Trial Attorney Reveals 3 Things To Say When Someone Gaslights You
When someone is trying to tell you you're crazy, lots of angry words will come to mind. Say this instead.
Dean Drobot / Shutterstock When arguing with a gaslighter, taking back control can feel nearly impossible. They have a way of twisting everything you say or do against you.
So, what can you say to a gaslighter in order to regain control without losing your cool? Trial Attorney Jefferson Fisher shares his insights, outlining the three best ways to respond to a gaslighter.
3 Things To Say When Someone Gaslights You
1. As little as possible.
A gaslighter aims to distract you and chase you away from the real issue the way a cat chases a laser pointer, Fisher explains. "The less you say," he states, "the less you chase."
Remain quiet or offer minimum output when talking to a gaslighter. When you're silent you give the gaslighter nothing to go off of. And after they've finished their rant they'll realize there's nothing left to say.
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This can put a gaslighter in an awkward position as they are counting on your disagreement to fuel their ego. But if there's no commentary, then what can they say?
Moreover, choosing to stay silent can make your gaslighter feel foolish because of their overreaction and your calm reaction.
So, in times of distress, the best response might be a silent one.
2. "I understand you disagree with me."
A gaslighter will tell you that you're crazy or overly dramatic. Your immediate reaction might be to dismiss their statement and counter with something like, "How am I being crazy?"
Fisher shares that a much more effective tactic repeating phrases of acknowledgement, such as, “I understand you disagree with me.” Doing this keeps you from chasing.
If the gaslighter continues pushing the issue, simply keep repeating the phrase.
According to Columbia University, “Repeating simple words and phrases and words can convince us that they are true, even if they aren’t.”
Just be sure not to overuse it, as doing so can have the opposite effect. Limit your use of the same phrase to three to five times.
3. "I see things differently."
When a gaslighter tries to twist and manipulate the situation in their favor, it can be tempting to yell out something like, "That's not what happened!"
But letting your emotions run wild is exactly what a gaslighter wants. So, what can you do instead?
Try saying, "I see things differently," says Fisher. This neutral wording allows you to make your point without falling into their trap.
By remaining neutral and unaffected by their taunting, you can frustrate your gaslighter, giving you the upper hand in the argument.
If they continue arguing the same point, you can calmly repeat the phrase a few more times to make it clear that you won't be swayed.
Dealing with a gaslighter is always a challenge, but with these three tips, you'll be better able to handle a gaslighter with your sanity intact.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.