnecessary shame. Be shameless. This is what the world needs from you.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient.