4 Controversial Dating Opinions That Shouldn't Be Controversial, According To A Therapist
These relationship tips should be common sense, but that isn't always the case.
Scopio via Canva Being in a relationship can be wonderful, but, in today's world of social media, things have gotten a bit more complicated.
Nowadays, even the simplest actions can be seen as controversial. So, how do we know if certain actions in a relationship are normal or if they're red flags?
Licensed therapist Jeff Guenther goes over the four controversial opinions he has about relationships that shouldn't be seen as controversial — but still are.
4 Controversial Opinions That Shouldn't Be Controversial, According To A Therapist
1. It doesn't matter if you sleep with someone on the first date.
Most of us stress about when we should or shouldn't get intimate with our partner. We don't want to potentially lose the relationship, but we've got urges.
But according to Guenther, regardless of if you sleep together or not, the relationship is going to happen.
If someone is interested in you then they'll pursue you whether you sleep together on the first date or not. However, if you want a serious relationship, then you might want to consider some things.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, “Sexual involvement early in a romantic relationship is associated with an increased likelihood of moving more quickly into living together, which in turn is associated with lower relationship quality.”
So, if you decide to sleep together on the first date be sure to slow down. Don't move too quickly and get to know each other. Communicate with one another and build emotional intimacy.
Discuss your goals and be sure your morals are aligned before you settle down.
2. You can speak up about what you need or want as early as you'd like.
There's a trend on social media where people expect their partners to know what they want: "They should know that I'm hungry and they should know if I'm upset."
But in reality, if you don't speak up about your needs you can't expect your partner to help you. Guenther says, “Being direct about your expectations allows your date to either show that they can step up or they can’t.”
And though directness is great for miscommunication, it also invites vulnerability into the relationship, where both partners can express their needs without judgment.
3. You can introduce them to your friends as soon as you want.
Having your friends feel out your date shouldn't be controversial, says Guenther. It should be encouraged as friends can offer an unbiased perspective on your relationship.
According to professor of psychology Gwendolyn Seidman, friends will disprove a relationship if they feel you're less happy than you ought to be.
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Seidman also writes that your friend's judgment is more reliable as they aren't influenced by their thoughts or emotions.
So ask your friends, “Do you feel as if I was acting like my authentic self when I’m around this person?”
4. "If they wanted to they would" is too simplistic.
The good ole phrase, "If he wanted to he would," is overplayed. According to Guenther, “Someone may really want to but not. Be super forward about it for a million reasons.”
Not everyone can afford a new car or luxury vacation. And the very actions you expect may make your partner uncomfortable or nervous.
For example, not everyone is into making big public declarations of love. Some people are more low-key about it. So, before you jump to any conclusions, just chat with your partner and see where they're at.
Allow yourself room to compromise and don't get sucked too much into the social media frenzy.
Relationships can get pretty complicated, but they don't have to be that way. By recognizing these four, "controversial" things are normal, you can relax more, knowing your relationship is fine just the way it is.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.